At first glance communication with another person seems relatively
easy. This month I had two different experiences that showed me how tricky
it is to understand what a person does or doesn't say. Taking the time
to listen to others is important whether you are lawyer, a manager or
an employee.
A friend recently shared with me her frustration with her sister in
law. She told me that the woman seemed to rebuff her all the time. The
sister in law consistently turned down invitations to go places and when
they were at family events her sister in law remained quiet. "Cold fish"
and "private person" were ways my friend described her.
Although I did not share this with my friend I did wonder if someone
might use the same words about me. While my friend is warm, outgoing and
talkative, I tend to be more quiet and introspective. I must admit that
there are times I want and need to be alone too. In fact I enjoy my
friend because she is so different from me. Her talkative style energizes
me and draws me out.
The second experience was at a funeral for the husband of my mother's
friend. The man who passed away was a quiet man who lived a long life
(90+ years). The few times that I had been with this couple his wife did
all the talking. I knew the man was a pianist but nothing more.
At the funeral two people gave eulogies. The first was a nephew who
said that the man had married into a family of talkers. At family events
everyone was shouting and laughing. His uncle, the nephew said, had a
quiet presence that the family would miss.
The other speaker was a cousin who was also a musician-a violinist. The
deceased was a jazz pianist and had played with some of the greats in
the jazz world. The cousin told of the wonderful times he and his
cousin had had improvising together. In fact he said lately he had begun
calling his cousin "brother". The speaker said his cousin's way of
communicating was with music.
Often people don't "get" another person simply because their
communication styles are so different. The musician and his cousin did understand
one another because they were alike. We are most comfortable with
people who are similar in style to ourselves. At least we know how to
communicate with those people.
In my practice I use the DISC behavioral assessment to help people
learn about themselves and others. The report provides communication tips
for people of different styles. Once clients know how others like to be
communicated with, they can adapt their own style to that of their
client, employer, employee, team member, or friend.
When you attend a party, a networking event or family function it is
important to remember that not everyone is alike. Someone who is quiet
and reserved (an introvert) might appreciate having someone new to talk
to. It takes time and some effort to draw someone out. Just be curious
about their interests and you may discover a jazz musician, a poet or
who knows what! Everyone has a value in the world. Take the time to
listen for it in others.
The Importance of Listening in Communication - To learn more about this author, visit Alvah Parker's Website.
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Alvah Parker
(Visit Alvah's Website)
Alvah Parker is a Practice Advisor (The
Attorneys’ Coach) and a Career Changers’
Coach as well as publisher of "Parker’s
Points", an email tip list and "Road to
Success", an ezine. Subscribe now to
these free monthly publications at her
website www.asparker.com/samples.html
Alvah Parker began her career as a high
school chemistry teacher. She later
transition to a sales career at AT&T. As
a Sales Professional at AT&T for 15 years
she was elected to the prestigious Counsel
of Leaders for the top 3% of the sales
force. After leaving AT&T she
transitioned into a coaching career and
also volunteers as a SCORE Business
Counselor where she advises and counsels
small business owners.
Parker’s Value Program© enables her
clients to find their own way to work that
is more fulfilling and profitable. Her
clients are attorneys and people in
transition who want to find work that is
in line with their own life purpose.
Alvah is found on the web at www.aspar
ker.com. She may also be reached at
781-598-0388.
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