Play Catch with Communication
Play Catch with Communication
• Communication
• Attitude
• Flexibility
• Opportunity to Learn
• Fun
This series of five articles will focus on each of the five areas from the dialogue session.
Let’s begin with communication. Communication, in particular interpersonal communication, is the foundation for creating excellent organizations and great places to work.
Although each of us believes we know how to communicate, what we often do is a lot of thinking and talking and not enough listening.
What gets in the way?
Our conscious mind is extremely active and would prefer to have its point of view heard rather than another person’s. So, while I am having a conversation with you and theoretically listening to what you are saying, what I am really doing is thinking about what I will say next. As soon as I start thinking, I am no longer listening.
Then, the next step in our conversation is to show you how brilliant I am by telling you how to do what it is we are talking about.
A prospective client said to me the other day, “My people are not self-starters.” I asked him how well he listened to his staff. Does he tell his people what to do and how to do it? Or, do they come up with new ideas? When they have an idea, does he proceed to tell them how to implement the idea?
This scenario – a manager always telling people what to do and when – is when employees disengage. They believe you are not listening and that their opinion does not count. What happened? Your mind hijacked you when it identified a gap in the other person’s story. Then it barged in at the first opportunity. When neither person is listening, this process goes back and forth with little prospect of mutual understanding.
What is the alternative? Real communication.
Communication is like playing catch with a baseball. You throw the ball—an idea— to the other person and they catch it. They contemplate the thought, take the ball out of their glove and throw it back to you. The other person must catch your thought to have a complete communication cycle. Most conversations drop a lot of baseballs and hence, it is an incomplete communication cycle.
Tips for Listening
1. Make eye contact and hold it for the conversation
2. Be present—listen for the other person’s main point
3. Ask a question–clarify your understanding of the main point
The second step to master interpersonal communication is how well you ask powerful questions. Powerful questions prompt others to think.
Remember earlier when my mind wanted to show you its brilliance and I moved into telling. Instead, this time I become curious about why you think the way you do. To explore your thinking, I ask a question that begins with “What” or “How.”
How do I know it’s a powerful question? You will pause to think before you answer. And you may reply, “That’s a good question” or “That is a tough question.” When people have to think before answering, they explore their line of reasoning and learning occurs.
This is when a person feels heard.
They feel empowered to think and learn. They feel supported. They feel like I care and I have helped them to build their confidence.
Tips for Asking Questions:
1. Be curious
2. Listen
3. Ask “What” and “How” questions
No one in my ten years of corporate work or nine years of post-graduate education taught me how to communicate. It was only when I completed my coaching certification and started to practise asking questions that I increased my ability to communicate and close the communication cycle. Trust me—it is never too late to improve your communication skills. If you want to, you can.
Let’s play catch;
Jacque
Play Catch with Communication - To learn more about this author, visit Jacque Small's Website.
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An associate and I facilitated a dialogue session for the Delta Chamber of Commerce on the attraction and retention of employees in the workplace. The dialogue session uncovered five areas that influence employees in the workplace. They are:
• Communication
• Attitude
• Flexibility
• Opportunity to Learn
• Fun
This series of five articles will focus on each of the five areas from the dialogue session.
Let’s begin with communication. Communication, in particular interpersonal communication, is the foundation for creating excellent organizations and great places to work.
Although each of us believes we know how to communicate, what we often do is a lot of thinking and talking and not enough listening.
What gets in the way?
Our conscious mind is extremely active and would prefer to have its point of view heard rather than another person’s. So, while I am having a conversation with you and theoretically listening to what you are saying, what I am really doing is thinking about what I will say next. As soon as I start thinking, I am no longer listening.
Then, the next step in our conversation is to show you how brilliant I am by telling you how to do what it is we are talking about.
A prospective client said to me the other day, “My people are not self-starters.” I asked him how well he listened to his staff. Does he tell his people what to do and how to do it? Or, do they come up with new ideas? When they have an idea, does he proceed to tell them how to implement the idea?
This scenario – a manager always telling people what to do and when – is when employees disengage. They believe you are not listening and that their opinion does not count. What happened? Your mind hijacked you when it identified a gap in the other person’s story. Then it barged in at the first opportunity. When neither person is listening, this process goes back and forth with little prospect of mutual understanding.
What is the alternative? Real communication.
Communication is like playing catch with a baseball. You throw the ball—an idea— to the other person and they catch it. They contemplate the thought, take the ball out of their glove and throw it back to you. The other person must catch your thought to have a complete communication cycle. Most conversations drop a lot of baseballs and hence, it is an incomplete communication cycle.
Tips for Listening
1. Make eye contact and hold it for the conversation
2. Be present—listen for the other person’s main point
3. Ask a question–clarify your understanding of the main point
The second step to master interpersonal communication is how well you ask powerful questions. Powerful questions prompt others to think.
Remember earlier when my mind wanted to show you its brilliance and I moved into telling. Instead, this time I become curious about why you think the way you do. To explore your thinking, I ask a question that begins with “What” or “How.”
How do I know it’s a powerful question? You will pause to think before you answer. And you may reply, “That’s a good question” or “That is a tough question.” When people have to think before answering, they explore their line of reasoning and learning occurs.
This is when a person feels heard.
They feel empowered to think and learn. They feel supported. They feel like I care and I have helped them to build their confidence.
Tips for Asking Questions:
1. Be curious
2. Listen
3. Ask “What” and “How” questions
No one in my ten years of corporate work or nine years of post-graduate education taught me how to communicate. It was only when I completed my coaching certification and started to practise asking questions that I increased my ability to communicate and close the communication cycle. Trust me—it is never too late to improve your communication skills. If you want to, you can.
Let’s play catch;
Jacque
Play Catch with Communication - To learn more about this author, visit Jacque Small's Website.
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