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The First Step to a Great Negotiation

Written by: Kristin Thalheimer

Article Overview: Just the thought of a negotiation makes many of us sit up straighter. We pull back our shoulders and think: I have to be smarter than them. I have to watch out for their tricks! The word is heavily loaded with an “us vs. them” mentality.

The First Step to a Great Negotiation

Just the thought of a negotiation makes many of us sit up straighter. We pull back our shoulders and think: I have to be smarter than them. I have to watch out for their tricks! The word is heavily loaded with an “us vs. them” mentality.

In truth, it doesn’t have to be that way. In fact, we are more likely to be successful at our negotiation if we drop the “us vs. them” idea altogether. Negotiation has gotten a bad rap and the misperception that one person must lose so that the other can win is the first and worst of the misunderstandings.

The first step to a great negotiation is a radical, mind-altering twist: think of the person you are negotiating with as a partner, not an opponent. Realize that you both come to the table with authentic needs and wishes for a successful outcome. Open your mind to the idea that there is a solution, probably many of them, which would allow both parties to walk away happy.

Radical, yes – difficult, no: Take for instance, the classic example of the salary negotiation. We often think: They are out to get me. They will want to start me at the lowest possible salary (the win-lose approach). In reality, what do most hiring managers want? Answer: a capable person who can help take the pressure off of them. Opening the negotiation from the vantage point that you are a capable person and can fit the needs of your soon-to-be manager will change your mindset as you enter into discussions. Now you can both win.

What if your negotiating partner is stuck in the mindset that it is a win-lose deal? Very often, you can quickly help them change their perspective. Take a leadership role; make a bold statement. Often, one or more of the following will be an option:

• Smile – Offer a warm handshake, sit on the same side of the table.
• Create a welcoming environment – Bring muffins and coffee for an early morning meeting, talk over lunch, find a space (big comfy chairs rather than a conference room) that exudes warmth.
• Tell them – Say sincerely: I know we can find a way to have this work out well for both of us. I’d really like to work together on this.
• Listen to all their concerns – Employ your best listening skills. Any resistance will most likely melt away when you really listen and respond with care.
• Build trust – Take your time. Repeat your wishes for a win-win outcome. Let them understand you really want what’s best for both parties.

Of course it should be mentioned that there are people in the world who are only looking to win so that you might lose. But these people are rare. And, this does not need to change your initial approach. By granting room for a win-win solution, you haven’t given anything away.

Negotiation doesn’t need to be stressful. Negotiation can be a way of discussing continuous possibilities for winning solutions. When you tap into your creativity, not your bag of tricks, you can create a win-win solution that, in the end, will build bridges, not tear them down.

Resources:
Ury, William. Getting Past No: Negotiating Your Way From Confrontation to Cooperation. Bantam, 1993.

© 2005 Kristin Thalheimer, MBA & Coach

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