Are You Being Mean?
You probably consider yourself a person who is kind and does your best to
play by the Golden Rule. But as coach, I get to peek behind your curtain. I
know that some of the seemingly nicest people are downright mean and nasty.
You’re mean and nasty to yourself. Wicked. Brutal. Verging on abusive.
Don’t be shocked. You do it more than you think. You’re just so used to it that it doesn’t even occur to you that there is a different path.
Why do you do this? Because you think you should be achieving more in your business, making more money and that you should be so mature and wise that nothing ruffles your feathers. Welcome to the party.
I still resort to questioning my sanity and feeling like I should be beyond life’s challenges. Thank goodness I reach out in those moments and I’m gently reminded by family, friends and mentors that I’m doing just fine.
However, I do notice the despair that happens when perfectly amazing people (you’re one of them!) judge themselves harshly. I’m speaking to this not just because it’s emotionally crippling. It is one the easiest ways to derail your business success and not break through your perceived income ceiling.
When you are mean to yourself, you disconnect from your power. When this happens you can kiss your creativity and new clients goodbye. You become unattractive.
My dear friend Mai Vu explains it in a way that is more direct. I had posted on FaceBook that I was doing online traffic school. Mai sent me a note after seeing the post and we began dialoguing about my traffic ticket. I said I should never drive when I was feeling so disconnected. My attention was focused on someone who I perceived as being an a**hole. I told Mai that the police officer who pulled me over was being the same way as the person I was focused on. A perfect vibrational match to my mood.
“Oh, dang it. If you’re encountering more than one of anything in a short period of a day, then the message is about you: like you were the a**hole. Ouch!!!! I'm sorry you were being an asshole to yourself. And causing all sorts of ripples in the wake.”
WOW! Was she on target with that reply. I had gotten myself all buggered up about how this person was not being respectful and they needed to act differently. I got myself in such a state that I was not looking out for my well-being on any level.
Being kind to yourself is not just about pumping up your self confidence. It’s about having a no tolerance rule regarding harsh judgments, setting boundaries around your time and making decisions based on what will give you joy.
Practice random acts of kindness to yourself. Once you’ve mastered that, then you’ll be able to do more acts of kindness for others.