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Top Ten Things You Need To Know about Conflict Resolution

Guest post by: Terri Levine

Article Overview: Most people view conflict as a bad thing. It's unpleasant, but rather than being bad, maybe we should be viewing it more positively.

Top Ten Things You Need To Know about Conflict Resolution

Conflict gets a bad rap. Instead of looking at it as an unnecessary evil part of life, look at it as an opportunity for personal growth. We are confronted with behaviors and conflicts with others that mirror those same "annoying" aspects within ourselves - only we can't see it. It's hard to admit, but take a close look at your nemeses and at the particular traits that rile you and cause conflict. Now take a deep and honest look at yourself and deny you do not also possess those same traits.

The universe presents us with mirror images of ourselves in order to recognize those parts of ourselves that need working on. Once you have overcome a shortcoming, you rarely have to face it again. It's like going to school. Once you've learned your lesson, you move on to the next one, always progressing forwards.

So, conflict is a natural part of life and it can be healthy, particularly when it is resolved. Unresolved conflict is never healthy.

Aim to solve your conflicts with mature and open communication. Focus on the situation and not the person. Avoid making it personal and there is less likelihood of worsening the situation with the other person. Accept that it takes two to tango and admit and acknowledge your own role in the conflict. This allows the other person to save face and meet you half way.

When resolving conflicts and planning how to move forward it is important to agree on mutually acceptable solutions that are workable, otherwise they won't be implemented.

Realise that people get upset when their expectations are not fulfilled - has this been the reason for conflict?

People also get upset when they have to hold back on what they want to say. Have you allowed the other person to express themselves? This harks back to open communication. A sincere attempt to resolve conflict must involve both parties being able to speak in a safe environment, and be heard and acknowledged.

People also get upset when someone or something is standing in their way blocking their progress. Are you that person blocking someone's way? Or do you perceive they are blocking yours? This is where communication is so important. Maybe you both see each other as a block!

What you resist, persists... and it keeps persisting until you deal with it. Turn and face your demons and just like in your nightmares, you may well notice the demon shrinks when you confront it and you're the one in control again. Ignoring conflicting situations does not make them go away and the longer you leave them, the worse they become.

An easy opener for conflict resolution is admitting that each person can be right and wrong, and like the blind men and the elephant, each individual's perception of what the situation is or isn't depends on what part of the elephant they are "touching", i.e. the ear or the trunk. Maybe you are feeling the elephant's trunk and the other person is feeling the ear, and you are both adamant that what you are feeling is what an elephant is like. And you're both right... and both wrong because an elephant is more than one ear and one trunk, right? So it is possible to both be right and both be wrong, and acknowledging that enables you to move forward and resolve the conflict in a non hostile environment, and who knows, you may even end up friends!

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Article Tags: coaching, communication, conflict, conflict resolution, people skills



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