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Who wants to Mentor anyway

Written by: Michael Donovan

Article Overview: Well not everyone. It takes time, patience and a real willingness to be challenging without dominating, doing the mentees job by proxy or creating dependence. Not all of us are teachers. If we can't listen well, we cannot be a good mentors either. How do you measure up?

Who wants to Mentor anyway

Who wants to Mentor anyway?
[#5 in a series of 9 articles]

Series compiled by leading business-mentor, Michael Donovan –iMentor-pro

Being able to exchange learning, knowledge and experiences is like joke or storytelling. Some people are better than others, some are just not suited to it. Know your limits. The diagram above illustrates the four key elements you must be able to deliver in order to engage as a mentor.

You must be able to relate to the mentee. Is there chemistry? Do you click? Can you sustain the depth of relationship needed to pull you both through the process? Be brave, if you cannot and say so.

Managing the process doesn’t mean you run everything. It means guiding at a rate that your mentee can also sustain, being patient, excusing error and being the leader that was chosen for this mentoring relationship.

Your role is to facilitate learning. Understand that this often means asking many more questions to discover, reveal or guide thinking. Certainly not directing or pushing. Mentees have to work hard to drive the process with you. The transitional approach (explained elsewhere in this handbook) sets you up as the initial guide but then expects you to stand aside and allow the mentee to subsume the guiding role. This is how a good facilitator also crafts their function.

Be prepared to be your mentees advocate. There are more notes on this role (along with being a champion) but put simply if your mentee shapes up, then you are obliged to find opportunity for them, pave the way and prepare them to undertake the challenge. If you cannot, your role as mentor is weakened.

Leadership and Motivation
Before you can lead others effectively through mentoring . . . you must first be able to lead yourself.
The need for self leadership

Research points to six 'universally accepted' attributes of an admired leader - the kind of person that people truly want to work for:
1. Vision. The leader must have a clear and compelling vision of the future.
2. Integrity. A leader must have explicit values - and live them in both word and deed.
3. Inspiring. Through excellent communications on all levels, the leader must help others to share in the vision and believe it to be worthy of their time and maximum efforts.
4. Belief in people. The leader must have a fundamental and strong belief in the value and potential of every person that works with them and demonstrates that through trust.
5. Competency. The leader does not have to know how to do everyone's job - but they must do theirs very well. Hand-in-hand with competency goes a personal commitment to lifelong learning - continuous personal improvement.
6. Attitude. Attitude is highly contagious. The leader sets the tone for all they come in contact with. An optimistic, yet realistic, 'can-do' attitude is a must.
There is nothing revolutionary here. These are solid, time-tested leadership characteristics that most workers agree with readily. And when this list is shown to people, they invariably indicate that they would love to work for a leader that maintains these qualities. However, when asked if they currently do, the answer is usually 'no'.

Leaders by example

Why? It's the difference between intellectualising these traits, and internalising them. Anyone can read a book or attend a class and learn this list. They can discuss, analyse, memorise and theorise about leadership. But it's one thing to know and understand these attributes - and quite another to live them.

To be a leader that possesses these qualities is a life-changing commitment. It means that you must accept total responsibility for your actions, behaviours and attitudes. That you must hold yourself to a higher standard, that you must 'lead by example'. That is very demanding work indeed - and a task that far too few are willing to undertake.

Once again the question begs, why aren't people willing to work at becoming a good leader? The answers are as numerous as the poor leaders giving them.

Some of the answers include: 'I don't have enough time', or 'that may be what people say, but all they really want is more money', and 'I don't need all that stuff, either they do what I say, or they don't have a job'. Do these sound familiar?

Hard work required

The real reason is simply that they are unwilling to do the hard personal work necessary to obtain and maintain these traits. For, before you can effectively lead others, you must first be able to effectively lead yourself.

This is a very bitter pill to swallow for many - it means that the 'do as I say, not as I do' way of managing will no longer suffice. It demands that they undertake some serious self-examination, pushing for new levels of self-growth - toward becoming a strong self-leader.

It sounds rather simple, but to 'model the way' one must strive in earnest to be an exemplary model.

People look for guidance

Failing to recognise and respond to this leadership imperative can have far reaching implications within the organisation. Because people look to leaders for guidance and purpose, their eery action and work carries extra impact.

In fact, leaders project their attitudes and personality on to the people around them.

Therefore, if leaders lack a deep understanding of themselves - their values, beliefs, attitudes, goals and biases - they can unknowingly cast a dark shadow onto their enterprise, with chilling effects.

On the other hand, a healthy, mature and self-aware leader can unleash massive creativity, motivation and success from the people they lead. This is the responsibility and reward of leadership. Making a difference in people's lives, helping them to grow as professionals, people and citizens of the world.

Crucial Very Important

Clear Vision 70% 27%
Communication skills 69% 25%
Integrity 68% 23%
Ability to inspire 70% 22%
A strong set of values 70% 22%

Let’s now briefly look at the mentee who shouldn’t be a mentee. Yes, it happens. Hopefully, by the time you engage with any mentee, you have a pretty good idea that they genuinely want it and will work with dedication toward the chosen outcomes. Also, the corporation should have filters in place to weed out time wasters and talentless stock. But, what if you get a dud.

Along the continuum of mentoring, a good mentor will be consistently testing their mentee. Always challenge ill-informed assumptions, half-baked decisions, poor judgment and lazy thinking. For these are often signs of a fake mentee. Winging it is simply not good enough.

These people are in it because it is expected, not because they see benefits. It is a perk, not a challenge to improve and seek self-reflection. They chose the ‘best mentor’ as an ego trip and to impress, not because they saw opportunity to learn from a master.

They ask for or insist on the champion or advocacy role far too early because they are only out for the free lift up but not by earning it. They break appointments, blame others, tell tales and spread rumours. Your time and talent is worth more. Seek out and find an alternate likely candidate and invite them in.

The content of ideas, concepts and experiences that make up this series of nine articles have been contributed from a number of sources and authors. Assembly by leading business-mentor, Michael Donovan, Managing Director, iMentor-pro 1300 720 190

Related Articles
  Why Small Business Entrepreneurs Need a Mentor
  How To Effectively Use Business Mentoring
  How to Find the Best Mentor for Your Needs
  Business Mentoring Programs
  The Success of a Mentee Is a Mentor’s Ultimate Reward

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