Top Ten Statements People Say to Control You
Top Ten Statements People Say to Control You
"Fake it 'til you make it."
If you need this cliché as a life raft (such as to stop a negative pattern), by all means use it. Just be sure to learn to swim. What it means is: be deceptive. Because deception is inherently weak, this expression is often said by people who want you to fake being like them. Response: "Thank you for sharing."
"This is only constructive criticism"
When someone says this to you, realize that there is no such thing. Criticism breaks down and tears apart, whereas construction builds. Response: "What are you trying to construct?" Better Response: "Criticism feels bad to me. No thanks."
"Trust Me"
Whenever you hear this, pay attention! It means the person saying it does not believe that they should be trusted, and therefore must make a sales pitch to convince you of their character. Response: "What’s not to trust?!" Better Response: "You want to be trustworthy."
"You should be more forgiving."
This usually follows an "offence" by a person who does not want to experience the natural consequences for their action. By discussing your character, they deflect examination of their own, and attempt to control your behavior. Response: "What do you want me to forgive?"
"I'm sorry."
How many of us have put ourselves into harm's way again, just because the original action was punctuated by an apology? I suggest here that we look at sincerity of action, and make today's decisions based on rational evaluation of actual history. Response: "What are you going to do to make it right?" Better Response: "Apology accepted" (and make new decisions).
"I promise…. " or "I will .…."
If you rely on something as ethereal as another person's intention for your emotional well being, you may find yourself full of anxiety, and your life under another person's control. To free yourself from this pattern, you can look at the promiser's historical rate of follow through and respond appropriately. Response to someone with high rate: "Thank you." To someone with low rate: "So, you want to....."
"Later, I will…."
This is the Manyana Story. Don't believe it. If someone won't do that which is important NOW when there is full emotional power behind it, they probably never will. Response: "When exactly?" Better Response: "Thank you for sharing your intention."
"I don't want you to think that ________"
Whatever comes in the blank is the thing that the speaker feels uncomfortable about his/her own actions. Your response: "What do you think about _____?" Better response: "I think I love you."
"This is important for you to understand."
This means: I want for you to stand below what I imagine is important so that my values get expressed, not yours. Response: "Thank you for sharing what is important to you."
"You should... "
What control list would be complete without the old classic "should"? Response: "Thank you for shoulding on me." Better response: A kind smile, you don't fall for that one anymore...
Top Ten Statements People Say to Control You - To learn more about this author, visit Elizabeth Mullen's Website.
Like this article? Share it with your friends
To follow are ten common expressions typically spoken by controlling people that rarely contribute to YOUR quality of life. This list shines a flashlight on ways in which you may have been manipulated, and includes specific tools to set you (and the manipulator) free.
"Fake it 'til you make it."
If you need this cliché as a life raft (such as to stop a negative pattern), by all means use it. Just be sure to learn to swim. What it means is: be deceptive. Because deception is inherently weak, this expression is often said by people who want you to fake being like them. Response: "Thank you for sharing."
"This is only constructive criticism"
When someone says this to you, realize that there is no such thing. Criticism breaks down and tears apart, whereas construction builds. Response: "What are you trying to construct?" Better Response: "Criticism feels bad to me. No thanks."
"Trust Me"
Whenever you hear this, pay attention! It means the person saying it does not believe that they should be trusted, and therefore must make a sales pitch to convince you of their character. Response: "What’s not to trust?!" Better Response: "You want to be trustworthy."
"You should be more forgiving."
This usually follows an "offence" by a person who does not want to experience the natural consequences for their action. By discussing your character, they deflect examination of their own, and attempt to control your behavior. Response: "What do you want me to forgive?"
"I'm sorry."
How many of us have put ourselves into harm's way again, just because the original action was punctuated by an apology? I suggest here that we look at sincerity of action, and make today's decisions based on rational evaluation of actual history. Response: "What are you going to do to make it right?" Better Response: "Apology accepted" (and make new decisions).
"I promise…. " or "I will .…."
If you rely on something as ethereal as another person's intention for your emotional well being, you may find yourself full of anxiety, and your life under another person's control. To free yourself from this pattern, you can look at the promiser's historical rate of follow through and respond appropriately. Response to someone with high rate: "Thank you." To someone with low rate: "So, you want to....."
"Later, I will…."
This is the Manyana Story. Don't believe it. If someone won't do that which is important NOW when there is full emotional power behind it, they probably never will. Response: "When exactly?" Better Response: "Thank you for sharing your intention."
"I don't want you to think that ________"
Whatever comes in the blank is the thing that the speaker feels uncomfortable about his/her own actions. Your response: "What do you think about _____?" Better response: "I think I love you."
"This is important for you to understand."
This means: I want for you to stand below what I imagine is important so that my values get expressed, not yours. Response: "Thank you for sharing what is important to you."
