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An Example of Consciously Staying Upbeat Through Adversity

Written by: Alvah Parker

Article Overview: Wouldn’t you know it? While I had just written a list of 10 ways to stay upbeat and happy (Top Ten Tips To Help You in Your Pursuit of Happiness) when I had a challenge of my own.

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An Example of Consciously Staying Upbeat Through Adversity

An Example of Consciously Staying Upbeat Through Adversity

Wouldn’t you know it? While I had just written a list of 10 ways to stay upbeat and happy (Top Ten Tips To Help You in Your Pursuit of Happiness) when I had a challenge of my own.

It all started with a plastic soda bottle that fell out of the refrigerator and hit my mother in the shin. It left a bruise and a small cut which at the time seemed pretty trivial even though painful. Unfortunately that bruise developed into an infection that had to be treated with intravenous antibiotics and then opened and drained. Since my mother is 92 and a diabetic she had to be hospitalized for the procedure.

Two days after she left the hospital she developed a backache. Five days later the pain was so excruciating she screamed every time she changed positions. Sitting or lying down – both were unbelievably painful for her. I called 911. Another hospitalization!

How do you remain upbeat and happy under these circumstances? I must admit that I am a natural pessimist and it takes a lot of conscious effort on my part to pull myself out of this pessimism. Some people are naturally optimistic but I am not one.

Optimists are always fun to be around. As a natural pessimist I am aware that in order for me to be fun to be around I need to consciously choose to be optimistic. That is where my list comes in!

Do I want to give up my pessimism? No. I believe it is there for a reason – perhaps part of my purpose in life. Here is what Martin Seligman, the psychologist who has studied happiness, says about his own natural pessimism.

“I think only a pessimist can write and do serious stuff about optimism. The skills I talk about I use every day. What I’ve become is what I call a "flexible optimist." I can recognize the situations which call for optimism, and the situations which don’t call for optimism need a mercilessly realistic view of what’s going to happen. When I make that separation, if it’s one of the many situations in which the optimism skills are going to pay off, then I throw in my whole complement of optimism skills. It makes me better able to initiate different projects. But when I’m in a situation in which the cost of failure is very high, then what I want is merciless realism. In that case I revert to my usual "four in the morning" pessimism.”

Some occupations just naturally require you use “merciless realism”. Those that I can think of off hand would be lawyers, engineers, scientists. That critical thinking and analysis is important to what they do. If you are in an occupation that requires being realistic or being a problem solver and you see that the pessimism spills over into your personal life, then try focusing on becoming a “flexible optimist” by using my ten tips.

In my own case one of my mother’s friends said to me after my mother had been admitted to the hospital the second time, that I should be grateful for the fact that my mother was in good hands and that she was at last comfortable (on heavy duty drugs!)

That got me thinking about my list. I realized I needed to choose optimism here. Mom’s vital signs had stayed good even though she is a diabetic with a heart condition. This was a good sign. We had every reason to believe that the source of the pain could be found and addressed.

Four days later we were told she had a compression fracture of the spine. Oh yes, did I say she also has Osteoporosis too? Six days later she had a vertebralplasty, a relatively new procedure in which they inject “glue” into the fracture to hold it together and lessen the pain. Eight days later she came home. The only pain medication she was taking was Tylenol. I feel grateful for her return to good health. My optimism is back!

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Home > Business-Coach > Alvah Parker > An Example of Consciously Staying Upbeat Through Adversity
Article Tags: adversity, challenge, happiness, optimism, pessimism, pursuit of happiness

About the Author: Alvah Parker
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Alvah Parker is a Practice Advisor (The Attorneys’ Coach) and a Career Changers’ Coach as well as publisher of "Parker’s Points", an email tip list and "Road to Success", an ezine. Subscribe now to these free monthly publications at her website http://www.asparker.com/samples.html and receive a free values assessment. Work becomes more meaningful and enjoyable when you work from your values. Alvah Parker began her career as a high school chemistry teacher. She later transitioned to a sales career at AT&T. As a Sales Professional at AT&T for 15 years she was elected to the prestigious Counsel of Leaders for the top 3% of the sales force. After leaving AT&T she transitioned into a coaching career.  Alvah is a senior coach for Boxwood Technology where she coaches association members on career issues and also  a SCORE Business Counselor where she advises and counsels small business owners. Parker’s Value Program© enables her clients to find their own way to work that is more fulfilling and profitable. Her clients are attorneys, entrepreneurs, managers and people in transition who want to find work that is in line with their own values. Alvah is found on the web at http://www.asparker.com. She may also be reached at 781-598-0388.

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