If you have a highly evolved sensory range, then you probably have experienced a great deal of confusing emotions in your life. You may even have been criticized for your remarkable talent. "You are too sensitive," you may have been told, or "don't take it personally," when you reacted with great emotion to a seemingly innocuous event or communication.
So here is a groundbreaking statement of the obvious: if something happens to (or around) you-- yes, it is personal. If the cab driver scowls while you are in the cab, if the supermarket checkout person winks in your direction, if your boss says something about "the employees" -- it is about you. If your person experiences it, it is personal. Simple.
The other news is: on another level, absolutely nothing is personal. The cabby is preoccupied with his failing health, the checkout person has a fly in the eye, your boss is having a bad day. So what is this contradiction all about? And what can those who are 'too sensitive' do to respond effectively?
The key to understanding and responding to these kinds of double messages is to become a multi-level communicator. This means to make a distinction between rationally communicated words & gestures; and unconscious ones. It involves accepting that everything that happens in your space IS a meaningful communication in and of itself. The boss or checkout girl could do their thing near some other body---the fact that it is your body does mean something, just probably not consciously!
Our world has has put a heavy emphasis on rational and verbal communication. This is the "you said, I did" type of stuff or "the sky is blue" level of communication. This is very valuable, in that it affords us the opportunity to create things like skyscrapers and computers. It is also only 7% of our overall communication. And addressing issues only on this level is only about 7% effective. (Remember trying to explain to someone who says they care about you that you just don't feel it-- how far did that get you?)
A whopping 93% of our communication consists of vocal quality and body cues, "essences" of feeling, and emotional telepathy. We can all read situations this way, whether we know we do or not. Those that are "sensitive" are more acutely tuned to these cues; chances are however, that they have not been taught 93% of the alphabet of response.
The key to effective response is having your verbal communication address only the verbal communication of the other party. Let your non-verbal cues address the non-verbal cues of the other party. This means physically distancing yourself from a displeasurable situation, not talking about it. It also means sometimes getting closer even though someone's words speak otherwise.
Take for instance the case of someone who keeps bumping into you by accident. This person might be talking about how much they like space, but their body keeps brushing by you. An effective response in words could be, "I understand that you need space," while your non-verbal communication keeps you in proximity for another accidental bump (provided you want to be physically close!) Creating false physical distance based on their words, or verbalizing that close is good are both losing strategies. Got it?!
In what situation must you learn to master the respond-in-kind rule? What do you really want to make happen?
GLOBAL QUESTION OF THE WEEK: Who says peace is not possible yet actually maintains it?
Respond in Kind Multi Level Communication for Better Results - To learn more about this author, visit Elizabeth Mullen's Website.
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Leanne Hoagland-Smith
Are your sales where you want them to be? Will you be one of the few who achieves sales success or one of the many who have failed to change? So what are you doing to change those results? Let’s be honest, with companies moving globally and at lightening speeds, the traditional business solutions are outdated and dead. My approach moves your business out of its comfort zone and secures your competitive advantage now. If you are seeking to increase sales, build customer loyalty, create a culture of great attitudes or just achieve some sleep filled nights, then we should talk because my clients have experienced exactly those types of results. Learn more about customer loyalty at http://www.processspecialist.com/customer-loyalty.htm Give me a call at 219.759.5601 for a free strategy session. P.S. If you are seeking a motivational speaker, sales trainer or small business expert that will leave your audience smiling and remembering, please feel free to contact me at 219.759.5601. - Visit Leanne Hoagland-Smith's Website |
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Dr. John Oda
John Oda Ph.D NLP is a business peak performance expert, an author, and speaker frequently called upon to provide corporate training, workshops and seminars for many companies in the United States. He is an expert in coaching sales and business professionals in overcoming the behaviors and obstacles that may impede their sales results and affect their bottom line. Since 1995, John has created a speaking bureau such topics, which include: time management, sales training, human diversity, leadership programs and etc. He provides companies with a strategic plan to increase their bottom line by over 25 percent yearly. - Visit Dr. John Oda's Website |
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Kim Castle
With nearly two decades in the advertising and design business, with clients like Domino's Pizza, General Motors, Direct TV, Pedigree, Wolfgang Puck, Higher Octave Music, Hollywood Celebrity Products, Disney, and Paramount, as well as thousands of entrepreneurs around the world define, structure, communicate, and position their business for greater profits, BrandU(R) co-creators Kim Castle and W. Vito Montone discovered that entrepreneurs could experience the same power that big brands command for a fraction of the cost with the world's only process-based results-drive Integral approach to business creation.
BrandU(R) is helping entrepreneurs grow with the power of extreme clarity from idea...to brand...to market(TM) and helping one million entrepreneurs become successful and whole so that they can make a difference in the world. Are you one of them?
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