"You should... "
What control list would be complete without the old classic "should"? Response: "Thank you for shoulding on me." Better response: A kind smile, you don't fall for that one anymore...
Top Ten Statements People Say to Control You - To learn more about this author, visit Elizabeth Mullen's Website.
Like this article? Share it with your friends
 | |
 |
No article feedback found. |
| |
Leave Your Feedback |
 | |
| |||
Anne BarrAnne Barr has over 26 years experience in sales and marketing, six years as a franchisee. She has assisted over 367 business owners and purchasers to achieve their goals in career change, transition and exit strategy. She holds the designation of Certified Franchise Executive from the International Franchise Association, Certified Business Intermediary from the International Business Brokers Association and Board Certified Broker from the Texas Association of Business Brokers. Anne is active in professional organizations, networking groups and volunteers for non-profit entities. As owner/operator of four successful businesses, Anne has proven people skills and enjoys helping clients find the right "fit" in business ownership. Visit www.FranchiseOpportunitySpecialist.com for more information about me and my company. - Visit Anne Barr's Website |
|||
Jeff FosterWebBizIdeas.com is a Minneapolis website design company founded to help people start an internet business by providing them with website, business, and internet resources that help foster the growth of successful online businesses and develop innovative Internet business ideas. We specialize in internet consulting & internet marketing. - Visit Jeff Foster's Website |
|||
John BrennanJohn Brennan Ed.D. Dr. Brennan is President of Interpersonal Development, LLC, a training and development firm. Interpersonal Development has provided sales training and coaching to more than 3,000 sales reps from over 100 companies. A native of Australia, Dr. Brennan received his doctorate from the University of Rochester. His dissertation researched the effectiveness of Behavioral Modeling Technology in training people in interpersonal skills. While he has spent most of his career designing or delivering training, he was also a Vice-President of Sales of a training and development franchise with operations in 25 markets. Dr. Brennan has designed and delivered sales training in North America, Asia, Europe, Australia and the Middle East. He has been a guest speaker at numerous national and regional professional conferences. When Microsoft wanted Best Practices articles on sales for their web site, they called Dr. Brennan. The results are at http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/FX011387391033.aspx His firm’s clients have included Volvo, The Prudential, Merrill Lynch, Eastman Kodak, Gannett, Equifax Europe, the Economist Group and countless small businesses. - Visit John Brennan's Website |
|||
Stephanie RobeyStephanie Robey is President and CoFounder of Pivot Positive, LLC - an Internet marketing business focused on helping people start work at home ventures. Previously, she was employed at The Search Agency with over 20 years experience in graphic design and 10 years experience in online marketing. She was responsible for launching the Conversion Path Optimization (CPO) unit where she and her team have conducted hundreds of optimization tests for online companies across multiple verticals. She is a successful entrepreneur having started and sold 2 companies and remains on the board of directors of the third, PhotoSpin.com Stephanie began her career in the direct marketing realm creating and producing direct mail for many of the major cable television companies and directly attributes her understanding of Internet marketing to those early offline experiences. Stephanie is a graduate of San Diego State University with a BFA in Graphic Arts and also holds an Executive MBA from the Graziadio School of Business and Management at Pepperdine University. Read Steph's Blog Meet Steph and Dave Sign up for our Free 7-Day BootCamp: Self Employed & Rich - Visit Stephanie Robey's Website |
|||
|
To learn more about the Evan Elite Author Program please contact us. | |||
 | |
|  |
Subscribe to Elizabeth's articles
 | |
|
|  |
 | |
|
| |
 | |||||||
|
 | ||
 |
||
 |
||
|
||
|
| ||
 |
| Have you written articles that would be of value to entrepreneurs? Become an expert on our site by publishing them! Expose yourself to a wide audience, drive more traffic to your website and get more sales! Click Here for details. |
|
|
 |
| Modeling the Masters: Learn the true secrets behind Walt Disney's business success factors & grow your company! Video produced by Phanta Media |
|
|
 |
"Learn straight from Evan how you can Make a Full Time Income (And More) from a Website"
Click Here To Learn More |
|
|
|
|
Get advice & tips from famous business owners, new articles by entrepreneur experts, my latest website updates, & special sneak peaks at what's to come!
|
|
|
 Why Business Owners Quit Get Working Capital The Art Of Networking DCJA Consultancy Case Study Workplace Violence |
|
 | ||
 |
Top 50 Political Blogs
Top Political Blogs of 2009 | |
 |
Top 50 Blogs For Startups
Top Blogs To Watch In 2008 | |
| ||
 | ||||
| ||||
|
| ||||
| ||||
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||
|
Email us your ideas on how to make our website more valuable! Thank you Sharon from Toronto Salsa Lessons / Classes for your suggestions to make the newsletter look like the website and profile younger entrepreneurs like Jennifer Lopez and Sean Combs!
|
|
|
