Anger Management
Anger Management
1. Keep your attention on the motivation behind the provocation. Is the person who's enraging you doing it intentionally, or is it a by-product of words or behavior that he likely thinks perfectly appropriate? If it's the former, don't give him the satisfaction of knowing he succeeded. If it's the latter, consider whether displaying annoyance would stop the behavior or simply let your opponent know that he's found a soft spot.
2. Breathe. This is great advice for just about any situation, but it's especially good for dealing with anger. You can react,, which implies knee-jerk emotional feedback made without any reflection, or you can respond, which implies feedback that follows a pause and analysis/reflection to determine the best way to address the provocation. It's far better to respond than to react. There's no reason why you can't fall silent for a few seconds (which may feel interminable to you and your opponent) while you work through your options.
3. Speak softly. Most of us tend to raise our voices when we speak in anger. Therefore, it's disarming to do the opposite and to speak more quietly. The effect is to appear reasonable and controlled (especially helpful if your opponent is ranting and raving and appearing to be out of control) and to force your opponent to listen carefully to hear what you have to say. In Japanese culture, when two parties are arguing, the one who raises her voice first loses. It's a difficult tactic for many of us to master, but if you can speak softly in the face of provocation, you will stand a much better chance of controlling your anger.
4. Vent. Express your anger in some forum that poses no risk of exposing it. Writing can be helpful, but especially if you write an angry response to an email, be sure that you don't accidentally send it!
5. Exercise. That's physical venting. When feasible, it's a great idea to get up and take a walk instead of marinating in a situation that makes you angry.
6. Selective release of anger. Sometimes, it's absolutely appropriate to express your anger at the person whose behavior has caused it. But consider the consequences of such an expression. Will you disrupt a relationship? Do you stand to lose ground? Will your expressed anger cause the person to react in a way that will cause you even more trouble? And when you do choose to display anger, consider doing so through your words only but continuing to speak in a low, even tone of voice. That will reinforce the gravity of your words.
And, despite our best efforts at these tactics, sometimes we all lose our tempers. Especially in time of frustration and stress, it's easy to let it slip. When that happens, don't be afraid to apologize and admit to being human.
Anger Management - To learn more about this author, visit Julie Fleming-Brown's Website.
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We're often faced with statements, actions, arguments, behavior, etc. that is galling in the extreme. Whether it's road rage, an annoying co-worker, or a whiny teenager, it's an unfortunate but safe bet that you'll feel angry several times a week. So how can you handle it when faced with provocation that would make the Buddha quiver with rage?
1. Keep your attention on the motivation behind the provocation. Is the person who's enraging you doing it intentionally, or is it a by-product of words or behavior that he likely thinks perfectly appropriate? If it's the former, don't give him the satisfaction of knowing he succeeded. If it's the latter, consider whether displaying annoyance would stop the behavior or simply let your opponent know that he's found a soft spot.
2. Breathe. This is great advice for just about any situation, but it's especially good for dealing with anger. You can react,, which implies knee-jerk emotional feedback made without any reflection, or you can respond, which implies feedback that follows a pause and analysis/reflection to determine the best way to address the provocation. It's far better to respond than to react. There's no reason why you can't fall silent for a few seconds (which may feel interminable to you and your opponent) while you work through your options.
3. Speak softly. Most of us tend to raise our voices when we speak in anger. Therefore, it's disarming to do the opposite and to speak more quietly. The effect is to appear reasonable and controlled (especially helpful if your opponent is ranting and raving and appearing to be out of control) and to force your opponent to listen carefully to hear what you have to say. In Japanese culture, when two parties are arguing, the one who raises her voice first loses. It's a difficult tactic for many of us to master, but if you can speak softly in the face of provocation, you will stand a much better chance of controlling your anger.
4. Vent. Express your anger in some forum that poses no risk of exposing it. Writing can be helpful, but especially if you write an angry response to an email, be sure that you don't accidentally send it!
5. Exercise. That's physical venting. When feasible, it's a great idea to get up and take a walk instead of marinating in a situation that makes you angry.
6. Selective release of anger. Sometimes, it's absolutely appropriate to express your anger at the person whose behavior has caused it. But consider the consequences of such an expression. Will you disrupt a relationship? Do you stand to lose ground? Will your expressed anger cause the person to react in a way that will cause you even more trouble? And when you do choose to display anger, consider doing so through your words only but continuing to speak in a low, even tone of voice. That will reinforce the gravity of your words.
