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Guest post by: Di Holliday Become an Author

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Conflict and life seems to go hand in hand for some people and in certain cases it is all they appear to have. It's almost like they attract it! I am sure we have all felt aggrieved, slighted and genuinely upset by comments or the actions of others. How come a mere disagreement or tiff can escalate into conflict? It happens, it happens often and in some ways we even get used to it, it becomes a minor irritation and a fact of life. For instance, conflict at work has become a major epidemic; so many people are bullied, browbeaten, ignored, past over or mistreated in one way or another.

For people like me; coaches, counsellors and mentors, we see the effect that has on our clients; it makes them tense and stressed in some cases physically ill. Below I quote from a current case study where the use of EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) helps her to get over the emotional pain.

I have been reflecting on a recent session with a lovely young lady who is having difficulties at work and realised that she was becoming ill. Not unusual as it happens; so many women in the work place are overlooked and unappreciated and as a result, succumb to various forms of sickness. The glass ceiling is not the only issue, in some cases just getting on with the job is not easy.

My client has been working full-time for many years for the same company, including the years since she had a child, yet she is considered to be a 'part timer' by the men in company. She works more hours than her contract demands but chooses not to be in the office on a Friday as she doesn't have child care for that day and works from home. There have been times when meetings are scheduled late in the day, so women with family commitments have to go home and miss them, my client being one of them. They are being sidelined in this very masculine world.

In this woman's case, she is also aware that she is paid less than her male counterparts in the business and when pushed on how she felt about this, she just shrugged her shoulders and sighed "What can you do, I don't want to risk losing the job, I really like what I do and put everything into the business"

We tapped for her feelings of rejection and being ignored and then, on locating the place in the body where the emotional pain resided - in this case her upper chest, for her lack of voice. She was not being heard and this created the huge amount of turmoil and anxiety in her life.

After a few rounds of tapping with EFT she noticed a distinct change in herself. She felt more confident and understood that she was not allowing this work pressure to make her ill. Now she could stop it right there. She is in charge of her thoughts, no one else.

We formulated a plan that would increase her self-confidence and make it easy for her to address the pay issue with her boss. She also realised that she was not working part-time and would make it very clear to the men around her. It's all about respect; if you are unable to respect yourself how can you expect others to respect you?

She is an amazing multi tasking, hard-working woman, who has now refused to allow her work to make her ill. She has greater self-respect, she sees herself in a new light and will not be walked on or disregarded again. EFT has given her a voice again.

Our working life is part of who we are and to remain happy we need to understand that how we are BEING is just as important as what we are DOING.

This conflict was sufficient but passive enough to have made her seek outside assistance. Not all conflict at work is this restrained or this easy to resolve.

Conflict can be dealt with in three stages; one understand the situation, two provide mediation and three strive for resolution. The understanding of the situation part is most difficult as hearing all sides of the conflict can throw up more than the original issue.

Conflict not only disrupts our work and our relationships with colleagues but also has an impact into our home life and personal relationships. Dwelling on unpleasantness at work is inevitable and this can make a person upset, stressed and difficult to live with.

It is usually the little things that start a conflict at work; who is supposed to do the filing, who spends too long at the drinks station, who is always late for meetings.......it goes on.

Then there are the big issues; promotion, pay and perceived favouritism. How much 'crawling' do you have to do to keep your position and/or save face with colleagues?

Our working life takes up a huge amount of our time and energy so it's a good idea to make the best of it. To avoid conflict, first respect others; their beliefs and values, remember they have pressures that you do not know about. Second, refuse to talk about colleagues behind their backs, stop spreading the 'dirt' and you will gain respect. Third, do your job to the very best of your abilities and fourth, don't whine and whinge....say what you mean to say, after due consideration and be proud that you can rise above the ordinary.

More respect; self respect and respect for others and ...guess what...much less conflict!

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