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There Is No Right Or Wrong

Guest post by: Terri Levine

Article Overview: Learning to "let it be" is one of life's toughest challenges. We see things in terms of right or wrong because that is how we are brought up and how society keeps itself in check, but there is a cost for seeing things in these terms. There is also a way we can let it go and enjoy the calm that comes with letting go of judgement.

There Is No Right Or Wrong

As a professional coach, I believe that we, as human beings, are all connected. We may not see this and sometimes we may even wish we weren't, but it is an essential ingredient in the coaching process and one that serves us well in day to day living. I recognize this sense of connection, but I also recognize that we are each unique and have special gifts, talents, and offerings.

One of the challenges we all face, as human beings, is that of remaining non-judgmental. We tend to put labels on what we hear and see, such as right or wrong, good or bad, happy or sad, etc. Even young children hold judgment about what they see, hear, and experience. Somehow, society has trained us to judge others as good or bad and not to accept those who are different from us or what we consider the "norm." But when we shift into coaching mode, we believe that no one is right or wrong, good or bad ... they just are, and we accept who or what they are, period. Not always an easy task, admittedly.

It's easy for me to talk. Professional coaches are trained to hold a neutral position. (And that is one of the ways you can tell a trained coach from somebody just giving themselves the title.) After all, who are we to judge? However, letting go of reacting to what others say or do or who they are is challenging and requires a great deal of practice.

I have a helpful technique to learn the skill of being non-judgmental, and it involves the art of listening.

1. Pick three people you will listen to that you already know.

2. Pick two people you will listen to that you haven't yet engaged in a conversation.

3. One of the people on your list needs to be someone you hold in judgment in some manner.

4. Before you listen to them, tell yourself not to think about what they say to you with any judgment.

5. Focus on the person you are listening to and not your feelings or what you want to say in reply.

6. Set aside your personal feelings, beliefs, or agendas.

7. Listen to everything as if it was a plain and simple fact and nothing more.

8. Whenever you feel yourself getting emotionally charged or reactive, remind yourself to be quiet and just listen.

With continued practice, you will find that as you put judgment aside, you will gain the benefits of making greater connections with people, you will experience less stress and discomfort, and you will spend less time and energy with negative thoughts and more just being and letting others be.

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Article Tags: being judgemental, being nonjudgemental, judgement, let it be, letting go, listening



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