And, despite our best efforts at these tactics, sometimes we all lose our tempers. Especially in time of frustration and stress, it's easy to let it slip. When that happens, don't be afraid to apologize and admit to being human.
Anger Management - To learn more about this author, visit Julie Fleming-Brown's Website.
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David AchesonDavid Acheson is the founder of DCJA Consultancy. DCJA Consultancy is a management consultancy business specialising in B2B sales consultancy. They offer bespoke and packaged sales consultancy including Sales Optimisation Review, Interim Sales Management, Sales & Marketing Review, 1:1 Sales & Management Staff Analysis, Management Training, Solution Sales Training, Creation of New Pay Plan, KPI's, run Customer Feedback Campaigns, assist with Recruitment, Coaching, Appraisals and set up Strategic Marketing Campaigns. David spent his early career in accountancy and then moved into sales in 1982, working in Office Equipment, IT, Advertising, Training, Outsourcing and Consultancy. He has held many Senior Positions in SMBs and Global Organisations including Head of Sales Operations & Head of Business Development. His knowledge, skills and great experience of the Sales Industry has led to David making keynote speeches and running educational sessions to key businesses through organisations including The Chamber of Commerce and Business Link. - Visit David Acheson's Website |
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Dave KurlanDave Kurlan is the founder and CEO of Objective Management Group, Inc., the industry leader in sales assessments and sales force evaluations, and the CEO of David Kurlan & Associates, Inc., a consulting firm specializing in sales force development. Dave has been a top rated speaker at Inc. Magazine's Conference on Growing the Company, the Sales & Marketing Management Conference and the Gazelles Sales & Marketing Summit. He has been featured on radio and TV, including World Business Review with General Norman Schwarzkopf, in Inc. Magazine, Selling Power Magazine, Sales & Marketing Management Magazine and Incentive Magazine. He is the author of Mindless Selling and Baseline Selling – How to Become a Sales Superstar by Using What You Already Know about the Game of Baseball. He created and wrote STAR, a proprietary recruiting process for hiring great salespeople, and he writes Understanding the Sales Force, a popular business Blog and is a contributing author to The Death of 20th Century Selling and 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life, Volume 2. - Visit Dave Kurlan's Website |
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Linda RichardsonLinda Richardson is the Founder and Executive Chairwoman of Richardson, a global sales training and performance improvement company. As a recognized leader in the industry, she has won the coveted Stevie Award for Lifetime Achievement in Sales Excellence and she was identified by Training Industry, Inc. as one of the “Top 20 Most Influential Training Professionals.” Ms. Richardson is credited with the movement to Consultative Selling and is the author of ten books on selling and sales management, including Sales Coaching — Making the Great Leap from Sales Manager to Sales Coach, and Stop Telling, Start Selling. She teaches sales and management at the Wharton Graduate School of the University of Pennsylvania and the Wharton Executive Development Center. Linda is a frequent speaker at industry and client conferences, has been published extensively in industry and training journals, and has been featured in numerous publications, including The Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Nation’s Business, Selling Power, Success, and The Conference Board Magazine. Learn more about Richardson's sales training and performance improvement solutions at http://www.richardson.com web - Visit Linda Richardson's Website |
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Stephanie RobeyStephanie Robey is President and CoFounder of Pivot Positive, LLC - an Internet marketing business focused on helping people start work at home ventures. Previously, she was employed at The Search Agency with over 20 years experience in graphic design and 10 years experience in online marketing. She was responsible for launching the Conversion Path Optimization (CPO) unit where she and her team have conducted hundreds of optimization tests for online companies across multiple verticals. She is a successful entrepreneur having started and sold 2 companies and remains on the board of directors of the third, PhotoSpin.com Stephanie began her career in the direct marketing realm creating and producing direct mail for many of the major cable television companies and directly attributes her understanding of Internet marketing to those early offline experiences. Stephanie is a graduate of San Diego State University with a BFA in Graphic Arts and also holds an Executive MBA from the Graziadio School of Business and Management at Pepperdine University. Read Steph's Blog Meet Steph and Dave Sign up for our Free 7-Day BootCamp: Self Employed & Rich - Visit Stephanie Robey's Website |
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