Top Ten Things You Would Never Hear a Coach Say or then again
Top Ten Things You Would Never Hear a Coach Say or then again
1. Let Me Tell You About My Day
Coaching is about the client and NOT about the coach, usually. Sometimes a coaching experience might be worth a share if a coachee is stuck – but not usually. It’s all about them – not you. Honour that.
2. Well, You’re Just Useless Aren’t You!
It’s bad enough to criticise them for their past – but this reinforces their own self-doubt about their future. You have even taken away their hope for goodness sakes. A coach’s role is to enable potential and open the client's eyes to possibilities. Not slam it shut.
3. You Think You’ve Got Problems - Well, Let Me Tell You…
OK, so you’ve got some issues you are facing yourself. Sorry about that. In a coaching context, you are there to support and grow the client – not devalue what is truly on their mind, by filling it up with your issues. You can share them – but on your time, not theirs.
4. What I’d Do is This…
Now this is very tempting – and sometimes (‘Stop coaching me for a minute, throw me a rope!’) it might, just might be acceptable – yes, I have done it myself! But in the main, the coach’s job is to extract the greatness out of the client and then build on their abilities and confidence going forward.
5. Sit Down and Shut Up, I’ve Got Something to Say
No, we haven’t quite got the hang of this here, have we? Coaching is about listening, more especially, really hearing and asking some challenging questions - maybe. Even listening is all some clients need – they process solutions as they talk – it’s remarkable. So how does the line above help that? Not at all.
6. Well, You’ve Wasted the Last 20 Years of your Life then Haven’t You…
Spot the mistake here then? Everyone in the world has value, often untapped and often hidden under piles and piles of history and baggage. Your job is to help them rise above it – NOT to stick another six of the best Samsonite’s on the top!
7. Excuse Me if I Just Check my E-mail While You’re Talking
Ever done two things at once? In the case of a coaching relationship, trust and focus are vital to build the relationship. If you are doing something else when talking to the client, you are not giving your full attention, whether the discussion is on the phone or face to face. Make sure there are no interruptions or distractions.
8. I’m Not Interested in What’s Causing the Problem – Let’s Just Fix it Fast
You could do this…but where will they come next time for a solution. Yes, to you. So when will this stop? When can you get on with your own job? When you take the time to build their ability to solve their own problems – that’s when. It requires questions and a ‘blame-free’ culture. And it requires a coaching style.
9. I’ll Tell You What Your Problem is…
Go on then, do it. This takes a punch at what their weaknesses are and not their strengths. People already know where their weaknesses are, believe me. Coaches build on strengths and leverage them to cope with areas that the client finds more challenging.
10. Can I Call You for a Date?
Just for fun this one. But with a serious side. It is challenging to have a professional relationship and have other things on your mind. It is quite hard to be very objective if there are other distractions – so take care in this area. Though coaching in Starbucks would be my idea of bliss! Oh, yes - and according to the International Coach Federation, quite understandably, it's unethical.
The constructive way to use this is to take the opposite courses of action to those listed - then you will have the foundation of a valuable coaching relationship with your client, privately or in your workplace.
Martin Haworth is a business and management coach and trainer, working with a range of clients from corporates to individuals worldwide. www.MartinHaworth.com
Top Ten Things You Would Never Hear a Coach Say or then again - To learn more about this author, visit Martin Haworth's Website.
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When coaching, it's all about the client, be that as a professional coach, or a line manager/business owner using coaching skills in their own business, with their own people. But it's so easy sometimes to turn the tables and be the client..oh, so easy...:-)
1. Let Me Tell You About My Day
Coaching is about the client and NOT about the coach, usually. Sometimes a coaching experience might be worth a share if a coachee is stuck – but not usually. It’s all about them – not you. Honour that.
2. Well, You’re Just Useless Aren’t You!
It’s bad enough to criticise them for their past – but this reinforces their own self-doubt about their future. You have even taken away their hope for goodness sakes. A coach’s role is to enable potential and open the client's eyes to possibilities. Not slam it shut.
3. You Think You’ve Got Problems - Well, Let Me Tell You…
OK, so you’ve got some issues you are facing yourself. Sorry about that. In a coaching context, you are there to support and grow the client – not devalue what is truly on their mind, by filling it up with your issues. You can share them – but on your time, not theirs.
