What if you could tell, within the first 2 minutes of meeting somebody, exactly what the dynamic of your relationship was all about.... and what would likely occur in the future...
Would this save you from some painful mistakes? Give you insight as to how to communicate with this person? Make you more effective? Improve your quality of life? Give you a graceful entry or exit?
A wise teacher taught me that you can understand the dynamic of any relationship, simply by seeing clearly the first 2 minutes of your interaction. All the tendencies of how you will interact is apparent within this time: it is outlined plainly in the context, reactions, roles, and communication of this first meeting. This teacher also said that seeing this way was a tool for the brave, and best tested against past relationships before analyzing current involvements...
To this end, to follow are some good questions to ask yourself about any first meeting (it does not have to be "romantic"-- any meeting with any person will do!). It is best to "report" to yourself just the facts, not your own interpretations of those facts. In other words, answer these questions for yourself as if you were reporting on the witness stand-- and all subjective comments would be stricken from the testimony! To see clearly, it might be beneficial for you to write your recollections down, and review the entire 'picture' at the end...
1) Who was I being when I met this person? Was I acting in any particular role (i.e. teacher, window-washer, bartender, student...)
2) What role was that person in?
3) What was the physical environment of our meeting? Notice details...
4) Was anyone physically moving? Who? In which direction?
5) What was my intial gut reaction? Did he/she remind me of someone? Of an animal? A color? A piece of music?
6) How did this person describe him/herself? How did I? Was I 100% accurate in that moment?
7) Who else is in the room, and what are they doing?
8) What was our primary topic of conversation?
9) What was the point at which I perceived my thoughts about this person? What were those first thoughts?
10) Who was the first to cue departure? Who actually was the first to move away?
It is the seeing clearly part that may take a little practice, and yet is rich with understanding as you get good at it. It may be helpful to share these insights with someone who comes from a place of non-judgement, as they will help you to strengthen this skill.
And if you have any questions about what you see and what to do next, you can always call a coach
Relationship Forecast - To learn more about this author, visit Elizabeth Mullen's Website.
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