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How To Understand People Better

Written by: Sean McPheat

Article Overview: In this article you will learn how to understand people alot better.

How To Understand People Better

The feedback we receive from our Advanced Communication Skills course is just awesome. This is because it goes beyond the normal communication techniques that you use on any other course.

Instead, you delve into how people behave, understand why they do what they do, you understand how others think and what makes up their personality so that you can communicate, build rapport and influence them at a different level.

All of the delegates come off the course thinking like Hannibal Lector!

No, not that way!

Instead, delegates come off the course really understanding what makes people tick and what makes them what they are.

We have just completed a series of 2 day Advanced Communication Skills workshops for the Senior Managers of a company and this got me thinking - "Why don't I tell my Quick Tips subscribers about some techniques that they can use with their staff?"

So here goes - during the next couple of weeks I am going to touch on some awesome communication techniques that you can use with your staff to make them perform better and for you to get the desired outcomes that you want in your communications.

This stuff will blow your mind!

Ok, enough of me going on!

Let's move on to our first session.

PART 1
"Appreciate that not everyone likes to achieve and move towards goals. Some would rather avoid pain far more than to gain pleasure"

Let's take a look at this.

All human behaviour is centred around gaining pleasure or avoiding pain!

You go out for a nice meal with friends to gain pleasure. You run away from a poisonous snake to avoid pain!

Someone goes to the gym to work out because THEY WANT to look fabulous, have a hot body and feel more attractive. Others may go to the gym because they DON'T WANT to look fat, ugly and feel out of place in society.

Notice above that some people go to the gym because "THEY WANT TO HAVE..." and others go to the gym because "THEY DON'T WANT TO HAVE..."

This is interesting...

By the way not everyone acts in the same way here, everyone moves toward some things and away from others. But overall everyone has a dominant preference.

So, looking at this then - some people like to move towards things and others like to move away from things.

How do you know who is which?

Well, this is easily done by listening out to the way that they respond.

When you ask people or staff about "What they want in a job, this project, their work, their relationships and so worth - do they tell you WHAT THEY WANT or WHAT THEY DON'T WANT?

Listen to everyday conversations.

Are people moving towards things?

"I want to achieve a 234% increase in sales next month"

"I want us to dominate the widgets market"

"We are going to make this happen so we look the best team in the department".

Or are people moving away from things? (Some 3 phrases above)

"We need to increase sales because I don't want our department to be bottom of the league tables"

"If we do not dominate our market XYZ competitor will overtake us and I do not want that to happen"

"If we do not improve we are going to look the worst team in the department"

Can you see the differences?

They are all stating the same thing but in a different way?

Which ones would you be more motivated to achieve?

WORKING HARDER TO BE THE BEST TEAM?

OR

WORKING HARDER TO AVOID BEING THE WORSE TEAM?

Think about this....it is really important how you communicate to people.

USING THIS IN THE WORKPLACE

I am sure you have some ideas of your own of how to use this in the workplace.

Here are some of my tips where this can be very useful.

#1 MOTIVATING STAFF

Are you trying to "achieve" all of the time with everyone or are you modifying your approach with different people depending on how they think?

Stress to "MOVE TOWARDS" people what they will get out of a situation and they will be motivated. Do this to "AWAY FROM" people and you are wasting your time.

You need to be flexible and change your approach.

I am sure that you "Just can't seem to get through to some people". Well, the first thing you should look at is whether you are moving them TOWARDS something when they want to move AWAY FROM or vice versa.

Not everyone are goal seeking machines you know. Even though we are taught that they are!

#2 SELLING YOUR IDEAS OR PRODUCTS

If you are selling an idea or a product you can promote it by:

WHAT IT DOES
or
WHAT IT DOESN'T DO

You can try to sell a motorbike by explaining that it is fast, cool and hip and trendy or you can stress that it does not use much petrol, has low insurance premiums and will not break down on you.

The approach that you would use depends on the person.

Think about this when you need to influence or sell something.

USING THIS AT HOME

For those of you that have kids or want to communicate better with your spouse think of this...

How many times have you told your kids "Do your homework or you will fail your exams" or "You'd better study hard because you don't want to end up like me" or "You'd better work hard at school or you will not get into XYZ University"

Have you noticed something?

These are all MOVE AWAY from statements. What response are you getting?

What about if your children are more motivated about MOVING TOWARDS things? Yes, what you have just said to them will go in one ear and out the other.

Let's just reframe those statements so that they would appeal to a MOVE TOWARDS child:

Instead of:

"Do your homework or you will fail your exams"
USE
"Do your homework Sam so you will get the best grades, get a great job and have loads of money when you are older!"

Instead of:

"You'd better study hard because you don't want to end up like me"
USE
"Study hard Sam so you can get that big house, flashy sports car and have great holidays"

Instead of:

"You'd better work hard at school or you will not get into XYZ University"
USE
"If you work hard Sam you will be able to take your pick of the Universitys in the country!"

I hope you enjoyed that session?

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Related Forum Posts
Re: Success - I study success intently, and would like to share: Here's two excellent and nearly identical success-formulas from a couple of the world's masters. FIRST FORMULA: 1. Passionate Desire 2. Clear, Definite Purpose 3. Committed Decision 4. Take Action In Faith (Bonus Secret Sauce: 5. Repeat Consistently) I made a video about this, but am not allowed to link it yet. Google "Ryze Success Steps" for it. Oh, and this is Napoleon Hill's (Master Of Success Laws)'s Formula. SECOND FORMULA: 1. Passionate Desire 2. Understand It Is Already Done (Faith) 3. Relax & Allow It To Unfold (Go about your life calmly) This one is courtesy of Abraham-Hicks (inspiration for the movie The Secret). Hope that helps!
Risky business? - I follow the rule that you should never do business with friends or family (aside from business, I never borrow from them on a personal level either). It's nice that your friend offered without being asked, and i'm sure he thinks your idea is a really good one or he wouldn't have made that type of offer (to risk money) just out of friendship. I'm sure if he didn't think it woould fly, he wouldnt have made the offer. It's a matter of personal preference whether you want to have a friend (or family memember) be your Angel investor. You both need to understand the risks involved and discuss the "what if's" beforehand....What if it doesn't work out? Does he lose his initial investment? Should you try to pay him back if the business fails, when he offered to take the risk and you didn't ask? These are things that should be discussed and even though you are friends, you should have a lawyer draw up an investment or partnership agreement. Understand it's a business venture and the friendship should have nothing to do with it.
Re: Kevin's Case Study #3 - Promoting something you can't try - I agree with ltrahan. People generally have to see it to believe it these days. I know I would want to.
Re: How can I use this forum to market my company? - Indeed this forum is a great place for your business promotion. People are looking into it seriously and i have been getting a lot of positive response.
Re: new at this and need to get moving - Hi Glenn, This is a good place to come for ideas. People are very open and willing to share. What is the product you sell?


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