Control Your Attitude to Improve Your Communications
Control Your Attitude to Improve Your Communications
This is the season to be holly, jolly and happy, but unfortunately a few people out there have not received the message.
Yesterday I saw two guys almost get in a fist fight on the subway platform, until an undercover cop broke them up. The day before, during a big snow storm, I heard one driver yell to another to “watch out, or I will push you into the ditch!” Even though I was not directly involved in either of these cases, I was still struck with a reaction. Actually my reaction was immediately to shake my head and wonder why people would risk hurting themselves or innocent by-standers over something as trivial as their own ego and mis-placed sense of competitiveness.
Let me expand my thought process to you on this.
Do I have a healthy ego and strong sense of self? Yes, for sure. I am confident and can hold my own in any situation. Do I get annoyed or offended if someone does some kind of perceived injustice to me? Yeah, sort of, but not really.
“What kind of strange answer is that?” I hear you scream. It is my reaction to competitive behaviour, when I am not involved in a game or sport.
Winter storm driving is not a sport. Shopping is not a sport. Getting in line or queue for the subway train is not a sport. I think you get my point. Competition is for sports and games with rules to follow, to determine a winner. None of the above activities should apply.
I have built up a ‘filter’ so that when something happens to me or around me 99% of the time I do not over-react with emotion and ego, or with a competitive spirit. I do not see it as a contest of wills, of right and wrong, of winning and losing. I instead try my best to empathize with the other person or people, and I give them permission to be a flawed human, just like me. Through empathy I connect with them and calmly work at resolving the issue, one way or another.
Empathy is the key to communication. We must try to listen, read body language and see the issue from the other person’s perspective. We do not need to fight, or run away, or apologize, or get riled up with defensiveness. We instead should practice self-control and empathy first.
I know some of you understand exactly what I am saying, and I also know some of you are wondering what happy-pill I just took. The truth is (to me anyway) that attitude, self-confidence, self-control, conflict management skills and empathy are huge parts of better communication, and that is why we need to incorporate them. When we get emotional and defensive in attitude, we cannot think as clearly as when we maintain our composure, relate to the key emotions first, then problem-solve the situation to a satisfactory resolution.
On a personal note I would like to share something with you. 20 years of study and practice in martial arts here in Canada and abroad in Asia have taught me two important things. One: I can fight, and I will always be able to hold my own. Two: I hate to fight, and will do everything I can to avoid it.
Just because I can do something, does not mean that I should do that thing.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of you, wherever you are. Enjoy your family time and control your positive attitude, no matter what happens to you or around you.
That will serve you as a gift that keeps on giving, throughout your life, and also for others around you.
All the best,
Ric
Control Your Attitude to Improve Your Communications - To learn more about this author, visit Ric Phillips's Website.
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Hello everyone,
This is the season to be holly, jolly and happy, but unfortunately a few people out there have not received the message.
Yesterday I saw two guys almost get in a fist fight on the subway platform, until an undercover cop broke them up. The day before, during a big snow storm, I heard one driver yell to another to “watch out, or I will push you into the ditch!” Even though I was not directly involved in either of these cases, I was still struck with a reaction. Actually my reaction was immediately to shake my head and wonder why people would risk hurting themselves or innocent by-standers over something as trivial as their own ego and mis-placed sense of competitiveness.
Let me expand my thought process to you on this.
Do I have a healthy ego and strong sense of self? Yes, for sure. I am confident and can hold my own in any situation. Do I get annoyed or offended if someone does some kind of perceived injustice to me? Yeah, sort of, but not really.
“What kind of strange answer is that?” I hear you scream. It is my reaction to competitive behaviour, when I am not involved in a game or sport.
Winter storm driving is not a sport. Shopping is not a sport. Getting in line or queue for the subway train is not a sport. I think you get my point. Competition is for sports and games with rules to follow, to determine a winner. None of the above activities should apply.
