How Do You Speak to Yourself?

Yes, be careful what you say to yourself. Our self-talk conditions us subconsciously just like water torture. (No, I don't mean water-boarding!) Water torture is when you let a drop of cold water hit a person's forehead. After a few of these you may be thinking this is ineffective torture - it's just water drops. But after a hundred, a thousand or more, it is like a spike being hammered into your skull! So is the result of a negative or self-defeating comment said to you by someone else or by yourself (self-talk) on a regular basis. For example, if you say these things: "I'm getting fat. Do you think I'm getting fat? I'm too fat." Or if you hear "you look fat" etc. then what do you think will be the result? Your conscious brain will program yourself to believe you are heavier than you actually are and that everyone must think the same. Can you see how dangerous this is? We all fluctuate in actual weight and appearance of weight daily, depending on meals, water, mirrors, scales and choice of wardrobe. You are no different!

Prevent this negative programming. Stop yourself when you are mumbling about how silly you are or how you are not going to do well on the next project or how you are going to be so nervous giving your presentation that everyone will be disappointed in you. Stop those thoughts and replace them with positive ones. Yes, replacement therapy works! For example, change:

"I'm so nervous I could die!" to "I'm excited - this is going to be exhilarating!"
"People cannot understand me because of my accent" to "People love different accents. I will speak clear and be confident"
"The boss really has it in for me today" to "Today is a good day to impress my boss. Looks like he needs the cheering up anyway!"

And as mentioned above, you must monitor not only how you talk to yourself, but how you talk to others, as even the slightest ‘innocent' comment can affect people, especially if it is repeated often over time. For excellent communication skills, when talking to yourself or to others, always remember the 3Ps of effective communication: Be Polite, Professional and Positive.

Until next time,

Ric the Coach