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Conflict, Politics and Back-stabbing, in and out of Meetings

Guest post by: Jacque Small

Article Overview: • Do you have conflict in your meetings? • Are there people in your workplace who are in conflict? • Are there people in your workplace who back-stab or undermine each other? • Is this all being done in the name of politics? In this article we will explore a common situation in many organizations and how your behaviour in and out of meetings can be used to solve this problem.

Conflict, Politics and Back-stabbing, in and out of Meetings

• Do you have conflict in your meetings?

• Are there people in your workplace who are in conflict?

• Are there people in your workplace who back-stab or undermine each other?

• Is this all being done in the name of politics?

In this article we will explore a common situation in many organizations and how your behaviour in and out of meetings can be used to solve this problem.

Politics

For our purposes let's define politics as the act of being committed to and going for a goal. The potential for conflict arises when people have different goals they are going for, such as:

• they have a different vision and strategy for where the company or group should be headed

• they have different goals that compete for the same resources

• People are competing for promotions, money and recognition within or outside of the organization.

Having diverse viewpoints is only natural, so why does "politics" get labelled as bad? This stems predominantly from the level of attachment to perspectives or agendas and because many of us are poor communicators. Those who have dominating personality styles tend to communicate their ideas forcefully and those who are more reserved sit back and listen and share their points of view quietly.

Problems typically arise when there are a couple of dominant people in a meeting with opposing goals and they are emotionally charged. Add some poor communication skills like not really hearing what the other person has to say and speaking before others have finished speaking. You probably have other examples to add. We see and hear the behaviour of the speakers, but we don't know what emotional buttons are being pushed on the inside, in both the dominant speakers and the more reserved people. We now have conflict in the room.

Effective Meetings

Our speakers in this example are exhibiting the behaviours of points #5 and #10 from the Effective Meeting Survey.

• #5 One or two members dominate the meeting.

• #10 People start to disagree with others before they really understand what's being said.

At this point there are likely a whole variety of emotional reactions taking place. The speakers may have become frustrated and angry in their heated debate. If they are passionate about their opposing goals they are likely trying to force an outcome and are ignoring each other's perspectives. Others in the room may be feeling anxiety with the tone of the conversation, which causes them to shut down and withhold their perspectives for fear of being rejected. It is safer not to enter into the turmoil and to keep quiet. The meeting continues and often no clear outcome is achieved. At best the topic is tabled for further research and discussion.

Back-stabbing

This sets up a ripe field for the negative aspects of the "politics" and can be seen from the following points in the meeting effectiveness survey:

• #11 Following meetings, there are post-mortems behind closed doors about what really went on.

• #18 There is seldom any checking to see whether the group has gone off track, or if the meeting is an effective use of time.

Let's consider for a moment what the range of emotions might be among the group. One of the speakers might be feeling some triumph and eagerness, others frustration and exasperation and still others relief that the uneasiness and tension within the meeting is over.

Where is the post-mortem of the meeting held? The meeting review is conducted in the hallways, the bathroom and at coffee. This is where the real conversation takes place. This is where opponents start to line up their supporters for the next round and say less than impeccable things about the other speaker and their goal. This can spiral into a contagious negative environment that no one really wants to be a part of, but can't figure out why it exists. As stated in a recent comment I came across; "There are days when I hear my friends' stories of corporate politics and back-stabbing.... I wonder... why do people have to play that way?"

There are a couple of ways to change the game. They include improving the meeting structure and changing your personal game.

Improving the Meeting Structure

• Is there a clear objective for the meeting?

• As the chair could you manage the communication in the room more effectively?

• At the end of every meeting do a meeting check in to find out what went well and what could be improved.

• Everyone speak your truth.

Shifting who you are Being

You can check my blog post to see who I was being 10 years ago when I worked in the corporate environment and got hooked by my Ego. What would you like to share about yourself or your workplace? Add your comments.

I didn't have the relationships I wanted nor was I getting the results that I wanted so I decided to change. First I learned how to manage myself differently, in the corporate world this is referred to as emotional intelligence, second I removed many of my emotional hot buttons.

Things that I learned to manage were:

• To be quiet and listen to other people's ideas completely before speaking

• To ask questions about someone's idea to gain further insight

• To not speak when I am emotionally upset

• To be impeccable, when someone is gossiping about another, to decline to listen to the conversation

• To be impeccable, only speak positively about others.

This is a constant practice for me, because my ego has been very well conditioned to "being right."

Buttons that I have been removing:

• The need to be right

• Ignoring other people's perspectives

• Fear of not being accepted

• Being judgemental of others

With these emotional hot buttons removed there has been a lot less to constantly manage, for which I am grateful.

Changing the negative aspects of politics in the work place comes down to being willing to be someone who communicates effectively and willing to be impeccable by not speaking negatively or listening to others who speak negatively.

Wishing you a healthy back,

Jacque

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Article Tags: conflict, effective communication, effective meetings, meetings



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