Mention the word ‘transformation’ to someone and you are likely to encounter various responses.
For some it conjures up images of incense-filled rooms and butterflies; for others it may cause their eyes to glaze over while nodding in agreement. In the end, I believe too few of us understand the power or the process of transformation and its practical application in our day to day lives.
For me, transformation is about working with what you’ve got in any given moment to create a different result. In fact, I say transformation is about producing extraordinary results in your life. In any case, it is about creating something that serves you in a positive way and pulls your forward Notice I said ‘pulls you forward.’ Most of us go through life either kicking and screaming or finding we have to drag or push ourselves to achieve something. Some call this ‘motivating yourself’ – I call it making life more difficult than it needs to be. Transformation is about feeling inspired to act; and inspiration comes from within ourselves, not an outside source.
Typically, goals are supposed to have an inspirational role in our lives but more often than not they fall short of the mark. This is because we formulate goals too early in the process of planning what it is we want. Unless you establish a solid foundation – much like when you want to build a house – your goals have no ‘legs’ to stand on.
These ‘legs’ work the same way as the legs of a table or stool. The more legs you have supporting the table or stool, the more stable it becomes. Pretty logical, right?
So what are the ‘legs’ you need to put under your table of goals? Briefly they are:
1. appreciate your successes 2. learn your lessons 3. eliminate limiting behaviours 4. know what’s important to you 5. write down your goals and get the support you need Step 1 – Appreciate Your Successes How often do you take time to remember all your successes and accomplishments? When was the last time your boss called a meeting to review your achievements? For most people the answer is probably: ‘Never.’
In our society we just aren’t encouraged to reflect on the good stuff. We tend to be quick to criticize and slow to praise – and this is true whether we are talking about a corporate or family environment. Besides, it’s wrong to dwell on your achievements because you will end up being vain, arrogant and boastful. Isn’t that what your parents told you?
BUT this is just not true.
People who have a healthy attitude toward their successes in life achieve much more. Not only is their attitude much more positive, it is also realistic and balanced. This is because they understand the importance of taking time to remember, assess and learn from their successes.
Take ten minutes right now to think about and write down your past successes in the space provided. Keep in mind that success is not only about a huge achievement. Helping your child learn to read or remembering your friend’s birthday is also a success.
My Successes _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
My disappointments __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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Step 2 – Learn Your Lessons Now that you have a list of successes (and perhaps disappointments as well!) it’s time to look for the lessons learned. Even if we do take time to remember and acknowledge our successes we don’t take this nearly far enough.
Within each success there is a powerful lesson that can help us on our journey to a fulfilling life. It not only includes knowing where our strengths and gifts lie but also what actions and behaviours best serve us.
Lessons are short and directive and this step helps you extract your own best advice. Some examples are:
Do what I say Trust myself Pause before answering Ask for help Take time now to look over your successes and write down your own best advice.
My own best advice ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Step 3 – How Do You Limit Yourself and How Can You Stop?
You may think that you’re not the kind of person who limits themselves and that you’re really ‘out there.’ The real test is to look at the results you get in your life. Our results in life are consistent with what we say to ourselves. T. Harv Eker said it this way: Our physical and material world is a printout of our mental, emotional and spiritual worlds.
When you think about it, how could it be any other way? When you plant orange seeds you get an orange tree that makes oranges, not apples. You can curse and pray in an effort to grow apples but it’s not gonna happen. You can even paint them green or red if you want, but underneath they are still oranges!
I believe that we all limit ourselves. This step is an opportunity to uncover and come face-to-face with our limiting beliefs. Not for the purpose of analyzing and justifying their existence (we all have good stories about the WHY) but to use these as a springboard to creating new empowering beliefs and behaviours.
For most this is a difficult challenge. It requires us to look deeply within ourselves with raw honesty while still maintaining a sense of detachment. But I promise you it has the potential to make the biggest difference in your life.
This is best done in two steps. Firstly look at how you limit yourself ie what actions do you take, what behaviours do you display that limit the success you get in your life. Here are some examples:
I sleep in every morning.
I turn up late for work.
I say ‘yes’ when I want to say ‘no.’
I don’t ask for help.
Take a moment now to think about and write down some of your own limiting actions and write them in the space provided.
My limiting actions. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Underneath these actions is a limiting belief or paradigm. For the actions listed previously some examples of limiting paradigms could be:
I’m not important.
Nobody cares anyway.
I have to be nice and serve others.
I’m on my own.
What do you think are some of your own limiting beliefs or paradigms behind your actions?
My limiting beliefs __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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The second step is to create a new positive and powerful paradigm. More than just a lesson or advice to yourself, your new paradigm is affirming and points to an exciting future. A paradigm describes an attitude versus an action. To illustrate, I will use my own limiting and new paradigms as examples.
