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Respond in Kind Multi Level Communication for Better Results

Guest post by: Elizabeth Mullen

Article Overview: If you have a highly evolved sensory range, then you probably have experienced a great deal of confusing emotions in your life. You may even have been criticized for your remarkable talent. "You are too sensitive," you may have been told, or "don't take it personally," when you reacted with great emotion to a seemingly innocuous event or communication

Respond in Kind Multi Level Communication for Better Results

If you have a highly evolved sensory range, then you probably have experienced a great deal of confusing emotions in your life. You may even have been criticized for your remarkable talent. "You are too sensitive," you may have been told, or "don't take it personally," when you reacted with great emotion to a seemingly innocuous event or communication.

So here is a groundbreaking statement of the obvious: if something happens to (or around) you-- yes, it is personal. If the cab driver scowls while you are in the cab, if the supermarket checkout person winks in your direction, if your boss says something about "the employees" -- it is about you. If your person experiences it, it is personal. Simple.

The other news is: on another level, absolutely nothing is personal. The cabby is preoccupied with his failing health, the checkout person has a fly in the eye, your boss is having a bad day. So what is this contradiction all about? And what can those who are 'too sensitive' do to respond effectively?

The key to understanding and responding to these kinds of double messages is to become a multi-level communicator. This means to make a distinction between rationally communicated words & gestures; and unconscious ones. It involves accepting that everything that happens in your space IS a meaningful communication in and of itself. The boss or checkout girl could do their thing near some other body---the fact that it is your body does mean something, just probably not consciously!

Our world has has put a heavy emphasis on rational and verbal communication. This is the "you said, I did" type of stuff or "the sky is blue" level of communication. This is very valuable, in that it affords us the opportunity to create things like skyscrapers and computers. It is also only 7% of our overall communication. And addressing issues only on this level is only about 7% effective. (Remember trying to explain to someone who says they care about you that you just don't feel it-- how far did that get you?)

A whopping 93% of our communication consists of vocal quality and body cues, "essences" of feeling, and emotional telepathy. We can all read situations this way, whether we know we do or not. Those that are "sensitive" are more acutely tuned to these cues; chances are however, that they have not been taught 93% of the alphabet of response.

The key to effective response is having your verbal communication address only the verbal communication of the other party. Let your non-verbal cues address the non-verbal cues of the other party. This means physically distancing yourself from a displeasurable situation, not talking about it. It also means sometimes getting closer even though someone's words speak otherwise.

Take for instance the case of someone who keeps bumping into you by accident. This person might be talking about how much they like space, but their body keeps brushing by you. An effective response in words could be, "I understand that you need space," while your non-verbal communication keeps you in proximity for another accidental bump (provided you want to be physically close!) Creating false physical distance based on their words, or verbalizing that close is good are both losing strategies. Got it?!

In what situation must you learn to master the respond-in-kind rule? What do you really want to make happen?



GLOBAL QUESTION OF THE WEEK: Who says peace is not possible yet actually maintains it?

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