An Example of Consciously Staying Upbeat Through Adversity
Wouldn’t you know it? While I had just written a list of 10 ways to stay upbeat and happy (Top Ten Tips To Help You in Your Pursuit of Happiness) when I had a challenge of my own.
It all started with a plastic soda bottle that fell out of the refrigerator and hit my mother in the shin. It left a bruise and a small cut which at the time seemed pretty trivial even though painful. Unfortunately that bruise developed into an infection that had to be treated with intravenous antibiotics and then opened and drained. Since my mother is 92 and a diabetic she had to be hospitalized for the procedure.
Two days after she left the hospital she developed a backache. Five days later the pain was so excruciating she screamed every time she changed positions. Sitting or lying down – both were unbelievably painful for her. I called 911. Another hospitalization!
How do you remain upbeat and happy under these circumstances? I must admit that I am a natural pessimist and it takes a lot of conscious effort on my part to pull myself out of this pessimism. Some people are naturally optimistic but I am not one.
Optimists are always fun to be around. As a natural pessimist I am aware that in order for me to be fun to be around I need to consciously choose to be optimistic. That is where my list comes in!
Do I want to give up my pessimism? No. I believe it is there for a reason – perhaps part of my purpose in life. Here is what Martin Seligman, the psychologist who has studied happiness, says about his own natural pessimism.
“I think only a pessimist can write and do serious stuff about optimism. The skills I talk about I use every day. What I’ve become is what I call a "flexible optimist." I can recognize the situations which call for optimism, and the situations which don’t call for optimism need a mercilessly realistic view of what’s going to happen. When I make that separation, if it’s one of the many situations in which the optimism skills are going to pay off, then I throw in my whole complement of optimism skills. It makes me better able to initiate different projects. But when I’m in a situation in which the cost of failure is very high, then what I want is merciless realism. In that case I revert to my usual "four in the morning" pessimism.”
Some occupations just naturally require you use “merciless realism”. Those that I can think of off hand would be lawyers, engineers, scientists. That critical thinking and analysis is important to what they do. If you are in an occupation that requires being realistic or being a problem solver and you see that the pessimism spills over into your personal life, then try focusing on becoming a “flexible optimist” by using my ten tips.
In my own case one of my mother’s friends said to me after my mother had been admitted to the hospital the second time, that I should be grateful for the fact that my mother was in good hands and that she was at last comfortable (on heavy duty drugs!)
That got me thinking about my list. I realized I needed to choose optimism here. Mom’s vital signs had stayed good even though she is a diabetic with a heart condition. This was a good sign. We had every reason to believe that the source of the pain could be found and addressed.
Four days later we were told she had a compression fracture of the spine. Oh yes, did I say she also has Osteoporosis too? Six days later she had a vertebralplasty, a relatively new procedure in which they inject “glue” into the fracture to hold it together and lessen the pain. Eight days later she came home. The only pain medication she was taking was Tylenol. I feel grateful for her return to good health. My optimism is back!
An Example of Consciously Staying Upbeat Through Adversity - To learn more about this author, visit Alvah Parker's Website.
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Alvah Parker
(Visit Alvah's Website)
Alvah Parker is a Practice Advisor (The
Attorneys’ Coach) and a Career Changers’
Coach as well as publisher of "Parker’s
Points", an email tip list and "Road to
Success", an ezine. Subscribe now to
these free monthly publications at her
website www.asparker.com/samples.html
Alvah Parker began her career as a high
school chemistry teacher. She later
transition to a sales career at AT&T. As
a Sales Professional at AT&T for 15 years
she was elected to the prestigious Counsel
of Leaders for the top 3% of the sales
force. After leaving AT&T she
transitioned into a coaching career and
also volunteers as a SCORE Business
Counselor where she advises and counsels
small business owners.
Parker’s Value Program© enables her
clients to find their own way to work that
is more fulfilling and profitable. Her
clients are attorneys and people in
transition who want to find work that is
in line with their own life purpose.
Alvah is found on the web at www.aspar
ker.com. She may also be reached at
781-598-0388.
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