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Stacking realities

Guest post by: Charlie Badenhop

Article Overview: Many of our self esteem issues and lack of confidence stem from childhood and can have a negative effect on job performance and our ability to take constructive criticism from a manager or co-worker.To face up to these obstacles and become objective, a career coach may be the answer.

Stacking realities

Recently a new client told me he had an important issue he wanted to work on. He was feeling a lack of support at work, and thus he was losing confidence in his ability to do his job. I asked for some details, and here is the conversation that transpired:

"My boss is often harsh with me, and I wind up feeling like a fool. In fact, he reminds me a lot of my father. My father was always making fun of me. Nothing I did was ever good enough for him, and he never helped me to understand the best way to proceed with a new task."

"You know, the first time I went off to summer camp my father required me to do all of the labeling of my clothes on my own. He required this without telling me what to do, and how. I was very embarrassed when I turned out to be the only boy at camp that had his name written on the outside of all of his underwear, instead of on the inside."

"The embarrassment I experienced at summer camp was heightened when I went back to school. My classmates made fun of me when I changed for gym and they saw my name written on the outside of my underwear. They asked me if I was afraid I might forget my own name!"

"By the time I got to high school all of the abuse I had received from others had turned me into a real loner. Most kids took the bus to school, but I wound up riding my bike back and forth every day, even though it took me an hour each way. Then finally my bike got stolen, and I was too embarrassed to start taking the bus, because I knew the other kids would ridicule me, so I started staying away from school."

At this point my client was slumped over, his head down, and he seemed to barely be breathing.

I let him stay like this for a full minute, and then I gently asked him. "A few minutes ago you told me the issue you were wanting to work on with me. Can you please repeat what you said earlier?"

He looked up at me, and he seemed somewhat disoriented and embarrassed. After a few moments he said "I feel stupid, but I don't remember what I said initially. I hope you won't think I'm a fool!"

"I don't at all feel like you are a fool." I replied. "Instead, I realize you have been spinning a very powerful story, and in the process of telling your story, you have become somewhat disoriented."

"Your feeling foolish has nothing to do with your intelligence. Feeling somewhat foolish is what happens to all of us when we lose track of the thread of continuity we have woven from the past, through to the present. "

"You lost your place in your own story as you skipped from one scene to the next. In my work we call this 'stacking realities, one upon the other'. We start out telling a story about the present, and before we recognize it, we slip into telling a story from the past. In the process, we wind up feeling just like we did 'way back then'. Our current emotional sense of reality is determined by way we felt as a child."

"In our work together, you will cultivate a new sense of identity by engaging in Seishindo practices, and you will learn how to experience your past from the present. You have many talents, abilities, and insights now, that you did not have as a child. You can use today's strengths, to help you understand yesterday's heartbreaks."

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Article Tags: career coaching, learned responses, self image



Related Forum Posts
Re: Before you spend all your money on a prototype - Its hard to pick out a favourite part. But one thing I really LOVE is the whole idea that if we could see what lies ahead for us, it would help us all stay focused and positive. While we dont often get the chance to see into the future, we can try harder to remember that we do create our own realities. I also love the Disney quote at the and it reminds me of Finding Nemo, just keep swimming, just keep swimming... J


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