4. What I’d Do is This…
Now this is very tempting – and sometimes (‘Stop coaching me for a minute, throw me a rope!’) it might, just might be acceptable – yes, I have done it myself! But in the main, the coach’s job is to extract the greatness out of the client and then build on their abilities and confidence going forward.
5. Sit Down and Shut Up, I’ve Got Something to Say
No, we haven’t quite got the hang of this here, have we? Coaching is about listening, more especially, really hearing and asking some challenging questions - maybe. Even listening is all some clients need – they process solutions as they talk – it’s remarkable. So how does the line above help that? Not at all.
6. Well, You’ve Wasted the Last 20 Years of your Life then Haven’t You…
Spot the mistake here then? Everyone in the world has value, often untapped and often hidden under piles and piles of history and baggage. Your job is to help them rise above it – NOT to stick another six of the best Samsonite’s on the top!
7. Excuse Me if I Just Check my E-mail While You’re Talking
Ever done two things at once? In the case of a coaching relationship, trust and focus are vital to build the relationship. If you are doing something else when talking to the client, you are not giving your full attention, whether the discussion is on the phone or face to face. Make sure there are no interruptions or distractions.
8. I’m Not Interested in What’s Causing the Problem – Let’s Just Fix it Fast
You could do this…but where will they come next time for a solution. Yes, to you. So when will this stop? When can you get on with your own job? When you take the time to build their ability to solve their own problems – that’s when. It requires questions and a ‘blame-free’ culture. And it requires a coaching style.
9. I’ll Tell You What Your Problem is…
Go on then, do it. This takes a punch at what their weaknesses are and not their strengths. People already know where their weaknesses are, believe me. Coaches build on strengths and leverage them to cope with areas that the client finds more challenging.
10. Can I Call You for a Date?
Just for fun this one. But with a serious side. It is challenging to have a professional relationship and have other things on your mind. It is quite hard to be very objective if there are other distractions – so take care in this area. Though coaching in Starbucks would be my idea of bliss! Oh, yes - and according to the International Coach Federation, quite understandably, it's unethical.
The constructive way to use this is to take the opposite courses of action to those listed - then you will have the foundation of a valuable coaching relationship with your client, privately or in your workplace.
Martin Haworth is a business and management coach and trainer, working with a range of clients from corporates to individuals worldwide. www.MartinHaworth.com
Top Ten Things You Would Never Hear a Coach Say or then again - To learn more about this author, visit Martin Haworth's Website.
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Dianne CramptonDianne Crampton is an executive leadership coach, team consultant, author and president of TIGERS Success Series, Inc. Dianne has been helping CEO's and Executives connect their employees to their core values and goals for over 20 years using the trademarked TIGERS team culture process, which stands for trust, interdependence, genuineness, empathy, risk and success. To download a free white paper on behaviors that build strong teams and behaviors that will predictably tear them down go here. - Visit Dianne Crampton's Website |
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Cheryl MatthynssensCheryl is a life skills coach, licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor and a 20 year entrepreneur. Cheryl's dedication to achieving a life of balance led to her expanding her teaching from the simple managing of life's daily challenges to adding financial well being as well. A direct marketer with DrinkACT, she is gaining ground in the online community with her concepts of making sure business owners, entreprenuers and employees have well rounded life styles. She opened up a small affiliate site - The Balance Guide- to help others find resources for mental and emotional well being. Visit Cheryl's blog to see more of the diversity beyond business she has began offering online at www.thebalanceguide.blogspot.com - Visit Cheryl Matthynssens's Website |
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Linda RichardsonLinda Richardson is the Founder and Executive Chairwoman of Richardson, a global sales training and performance improvement company. As a recognized leader in the industry, she has won the coveted Stevie Award for Lifetime Achievement in Sales Excellence and she was identified by Training Industry, Inc. as one of the “Top 20 Most Influential Training Professionals.” Ms. Richardson is credited with the movement to Consultative Selling and is the author of ten books on selling and sales management, including Sales Coaching — Making the Great Leap from Sales Manager to Sales Coach, and Stop Telling, Start Selling. She teaches sales and management at the Wharton Graduate School of the University of Pennsylvania and the Wharton Executive Development Center. Linda is a frequent speaker at industry and client conferences, has been published extensively in industry and training journals, and has been featured in numerous publications, including The Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Nation’s Business, Selling Power, Success, and The Conference Board Magazine. Learn more about Richardson's sales training and performance improvement solutions at http://www.richardson.com web - Visit Linda Richardson's Website |
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