I have built up a ‘filter’ so that when something happens to me or around me 99% of the time I do not over-react with emotion and ego, or with a competitive spirit. I do not see it as a contest of wills, of right and wrong, of winning and losing. I instead try my best to empathize with the other person or people, and I give them permission to be a flawed human, just like me. Through empathy I connect with them and calmly work at resolving the issue, one way or another.
Empathy is the key to communication. We must try to listen, read body language and see the issue from the other person’s perspective. We do not need to fight, or run away, or apologize, or get riled up with defensiveness. We instead should practice self-control and empathy first.
I know some of you understand exactly what I am saying, and I also know some of you are wondering what happy-pill I just took. The truth is (to me anyway) that attitude, self-confidence, self-control, conflict management skills and empathy are huge parts of better communication, and that is why we need to incorporate them. When we get emotional and defensive in attitude, we cannot think as clearly as when we maintain our composure, relate to the key emotions first, then problem-solve the situation to a satisfactory resolution.
On a personal note I would like to share something with you. 20 years of study and practice in martial arts here in Canada and abroad in Asia have taught me two important things. One: I can fight, and I will always be able to hold my own. Two: I hate to fight, and will do everything I can to avoid it.
Just because I can do something, does not mean that I should do that thing.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of you, wherever you are. Enjoy your family time and control your positive attitude, no matter what happens to you or around you.
That will serve you as a gift that keeps on giving, throughout your life, and also for others around you.
All the best,
Ric
Control Your Attitude to Improve Your Communications - To learn more about this author, visit Ric Phillips's Website.
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George LudwigGeorge Ludwig is a recognized authority on sales strategy and peak performance psychology. An international speaker, trainer, and corporate consultant, he helps clients like Johnson & Johnson, Abbott Laboratories, Northwestern Mutual, CIGNA, and numerous others improve sales force effectiveness and performance. Though it's George's strategies and processes that help corporations increase productivity and performance, it's his tremendous energy and dynamism that spark the transformation. Again and again, clients remark on his amazing ability to unleash human capacity and inspire men and women to break out of their comfort zones. The result is a whole new type of salesperson. His customized presentations teach achievers to make stunning advances in their lives. From helping salespeople realize cherished dreams to helping corporations exponentially accelerate revenue streams, George Ludwig leaves audiences and individuals empowered, emboldened, and clamoring for more. George is the best-selling author of Power Selling: Seven Strategies for Cracking the Sales Code and Wise Moves: 60 Quick Tips to Improve Your Position in Life & Business. - Visit George Ludwig's Website |
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Dave KurlanDave Kurlan is the founder and CEO of Objective Management Group, Inc., the industry leader in sales assessments and sales force evaluations, and the CEO of David Kurlan & Associates, Inc., a consulting firm specializing in sales force development. Dave has been a top rated speaker at Inc. Magazine's Conference on Growing the Company, the Sales & Marketing Management Conference and the Gazelles Sales & Marketing Summit. He has been featured on radio and TV, including World Business Review with General Norman Schwarzkopf, in Inc. Magazine, Selling Power Magazine, Sales & Marketing Management Magazine and Incentive Magazine. He is the author of Mindless Selling and Baseline Selling – How to Become a Sales Superstar by Using What You Already Know about the Game of Baseball. He created and wrote STAR, a proprietary recruiting process for hiring great salespeople, and he writes Understanding the Sales Force, a popular business Blog and is a contributing author to The Death of 20th Century Selling and 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life, Volume 2. - Visit Dave Kurlan's Website |
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Communication Coach - My company, 3V Communications, focuses on interpersonal skill development, professional communications and personal growth. On this blog I will post newsletters, tips for communication, notices of upcoming workshops, and thoughts and resources relevant to the world of communication.
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Ric Phillips Video - Communication Coach Ric Phillips is invited once again to be on CBC News TV on January 01 2009 to discuss how we can apply the coaching G.R.O.W. model to achieve our goals and New Year resolutions. You will see a 'calmer' more subdued Ric in comparison to his 2008 interview. Watch and compare and then go set some goals!!!
(CommunicationCoach.ca)
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