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Are You Your Own Worst Enemy?

Guest post by: Terri Levine

Article Overview: When things seem to always go wrong and our relationships don't work out and we don't reach our goals, there are usually many reasons behind it, one of them being self-sabotage.

Are You Your Own Worst Enemy?

Do you have trouble reaching your goals? Do you go out of your way to make things happen yet still fall short of achievement? Do other people help you and try to give you opportunities and yet you still miss out? Do your relationships sour early? Do you think you're living under a curse? Does this cause you to procrastinate and experience too many moments of self doubt? Is this holding you back?

Sounds like you may be your own worst enemy.

For a start, stop focusing on all the things that are going wrong in your life. Yes, they may exist, but you make matters worse by acknowledging them and giving them power with your the attention. Start to look for the silver linings in your clouds, and no matter how insignificant, make note of the things that are going right. Start an "evidence journal" and write in it daily the things you have noticed that are going right in your life.

"I made the bus in time today!" "The Boss smiled at me and complimented me on my clean desk." "I was lucky and got the last cream cookie at morning tea." As I said, it doesn't have to be earth shattering news, but every little bit counts and adds up. It will help change your focus.

Are you a worry wart, worrying about what might happen - to the world, your job, your family, your pet, the old lady down the street... and the negative affect it will have on your life? Does your fear hold you back from having a go? I could understand your trepidation at parachuting or bungee jumping, but non-life risking activities should not be on your avoidance list.

If your fears of "what if" are paralyzing you from taking action then you will never enjoy life and never progress. Focus on the present - the here and now - that you can do something about - you can't do a thing about what is going to happen in five days time. You cannot control the future and you cannot control what other people do or do not do, so accept that and let it go. You have no choice - we all have to do this. Often our worse fears do not happen anyway. You only make yourself miserable focusing on them.

When you don't reach your goals, or a special goal immediately, don't beat yourself up over it. It doesn't mean you aren't meant to have your goal or that you aren't good enough. It just means you need to be patient and perhaps try other ways to achieve your goal. Maybe your initial expectations were unrealistic. This doesn't mean quit. It just means revision. If Walt Disney quit when he experienced his numerous bankruptcies we wouldn't have Disneyland now.

You ARE deserving - we all are. Just because somebody was born with good looks and with a silver spoon in their mouth doesn't make them more deserving of a happy and successful life than someone born into poverty. It just means the poor person has more work to do! But that has nothing to do with being less or more deserving. Need more convincing?

Consider everything you have accomplished, no matter how small and acknowledge yourself for the achievement. Appreciate your value. When your inner voice starts to tell you how you are not good enough, quiet it and replace the comment with something positive and uplifting. "I AM worthy!"

Accept other people's compliments gracefully, and find more reasons why that compliment is so true about yourself. Take note of all your successes, no matter how trivial they may seem, and continue to find reasons to justify to yourself just how worthy you are. "I am worthy because I am kind, I try, sure I make mistakes but I learn from them, I know I'm not perfect but I'm not expected to be, and given that I aspire to better things is proof in itself that I AM worthy!" You get the idea.

Do you compare yourself with others? The problem with this is you are comparing apples with oranges instead of apples with apples. You can only compare yourself if you compare yourself with an exact duplicate... which doesn't exist. Making comparisons doesn't tend to make us feel better about ourselves unless we are comparing ourselves with those less fortunate. Be realistic and rational if you are going to make comparisons and make sure you always complete the comparative thought process with finding something about yourself that is terrific. (Better still, just don't do it! You are you and I am I... remember?)

Maybe you are on a team with Sarah X who seems very "lucky" because she is beautiful, rich and has a high paying position. Maybe you are average, from a family of blue collar workers who brought you up to think negatively and didn't have the means to see you through college, let alone university. Yet you sit across the table from Sarah X and start to feel unworthy and "less than". Well, if you must make comparisons, at least put a positive spin on them...

"I'm not as rich or successful as Sarah X but she came from a supportive wealthy family who encouraged her and put her through university which gave her a huge advantage, whereas my family are from a different background who taught me differently and didn't encourage me and didn't have the money or means to pay for higher education, BUT... there is nothing stopping me from succeeding on my own terms now, and I can do it even though it might take me a little longer because I don't have the same support or financial assistance... But I can do it because I am good enough and I will find a way!"

Coming from a fortunate background doesn't make somebody better or more deserving than you - just more fortunate.

Maybe it is this same comparison exercise that sees you avoiding what could be a fantastic relationship with somebody special simply because you don't believe somebody like them could be interested in somebody "like you".

Sound familiar? What are you afraid of? Intimacy? Being vulnerable? Do you think that once they find out that you are not what they think you are they will leave you because you're a phony? Maybe they know you better than you realize and maybe they see the real you... the you that is lovable and worthy! Ever thought of that?

You know what? Even if you were as weird and unworthy as YOU think you are, everyone has their own tastes and who are you to tell somebody else what sort of person they should like? Don't assume you are not worthy enough of anybody's special attention - you are and that is all there is to it.

Next time that "little voice" in your head puts you down, insults you, tells you not to get your hopes up because you're not good enough, etc. I want you to say "Stop! How dare you talk about my friend that way!" (Your friend being yourself.) And then list all the reasons "your friend" is the brilliant, worthy person who does deserve and is good enough.

Try being your own best friend for a change... instead of your own worst enemy!

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Article Tags: goals, own worst enemy, poor self image, self sabotage, success



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