When Things Get Bad, Get Good!
When Things Get Bad, Get Good!
It all became clear last week on the way to get a massage. My boyfriend and I were running late, so there was instant tension. While speeding down the freeway, I was listening to him talking on the phone to one of his employees. Miss Coach (me) was noticing all the ways that he could’ve been more effective in his conversation. My head started shaking back in forth in reaction. I was being so subtle! (Not!)
As soon as he gets off the phone he says, “Alright, give me feedback. I know you have something to say.” Before I began, I asked if he was sure that this was a good time for feedback since the last hour or so was a bit tension-filled. He told me to go ahead. So, I told him what he could do different next time and why that would lead him to the overall results he wants with his team. He agreed . . . and then he blew!
Oh, no! Of course NOW I realize that it really wasn’t a good time for my feedback. My boyfriend rarely gets upset towards me, so intuitively I knew that I should just observe and listen and not take personally whatever he needed to say.
What I found out from listening to him was that it really was a good time for my feedback, but not the kind of feedback I had given him. Yes, everything I had said was true, but what he needed to hear at that moment was feedback on what he was doing well, not what he needed to improve on.
As humans, we have messages coming from everywhere constantly about things we need to improve. We are told to buy certain toothpaste so our teeth can be whiter, we need to watch Super Nanny because our parenting skills are poor, and as employees we need to always be doing a better job so the company can make more money. Phew! It’s exhausting always focusing on what’s not working.
I am a big believer in being able to clearly define what is not working, in any area of your life, so that you can clearly define what the desired outcome is. Then the next step is to create a solution. But when you are spending most of your time on all the problems, it kills your spirit and confidence. Like my boyfriend. Sometimes you just want to hear what you are doing right.
Give energy to the places you are succeeding in so you can attract more of that success. Have you ever noticed when training an animal that they love your approval and will work hard to please? Children are the same way. They thrive on positive acknowledgment. Adults are NO different.
Why does focusing on your strengths versus weakness’ produce more success? The Law of Attraction -- what you focus on is what you get more of.
I actually see my boyfriend as a very strong and effective leader. Therefore, that is how he acts when he is around me. If I thought he was a weak leader, then I would collect a lot of evidence of his weaknesses. I also see him as an excellent communicator and he is exceptional with me. There are others around him who see him as the opposite. Guess which part of him they experience.
So when the going gets rough, it still is in your favor to focus on what is working well. I know this can be challenging. At times, it may even seem like an insane concept. But it is the path of least resistance and the most effective.
So when things are getting bad, remember, go for the good!
When Things Get Bad Get Good - To learn more about this author, visit Jeanna Gabellini's Website.
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When things get bad, you've got to get good!
It all became clear last week on the way to get a massage. My boyfriend and I were running late, so there was instant tension. While speeding down the freeway, I was listening to him talking on the phone to one of his employees. Miss Coach (me) was noticing all the ways that he could’ve been more effective in his conversation. My head started shaking back in forth in reaction. I was being so subtle! (Not!)
As soon as he gets off the phone he says, “Alright, give me feedback. I know you have something to say.” Before I began, I asked if he was sure that this was a good time for feedback since the last hour or so was a bit tension-filled. He told me to go ahead. So, I told him what he could do different next time and why that would lead him to the overall results he wants with his team. He agreed . . . and then he blew!
Oh, no! Of course NOW I realize that it really wasn’t a good time for my feedback. My boyfriend rarely gets upset towards me, so intuitively I knew that I should just observe and listen and not take personally whatever he needed to say.
What I found out from listening to him was that it really was a good time for my feedback, but not the kind of feedback I had given him. Yes, everything I had said was true, but what he needed to hear at that moment was feedback on what he was doing well, not what he needed to improve on.
As humans, we have messages coming from everywhere constantly about things we need to improve. We are told to buy certain toothpaste so our teeth can be whiter, we need to watch Super Nanny because our parenting skills are poor, and as employees we need to always be doing a better job so the company can make more money. Phew! It’s exhausting always focusing on what’s not working.
I am a big believer in being able to clearly define what is not working, in any area of your life, so that you can clearly define what the desired outcome is. Then the next step is to create a solution. But when you are spending most of your time on all the problems, it kills your spirit and confidence. Like my boyfriend. Sometimes you just want to hear what you are doing right.
Give energy to the places you are succeeding in so you can attract more of that success. Have you ever noticed when training an animal that they love your approval and will work hard to please? Children are the same way. They thrive on positive acknowledgment. Adults are NO different.
Why does focusing on your strengths versus weakness’ produce more success? The Law of Attraction -- what you focus on is what you get more of.
I actually see my boyfriend as a very strong and effective leader. Therefore, that is how he acts when he is around me. If I thought he was a weak leader, then I would collect a lot of evidence of his weaknesses. I also see him as an excellent communicator and he is exceptional with me. There are others around him who see him as the opposite. Guess which part of him they experience.
So when the going gets rough, it still is in your favor to focus on what is working well. I know this can be challenging. At times, it may even seem like an insane concept. But it is the path of least resistance and the most effective.
So when things are getting bad, remember, go for the good!
When Things Get Bad Get Good - To learn more about this author, visit Jeanna Gabellini's Website.
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