Why create time to be alone

A friend last week was telling me how much she had enjoyed living in London in the early part of this decade. She had enjoyed the vibrancy and the culture but a strange image made her question whether this was the long term lifestyle for her. Each day while going to work she noticed more and more people with white pieces of wire hanging from their ears. It was the time of I Pods and each day it seemed that more and more people were joining the revolution. This innocuous observation triggered something in my friend’s mind that made her question this lifestyle, the pace of life and her priorities.

This again made me think about finding time to be alone and how difficult this can be living in a large city. Running has been my time alone for over 30 years and it has helped me make some sense of what is happening around me from the hormone driven teenage years to the mutli vitamin driven middle age years.

But what is the value of spending this alone?

Neither the Dalai Lama nor the massage therapist let me know their thoughts, so I did a bit of research. One of the articles that I discovered was by Keith Renninson. He is a Vietnam vet turned motivational speaker and author. He talked about using the time alone to develop a personal life philosophy and then to check in with ourselves on a regular basis to confirm what is working and what isn’t working. This seems like a good idea but I was never taught how to check in with myself to develop my own personal philosophy. I was taught how to get high marks so that I could do whatever I wanted to do.

In hind sight it seems a bit strange that there was not more emphasis on how to develop my self knowledge. This would have helped determine what it was that I wanted to do.

So in the absence of self knowledge I did the next best thing and that is did what my family, friends, media, politicians or teachers told me is the right thing to do.

As a dad I see this is a challenge to help my kids work out their own philosophies, to determine what they want to do with there life.

One of the things that I will encourage is for them to spend time alone. I will probably have to get over being called a freak but I will actively make opportunities for them to have those deep and meaningful solo conversations.

The following are some specific thought starters that I intend to share with my kids to initiate this solo discussion:

* Reflect on your past present and future. What makes you happy? What makes you angry?, How can you get more of the former and less of the later * Discover how you really feel about issues without anyone else’s input.

* Listen to your thoughts.

* Compare your ideas and options.

* Appreciate that you can make good choices.

How to create this time alone in our life? A real commitment needs to be made. There is no need to become a monk or a nun or sail solo around the world. Renninson asks himself each morning if he is happy with the direction of his health and fitness, his professional life and his social life. I use my time running or doing yoga to have that inner conversation about the status of my life. For some it is really tough to find that time that can be spent alone. This is usually because of family and work commitments and when any time is available being deep and meaningful is not at the top of the “to do list”.

However just like an advertising campaign “take the challenge”, you may find that the time you give yourself helps create time in your life overall. Set 15 minutes in your diary or in outlook or your PDA or whatever time management tool you use 4 times per week over the next 4 weeks. You may find it helpful to have a pen and paper handy to write any insights or decisions that you make.

You will then have your own answer to the topic of this article “Why create time to be alone”.

Why create time to be alone - To learn more about this author, visit Gerry Maguire's Website.

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