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Coaching Yourself: How To Deal With Fear

Written by: Molly Gordon

Article Overview: As a coach, I know that fear is responsible for much, if not most, frustration and failure. When my clients learn to work with and overcome their fears and anxiety, they step into a world of virtually unlimited possibility and satisfaction. I believe this article will help you understand more about fear and choose how you respond to it, creating a space for greater meaning and prosperity in your life.

Coaching Yourself: How To Deal With Fear

As a coach, I know that fear is responsible for much, if not most, frustration and failure. When my clients learn to work with and overcome their fears and anxiety, they step into a world of virtually unlimited possibility and satisfaction. I believe this article will help you understand more about fear and choose how you respond to it, creating a space for greater meaning and prosperity in your life.

When dealing with fear, it is helpful to realize that not all fears are created equal. Timothy Gallwey and Robert Kriegel devote an entire chapter to two kinds of fear in their book "Inner Skiing," which they call Fear 1 and Fear 2. Fear 1 magnifies danger and vulnerability while minimizing your sense of competence. In other words, Fear 1 is Fantasy Expectations Appearing Real.

Fear 2 mobilizes your whole being for effective action. It includes a series of marvelous physiological changes that prepare the body for peak performance. Fear 2 focuses attention, provides adrenaline for extraordinary effort, and sharpens perception. Fear 2 promotes effective action; Fear 1 paralyzes us and prevents action.

DEALING WITH FEAR: EXERCISE

Make a list of all of your fears, writing as fast as you can to block the internal censor. Include EVERY fear, however small or irrational. Then read them aloud, suspending judgment. Allow yourself to feel the fear without grabbing onto the hot air balloon. Notice that being afraid does not have to mean losing ground.
If it feels comfortable, share your list with a friend. Before sharing your list, explain that you simply want a witness, that you are playing with how it is to acknowledge your fears without being pulled off center by them. Be clear that you are not asking for help and that you do not need advice. You do not need to be fixed. Ask your friend to simply listen, and to acknowledge you for being conscious of your fears.

Now, you have the opportunity to sort your fears by type. Work through your list, labeling each fear as:
-- Fear 1
-- Fear 2
-- Not sure, or includes aspects of both types of fear.

Writing down your fears is a powerful step in dealing with fears and anxiety and eventually managing them. Until you write them down, they are like so many vehicles in gridlock. Once you have them on paper, you can park some and move others, clearing a space for forward movement. In this way, writing down your fears creates a space for awareness and choice. (Tip: Refrain from judging yourself or your fears. Just list and label them.)

MAKING THE DISTINCTION BETWEEN TWO TYPES OF FEAR

Once you have a list, notice where Fear 1 and Fear 2 show up. The following distinctions will help:

-- Fear 1 promotes panic and confusion. Fear 2 promotes clarity and purpose.
-- Fear 1 is often about saving face. Fear 2 is about stepping out of your comfort zone.
-- Fear 1 triggers avoidance of the facts. Fear 2 heightens awareness and perception.
-- Fear 1 wants you just to stop. Fear 2 wants you to move forward powerfully and safely.
-- Fear 1 magnifies danger and vulnerability. Fear 2 calls on our capacity to respond to danger.
-- Fear 1 originates in our ego mind. Fear 2 is a whole-system response.

Both types of fear are present in many situations. What is important is to use your powers of assessment and discrimination to turn down the volume on Fear 1 while calling on Fear 2 for the energy and focus to move forward. With practice, you can actually transform Fear 1 into Fear 2 by focusing and accurately assessing the real risk and your real competence.

For example, Fear 1 makes a terrified skier (and I speak from experience!), see a shear drop where the slope is actually quite moderate. When the skier stops and measures the actual slope by holding her pole parallel to it, she increases her awareness of actual conditions, reducing the influence of Fear 1. By continuing to examine the slope, seeing in her mind's eye how she would ski the slope if she chose to, she further reduces panic. When at last she takes off down the hill, trusting in her competence and in her assessment of the challenge, she completes her shift from Fear 1 (panic) into Fear 2 (concentrated exhilaration).

Learning to deal with fears in this manner takes practice. The pay off is potentially unlimited as you remove barriers to learning, performance and joy.

* * *

Follow Molly Gordon's online guide "How to overcome fears and anxiety" and step into a world of virtually unlimited possibility and satisfaction. This guide outlines four principles of dealing with fear that have freed dozens of Molly's clients and hundreds of readers of her newsletter from crippling fear: redefining fear, tapping into your body wisdom, discerning two types of fear, and maintaining homeostasis while overcoming self-sabotage. Applying these principles will empower you to understand fears and anxiety and to choose how you respond to them, creating a space for greater meaning and prosperity in your life. You will learn what to do to support stepping out of your comfort zone and find a list of useful books on fear and inspiring fear quotes. Work through this guide, and enjoy the transformation that occurs when fear and anxiety stop running the show.

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Related Forum Posts
Re: Fear of Success - You don't need to fear success. We should embrace it. Fear is define by a man of God as False Evidence Appearing Real. the meaning is what we fear most does'nt come to pass
Other Great Books... - Feel The Fear And Do It AnyWay - Susan Jeffers How To Stop Worrying And Do It Anyway - Dale Carnegie ('What's the worst that could happen - the worst?' Then prepare yourself for that and reality is such a relief!).
Who inspired you to start? - When I was a teenager I read "The Art of the Deal" by Donald Trump while on a road trip to New York City. It helped inspire me to want to start my own business and is also one of the reasons why I have created so many famous entrepreneur profiles. I believe that by modeling the success of other entrepreneurs you too can become successful. Who was it that inspired you to start your business?
Trump and Stewart - I really enjoyed Trump: The Art of the Deal and The Martha Rules. I think the best advice you can get is from people who have made it and not just consultants who haven't been there. Evan's site is great because of all the famous entrepreneurs and their advice directly from them. Donald Trump and Martha Stewart are 2 great examples of successful entrepreneurs and the books are written in their own words which I find extremely valuable and motivational.
Re: What I'm reading this weekend - Oct 8, 2010 - these are great! In particular, I liked "you’re already perfect" and "Smashing through the Black Wall of Fear." That's exciting that there is a new 4-hour book out. I really enjoyed "The 4 hour Workweek."


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