Coaching with EFT, Love and Laughter

Coaching with EFT, Feelings, Love and Laughter

Coaching is a serious matter. Or is it? I am not so sure; mainly because we all coach some of the time, so it can’t be that serious and you don’t need qualifications to provide help and support. Every time you talk with a friend, show support without criticism or comment, you are coaching. When you explain to a colleague about a task to be completed, you are coaching.

I am a Life and Business Coach and in each role there are many differences in technique and delivery. In both types of coaching and where appropriate, I use EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) which is a form of acupressure and NLP.

For the ‘professional business coach’ to get into a person deeply enough to be of any help takes time and patience. Coaching the question, or responding on demand to a particular need, as many coaches do, is not the best way to work for the long term good of the client.

By this I mean, the client will ask you a question such as “How do I cope with middle management issue X?” to which you will no doubt reply “Look at the facts, take an intermediate decision and talk about it with colleagues”.  Just as you have been taught, the client makes the running with your low key prompting and guidance.   

If you change the emphasis however to “How do you feel about this issue yourself?” and “How do you expect your colleagues to react?” the focus is not about doing but much more about feeling the emotion first.

The reaction to the questions above could be “I don’t know, I just know I have to make these decisions” and about colleagues “I have no idea and I would never ask”

Intimating that once the decision has been made, it is past on to others to carry out, more or less without discussion.

It has long been recognised that emotions can and will run out of control and despite all efforts cloud judgement. This inevitably will create a working environment that is difficult for all concerned.

Whenever and however a decision is made it has to be for the good of the whole, not just for financial gain or personal power, though for many people in business money and power are the driving forces.  Coaches may find that the client is unwilling or unable to think this way; after many years of traditional business management and practice, copying the predecessor’s methods and not taking a stand or arriving at a conclusion that has been generated with careful and independent thought, the very idea of changing their attitude to work can be daunting.

This is where I would use EFT to help to remove the anxiety and stress that making decisions can provoke. The ideal goal for both client and coach is to find sympathetic common ground; that way the final outcome has been considered on emotional as well as practical grounds before it gets to the final airing.

How you do this, the attitude and the way you deliver coaching is all about feelings on your part as well. How you relate to and love that person has fundamental implications to the outcome. If you love the person you are dealing with, your attitude becomes caring, with little if any effort on your part. By love I don’t mean romantic love or lust and passion love, just knowing that you are both part of a bigger love where aggression, envy, one-up-manship and malice have no part.

Even thinking this way will enable your coaching to become easier for both parties and then …..There is laughter! This is not just sharing a joke; it’s about seeing humour in everyday life. You will raise a snigger, if not a belly laugh, when you ask a young and thrusting executive or even an older man who may be set in his ways, to tap on his face during the EFT work. Always raises a giggle in me anyway!

Most clients will give it a try, for a start they may have hired you from recommendation and they would like to know what you have to offer, therefore in most cases are happy to do what you ask. When they feel the difference they will be hooked. There are times when a client’s face has totally changed in less than an hour, the strain has just disappeared.

If in any doubt at all, see each task and goal as a challenge to you, the coach and as well as the client; try this one.

Get the client to draw a picture of the final outcome. This uses both parts of the brain and can help to make the fundamental shift in consciousness that finding the solutions will undoubtedly entail.

See the picture as a cartoon; there is no for artistic talent here, but just an impression of what the client wants or thinks he wants. In business coaching, clients may not find this easy so you could help by suggesting how to visualise the outcome as if in a dream and then capturing the essence in a few lines.  

Once drawn, there is something tangible on which you both can comment and maybe even reconstruct. This strategy works well with a client who is very reluctant to think ahead or unable to take any positive action.

As you will be aware most clients present us with the negative; that is why they need a coach!! So our job is to change their perceptions and reframe the thinking to positive. If you have ever done any courses in  NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) you will understand this concept, if you have  not then just think about changing the negative thoughts, illusions and words to the positive. The first one I ever learned was never say ‘difficult’; that is too negative. If you reframe that to ‘not easy’ you make the word easy foremost therefore, it is no longer difficult.

In order to change perceptions try the following technique. You will have already understood where your client has preconceived ideas about staff and colleagues. These can be as blatant as just plain bigotry and as hard to admit as prejudice against fat, spotty or old people.

Get the client to make fun of his (her) colleagues. They are aware that everything is confidential, (just reinforce that one again before you go any further)….Then give the client permission to let rip! You will not be surprised at what transpires but the client will be….that’s the point. Make sure that this is as light hearted as you can and change any dark stuff that may come up to fun. Once said and out in the open, the comments will lose their power and the client will know how ridiculous he sounds. Whilst doing this just change the words and phrases to positive ones.

For instance the client may say “I can’t get on with that fat bloke in accounts, his bum spills out over the chair” and laugh. You, laughing with him, would reframe this back to him by saying “Oh I know, you mean that funny guy doing a great job in credit control” OK, maybe a little trite but I am sure you get my meaning….!

Getting a change in anyone is the challenge to all coaches. People will resist change to the bitter end if they can. They are aware that change is what is needed, but will fight against it. We all do. That is what we do.

Help people to laugh at themselves, in the face of adversity and hard times; make fun of the way a client responds until he sees that life is for living and the real truth is that we do our best then….well, we all die at sometime!

Have fun.

Diane Holliday