Last month I wrote an article on accomplishing goals. As most of you know I think it is very important to have goals and to work toward them. The article inspired one reader to write the following:
“I am still bothered when people call me a perfectionist. In school, people call my daughters perfectionists too. The inference is, you are wrong to work so hard on a project getting all the details right. Why can't you be mediocre like the rest of us?
In sports, we are allowed to be perfectionists -- that's called the motivation to win. A coach who doesn't win (makes mistakes) can be fired. As a woman not in sports, my same drive is seen as a negative. So the next time someone calls me a perfectionist, I am going to respond: "Yes, I see
myself as someone who is motivated to win."”
What does it mean when others label you a perfectionist? Is it a compliment? One of the definitions in the dictionary for perfectionism is “A propensity for setting extremely high standards and being displeased with anything else.” As the writer points out this is acceptable in sports. Tiger Woods sets extremely high standards for himself and isn’t satisfied with anything but excellence.
Yet the writer says that others see perfectionism as something negative. Like all strengths there can be a point at which it does in fact become a weakness.
A person may perform the functions of a job with a vision of the “perfect” way to perform or the “perfect” outcome of the work. If perfecting the work and progressing toward that standard gives someone pleasure and energy then it is healthy for him/her to continue.
The problem arises if the person starts to think of nothing else. He/she starts to exclude everything else in his/her life then it might be time to question the perfectionism. In fact to me the word perfectionism connotes that sort of obsessive behavior. My dictionary did not state this however.
Similarly if a person is working on a project and trying to get a “perfect” outcome, he/she can work at it and change their methodology sort of like a scientist with an experiment. If it starts to take over the person’s life then again the person has to question whether this is really what he/she wants to that.
The answer might in fact be that is exactly what that person wants to do. At least then it is a conscious choice. You have to want to change the perfectionist pattern in order to do something about it.
Someone else can ask you if you think you have some perfectionist tendencies but you are the only one who knows for sure. If people label you a perfectionist in a negative way it says more about the people who say it than it does about you.
Finally she says that people call her daughters perfectionists too. With children there is always the possibility that they are working toward someone else’s standard and not their own. Do they want to continue working on the project or skill? Is there some outside threat that makes them anxious about their performance?
We have all heard about stage mothers and parents who want their children to excel at a sport. Encouraging them to do these things is wonderful. Forcing them to do them is not.
One danger in being a perfectionist is demanding it in others. It is the person themselves who decides if the standard is worth working toward. (They make the choice.) Setting perfection as a standard for someone else is not fair. Children whose parents set perfectionist standards for them often later in life feel that they are not good enough.
Talented people are often labeled perfectionists. They could be scientists, great sports figures, or performers who devote all their waking hours to working on a problem or perfecting their craft to the exclusion of everything else. And who is to say that a life so far out of balance wasn’t just right for them? The next time you are working on something that is consuming most of your time ask yourself the following questions:
1. Is this important to me?
2. Would I rather be somewhere else?
3. Are there parts of my life that I am ignoring? Is that important to me?
4. What and who are my priorities? Am I living a life that takes my priorities into account?
If you have a sense of dissatisfaction with your life as it is, it is up to you to change it. Working with a coach can help you clarify what your priorities are. The coach can then help you plan a way to make your life reflect your priorities
Perfectionism Can it be a good thing - To learn more about this author, visit Alvah Parker's Website.
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Alvah Parker
(Visit Alvah's Website)
Alvah Parker is a Practice Advisor (The
Attorneys’ Coach) and a Career Changers’
Coach as well as publisher of "Parker’s
Points", an email tip list and "Road to
Success", an ezine. Subscribe now to
these free monthly publications at her
website www.asparker.com/samples.html
Alvah Parker began her career as a high
school chemistry teacher. She later
transition to a sales career at AT&T. As
a Sales Professional at AT&T for 15 years
she was elected to the prestigious Counsel
of Leaders for the top 3% of the sales
force. After leaving AT&T she
transitioned into a coaching career and
also volunteers as a SCORE Business
Counselor where she advises and counsels
small business owners.
Parker’s Value Program© enables her
clients to find their own way to work that
is more fulfilling and profitable. Her
clients are attorneys and people in
transition who want to find work that is
in line with their own life purpose.
Alvah is found on the web at www.aspar
ker.com. She may also be reached at
781-598-0388.
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