Limiting paradigm: No matter what I do or how much I know it will never be good enough.
New paradigm: I have more than enough of what I need to succeed.
Make sure you take enough time to do this step thoroughly and completely. On the other hand you don’t need to spend hours trying to find the perfect or right new paradigm. Like anything, it may change and evolve over time. The important thing is that you start somewhere.
My New Paradigm:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Step 4 – Know Your Values It’s amazing how little attention we place on our values when it comes to living our ideal life or setting meaningful goals. All around us we have so much evidence of people NOT living their values that we almost use this as an excuse not to live ours.
I’m not talking about the risk of you becoming a criminal and robbing a bank; I mean knowing with certainty and clarity what is important to you, what your priorities are in life.
The trap we sometimes fall into when it comes to our values is having values we think we should have or are supposed to have. For example, almost everyone states honesty and integrity as their values but when they become a matter of looking good versus doing good, the value becomes a negative driver.
A negative driver is something you do in order to prove yourself or to show you are good enough. When this happens we usually end up feeling drained and resentful because we do things we think we have to do rather than making the most of our talents and abilities to make a difference.
This step is important because it eliminates the pain of setting goals that are not aligned with or are at the expense of what we believe in. It is an opportunity to remind yourself of your personal guiding principles.
Some examples of fundamental values common on most people’s list include:
• integrity – being true to myself • keeping my word • honesty • family first Take some time now to write a list of your personal values and priorities. If your value is a single word, like integrity or trust, think about what that means to you. For example, for me integrity means being whole, complete and authentic in my communication.
My Values ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Step 5 – Set Meaningful Goals – and then get the support you need!
The previous four steps are an exercise in alignment and preparing a solid foundation for your goals. Your mind is now focused on what is important to you as well as being aware of the lessons, guidelines and new paradigm you will refer to when creating meaningful goals.
When it comes to writing goals I am sure you are aware of the SMART formula, that is:
Specific Measurable Attainable Relevant and Time-oriented The more powerfully you write your goals, the more responsible you can be about achieving them. It also makes breaking down your goals into smaller steps much easier.
One of the secrets of success in goal setting is having a good balance between realistic and stretch goals. Obviously ‘a good balance’ means different things to each of us, so be sure to take this point into consideration.
Take some time now to write down your top 3-5 goals for the next 6-12 months. As you are writing ask yourself these questions:
• Is this goal aligned with my values and what is important to me?
• Does it excite me?
• Am I willing to do whatever it takes to achieve this goal?
If you answer ‘no’ to any of the above, cross it off your list! Much better to do this now than in six months.
My Goals _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Congratulations! You have done 99% of the work towards transforming your life!
(For your convenience I have included an extra page at the end of this report where you can transfer your responses to each step onto one page for easy reference. Put this page in a prominent place where you can see it, read it and review it daily. You may even want to make copies of it for both your home and office.)
Most people will tell you that once you’ve written your list of goals, that you’re done. In fact, you have done more than what 95% of people do. But there is one more crucial and vital step that too many of us skimp on. That step is:
Get the support you need!
I know you have done a LOT of work and have put a GREAT amount of effort into getting this far and I commend you for it. What I know from personal experience is that going it alone is hard work. Success flows much more easily when you are both supported by and when you support others. It is definitely a two-way street.
This may seem like an obvious plug for my coaching services – and you would be partly right. After all, supporting others to achieve what they want in life is both my passion and what I do for a living. And really, it goes beyond what I say works.
In a teleconference I attended, Alex Mandossian, the internet marketing guru, quoted some startling figures from research done on what affects people’s success rates. This research found that people who set goals, increase their effectiveness by 17%; if they write these down and review them, they increase their effectiveness by another 17%; but if you write your goals down and then declare it to the world – that is, tell another person – then your success rate improves by over 60%.
In fact, the more I listen to highly successful people the more I hear the notion that your success is not an individual pursuit. The emphasis is on support, team work and surrounding yourself with like-minded people. This above all else has the power to determine how far you will go in achieving your goals.
Remember I also said that it’s a two-way street, so it’s about helping others in order to help yourself that makes the biggest difference.
Does this mean you need to have a coach? Well, I can’t answer that for you; I simply invite you to study what other highly successful people do and then make up your own mind.
And good luck!
Jenny Mallos is a certified professional coach and licensed Program Leader for Best Year Yet. She works with professionals, business people and solopreneurs who want to live their best life – NOW! For more information please visit Jenny’s website:
www.totaltransformationlifecoaching.com
Contact details:
Ph: +612 9592 0696 M: +61 (0)404 056 899 E: coachjen@totaltransformationlifecoaching.com
For more information on Best Year Yet please visit www.bestyearyet.com
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The Five Critical Steps to Transforming Your Life - To learn more about this author, visit Jenny Mallos's Website.
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