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Are You Addicted to Fear?

Guest post by: Margaret Gill

Article Overview: Fear and ego are a formidable force and continue to provide rational reasons not to do things. Once addicted our fear and ego begins to dominate our destiny. Eventually we overuse fear to the point of addiction.

Are You Addicted to Fear?

I had a big aha moment last week when a well loved client had her inner wimp out tap dancing on the table.

As the wimp tapped loudly she made a lot of noise but was really only treading the same old boards out of habit.

I realised just like drugs, alcohol and anything else toxic that become a negative due to overuse, habits often cover fear. This creates a vicious circle because our egos love fear. Above all our ego hates change. This gives our ego a vested interest in keeping us dancing on the spot.

Fear and ego are a formidable force and continue to provide rational reasons not to do things.

Once addicted our fear and ego begins to dominate our destiny.

Eventually we overuse fear to the point of addiction.

Not such a bad thing if the behaviour we get addicted to is positive because initially that at least creates forward movement. But when the behaviour is negative it results in a downward spiral.

Unless we create some sort of intervention program, the problem only becomes worse.

You know you are addicted to fear if you:

* Are not moving forward

* Under charging

* Over giving

* Feeling frustrated that things aren’t working out for you

* Know your actions (or lack of them) are limiting your potential

* Start believing the excuses you create to cover your actions or inactions

* Listen to your negative voice instead of ignoring it

* Have a great message or service that isn’t getting to enough people

FEAR is the root cause of all these points and this is the short list. There are a thousand things we are addicted to that hold us back.

However I believe the fear list can be distilled down to seven core items

1. Fear of failure

2. Fear of success

3. Fear of being judged

4. Fear of getting out of your comfort zone.

5. Fear of not being good enough

6. Fear of getting the things you actually want

7. Fear of your own greatness and light

All these fears are driven by internal voices that frankly just churn out a bunch of lies about you 24/7.

Call the voices whatever you like – the monkey voice - inner wimp – inner vandal – inner critic – inner “holding you back from being who you really are” hooligan ……. there are a thousand “inners” who stop us in our tracks.

After a while though the voices become comfortable friends that give us an excuse for not accomplishing all the things we want to do. Once that happens, your fear is now an addiction.

Addiction comes in many forms and there are many theories, including 12 step programs that assist people to break through their addiction.

I know for myself I attended a Debtors Anonymous meeting and experienced the full hit of facing myself head on in a 12 Step program. As I spoke the words “I’m Margaret and I have a problem with debt”…..and heard the response back “Hi Margaret” …. I knew I had gone too far.

My problem came because I set out on a crazy journey of self discovery, following a dream that was probably best left in the “do with more resources” pile. I didn’t start out with the right knowledge to go from a salary earner to someone who had to sell themselves to make a living. By the time I got the right knowledge I was way out of control and was addicted to maxing out credit cards.

I knew that I had to overcome the addiction because it was holding me back.

My first step was to recognise I had a problem and then I had to look at the root cause because the debt was only a symptom. The real truth of the problem was that I was addicted to expensive personal development workshops. I kept going to them to get validation and they kept selling me another course. I had found the source of the problem. An out of control positive habit and the fear of not being good enough.

The hard core reality check that meeting gave me sent me cold turkey and made me accept I had just been repeating my old “not good enough” inner talk. Once I got that I understood I could at least stop the debt growing by accepting that I didn’t need others to tell me I was worthy of personal and business success.

It was time to set up my own courses and start teaching and silence that vicious inner wimp that was keeping me from helping others.

Now if I attend a course I ask three golden questions:

1. Is this educating a weakness or a strength?

2. Will I come out with a tangible skill

3. Are my guts churning? If they are, I know I’m facing a fear.

If not, then I have probably learnt the information already and haven’t been brave enough to put the knowledge into action, or my ego is keeping me in line.

Either way I take an action that will pull me into discomfort because I know that’s where the growth is. I have found facing fear in this manner and walking straight through it clears the fear. But you have to keep facing your fear long term.

Good learning will make your guts churn because it puts you outside your comfort zone where you don’t know the answers. It will also place you with people who challenge and inspire you, not people who are churning out what you want to hear and making you feel all warm and fuzzy.

I was told at one of those fancy PD events, “Margaret once isn’t good enough - you need to climb a mountain of fear every day”. I had just exhausted myself overcoming the very real fear of climbing a very real mountain in a snow storm where at one point slipping on the ice and falling to your death down a ravine was a very real possibility.

There will always be another mountain of fear and that day I got to the top by taking one small step at a time. I knew if I stopped I would give up. I didn’t take breaks with the others I just kept going. I’ve found taking action certainly helps keep the wimp in line and the mountain climbable. Even in a snow storm I eventually blitzed my fear and the ego that said I couldn’t do it.

Once you walk through a fear you realise there is nothing on the other side but opportunity. Is there a fear you are avoiding that is causing a block in your life?

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Article Tags: addiction, ego, fear, rational reasons



Related Forum Posts
Re: Fear of Success - You don't need to fear success. We should embrace it. Fear is define by a man of God as False Evidence Appearing Real. the meaning is what we fear most does'nt come to pass
Other Great Books... - Feel The Fear And Do It AnyWay - Susan Jeffers How To Stop Worrying And Do It Anyway - Dale Carnegie ('What's the worst that could happen - the worst?' Then prepare yourself for that and reality is such a relief!).
Re: What I'm reading this weekend - Oct 8, 2010 - these are great! In particular, I liked "you’re already perfect" and "Smashing through the Black Wall of Fear." That's exciting that there is a new 4-hour book out. I really enjoyed "The 4 hour Workweek."
Re: Franchises in Texas... - [quote="RussellWebb":1kwhwvtt]Hi GT - I'm just fed up with the hand wringing fear-mongers. Yes, let's all do our share to reduce our impact on the global warming issues, yet at the same time we need to hear both sides of the story... then make educated decisions.[/quote:1kwhwvtt] Hi Russell, But don't you think society would fall apart without "fear" acting as a control? Fear is what keeps people in check (e.g. if you commit a crime you go to jail or even get shot by the authorities in some countries).
What keeps you from just doing it? - I think many people have limiting beliefs that keep them from following through on their ideas. Fear is certainly a factor, but even more limiting is the belief that it's too good to be true. Many people don't believe it is as simple as they dream it could be. And yet, some people have done exactly that and made millions. Our world has taught us that you have to work really hard to get money and that it's only for a few. What belief do YOU have about money? Is it keeping you from taking that leap on following through with a great business idea? I used to check in with money possibilities before I made a decision. Now I decide what I want to do and then figure out how to use money as a partner to get what I want. It's so freeing to not make decisions based around money fears... even if the funds aren't even there to follow through with it yet. I feel like I've finally stumbled on a secret. I'm not a millionaire yet, but I can tell you things are certainly going in a positive direction! What's your experience? What keeps you from just following through on your entrepreneurial idea?


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