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Guest post by: Kirsten Ross Become an Author

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Each one of us is a valuable resource and we all have gifts we are meant to use in service to others. There are demands on our time constantly. How do we pick and choose where we will use our time and energy? It’s tough!

The Priorities Game can help. I use it with many of my clients. Just apply these few simple questions to any demand on your time before you make a decision. You will be more intentional about your choices. Follow through based on your answers and you’ll experience more focused energy and peace.

If none of the resulting answers is “move forward” then move on. Here’s how it goes:

1. Is any part of this in my control?

Yes – Move forward

No – Move on

2. As an alternative, can I provide support or advocacy?

Yes – Move forward with no attachment to any specific outcome

No – Move on

3. Is this worthy of my time and energy?

Yes – Move forward

No – Move on

4. Am I able to accommodate this given my current obligations?

Yes – Move forward

No – Move on

If the answer to all four questions is move on then you must stop giving energy to the issue. No more worry time, no more frustration. Nothing. Let go!

If the answer is move forward, pick and choose the role you will play and determine specifically what you will commit to based on what is in your control and what you have time for. Once your decision is made, set good boundaries, communicate them assertively and stick to them.

That’s it! Seems simple but how often do we actually live it out?

My clients often get tripped up in a few spots.

1. Support or Advocacy: Can you REALLY provide support without being attached to a specific outcome? Often we have no control and must give without ever seeing the results that we want. For instance, a friend struggling with a drug-addicted child. You can provide support for your friend but you may not be able to sway the outcome. The goal is to care and have empathy but release. I visualize my hands open. Giving with no attachment. Give and release.

I’ve also talked to many Chiropractors who advocate for their profession, hoping to change state guidelines or improve reimbursement rules with insurance companies. They have a vested interested for sure. But, staying attached to one specific outcome for what has been a long journey can leave you feeling emotionally spent. It’s like driving with your hands gripped tightly on the wheel. The goal is to give your opinion, release and let the journey continue.

2. Are you able to make space? Time is a limited resource. If you are already functioning at full capacity making space must mean pulling back from other priorities not just adding on. And this requires even more tenacity to protect your boundaries. My clients are often unrealistic about what they can take on. Our desire to be of help can surpass our ability to give. Overextending means stress and stress means you are not at your best. Please be realistic. You are a valuable resource. Overextending robs the world of the best you.

3. Saying No: Often we get tripped up in the execution part of the game. We just find it hard to speak the word no. There are actually many ways to say it. Create a list and practice.

For instance, you went through the drill and determined you were not going to take on a role with your co-worker who’s dating a jerk. You have no control and she’s in denial. When she comes crying to you yet again, have a prepared statement that helps you avoid spending time and energy there again.

Keep practicing with these four questions. At a minimum, they will help you stay more aware about the choices you are making and what control you really have over the activities you are pursuing. Be a good steward of your gifts!

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