Concepts in Mentoring Communication

Concepts in Mentoring Communication [#7 in a series of 9 articles]

Series compiled by leading business-mentor, Michael Donovan –iMentor-pro

Aspects of human communication - Everything we do is Communication - The way the message is delivered affects the way the message is received - The real communication is the message received not the message intended - The way we begin our message often determines the outcome - Communication is two-way - give & get - Communication occurs between people - not something we do to people 1. It is not what the message does to the listener; it is what the listener does with the message that determines our success as a communicator.

2. Listeners generally interpret messages in ways, which make them feel comfortable and secure with the information.

3. When people’s attitudes are attacked full on, they are likely to defend those attitudes and, in the process, they reinforce them.

4. People pay most attention to messages which are relevant to their own circumstances and point of view.

5. People who feel insecure in a job (or a new task) or a relationship are unlikely to be good listeners.

6. People are more likely to listen to us if they perceive that we listen to them.

7. People are more likely to change in response to a combination of new experience and communication rather than just to communication alone.

8. People are more likely to support change that effects them if they are consulted before the change is made.

9. The message or underlying communication in what is said will be interpreted in the light of how, when, where and by whom, it was said.

10. Lack of self-knowledge and an unwillingness to resolve our own internal conflicts make it much harder for us to communicate with other people.

Look for common ground The goal of communication is to connect with another person. To do so means that you must know where that person is and where they're coming from. Consider the 3-1/2 year-old boy eating an apple in the back seat of the car when he asked, "Daddy, why is my apple turning brown?" "Because," his dad explained, "after you ate the skin off, the meat of the apple came into contact with the air, which caused it to oxidize, thus changing its molecular structure and turning it into a different colour." There was a long silence. Then the boy asked softly, "Daddy, are you talking to me?" Accept the fact that everybody has his or her own agenda and there is little you can do to change it. Talk to them on their own level and watch the effectiveness of your conversation skyrocket.

Really listen Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Get rid of the personal filters, assumptions, judgments and beliefs that colour what you hear and the way you hear it. Concentrate totally on what the other person is saying verbally, physically and emotionally.

Avoid distractions To really hear what the other person is saying takes discipline. Avoid interrupting. Let the other person finish their thought. Don't finish their sentences or put words in their mouth. Be patient and show genuine respect for them. Avoid the temptation to give unwanted advice. That can be perceived as patronizing and will stifle the flow of conversation. There will be a time to share your perspective. Just remember that people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

Clarify There are numerous ways to tactfully keep the conversation moving. Reframe the speaker's content to ensure you heard what you thought you heard. Don't assume anything. Ask broad, open-ended questions that will elicit more information and engage both of you more fully. Be sincere. Ask questions that get to the bottom of someone's real concern or agenda.

Maintain credibility Be sincere in your dialogue. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Be open, honest and candid. If you don't know the answer, say so. If you say you're going to do something, do it. Let your actions support your words. In other words, under promise and over deliver. What you do shouts in other people's ears much louder than what you say.

Stay cool In the face of what might be perceived as a personal attack, remain calm and collected. Don't take such assaults personally. The other person's mood or response is more likely about fear or frustration than it is about you as an individual. Don't respond in kind, but try to drill down to the root of the problem and address it.

Align your actions with your words It's not just what you say but how you say it. Studies show that what you say (your words) accounts for only 7% of what others perceive of you. The balance—93%—stems from body language, facial expression, and voice tone. Recognize the nonverbal barriers to effective communication, and make sure the tone of your voice, your posture, your gestures and your movements support your words.

Basic behaviours of Great Communicators 1. They are Interested and interesting 2. They relate experiences as stories 3. They connect with their body language 4. Firm, open handshake – not a crusher 5. They look you in the eye and use deep-sight to link to you 6. They are confident but not arrogant 7. They give compliments and link these to the subject matter 8. They repeat what you said and extend it by questioning 9. They and encourage strong relationships The content of ideas, concepts and experiences that make up this series of nine articles have been contributed from a number of sources and authors. Assembly by leading business-mentor, Michael Donovan, Managing Director, iMentor-pro 1300 720 190



Concepts in Mentoring Communication - To learn more about this author, visit Michael Donovan's Website.

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