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VictimVictorious

Written by: Karla Robertson

Article Overview: What is it that makes us tell our ‘victim story’ instead of a victorious one where we are in the driver’s seat of our choices as to how we handle what comes our way?

VictimVictorious

One of the more famous psychological experiments that was done in the 1960s, before there was a lot of sensitivity around how scientific experiments were performed on animals, was one that had to do with learned helplessness. As defined by psychologists, “Learned helplessness is a psychological condition in which a human being or an animal has learned to believe that it is helpless in a particular situation. It has come to believe that it has no control over its situation and that whatever it does is futile. As a result, the human being or the animal will stay passive in the face of an unpleasant, harmful or damaging situation, even when it does actually have the power to change its circumstances.”

How often do you feel this way as a leader? How often may members of your team feel like this? What about your employee population? If a situation has seemed hopeless to you, how do you think others think about it? In the face of hard times, when it seems that there is nothing you can do to move the ball forward even a little, it’s easy to just ‘lay down and wimper’…to become a victim of your circumstances. Yet, the expectations of others don’t stop do they? You still have to deliver…somehow, some way.

It’s Not About the Circumstances

It is important to realize and always keep in the forefront of your mind that each of us has the power to make decisions in the midst of our circumstances to get us to a better place: to safe ground, achieved goals, healthier lifestyle, etc. You see, it’s not about the circumstance you find yourself in. It’s about what you do with it. And what you do with it will largely depend on how you think about it. What connections do you begin to make that trigger emotional responses in your mind and body which lead to your decisions, which then lead to your choices and then actions. You can be a victim of some event or action against you but whether you are victimized going forward is up to you. We do not control everything that happens around us; we do control how we think about it and therefore respond. If we come from a place of fear, we have already lost. Because when we invest fear in something, we make it real and are at its mercy. If we embrace what is happening and find a way to be grateful for it, we immediately put “it” at our mercy. I’m not saying that you should wish for bad times. I’m suggesting that you have to make peace with the reality of it so it doesn’t control the best of who you are and your ability to find the best way through it. I know what you’re thinking: “Be grateful for bad times, high gas prices, layoffs, incompetency?” Sounds nuts right? But let me ask you this: How is being resistant, fighting, fuming, worrying and complaining about what you don’t control working for you? Why not try something different for the next 30-60 days and see how it goes. What have you got to lose?

Lead the Way

Mind you, embracing and being grateful for things that aren’t going well doesn’t make them go away. What that shift in thinking does is allow you the opportunity to be the master of what happens next. Where you come from in your thinking will determine how you handle the reality of what is in the most advantageous way for you and those for whom you are responsible. As a leader, people are at your mercy to rise above the noise, confusion, fear and lead by example. In so doing, you will spark positive energy in others to take up the lead and be ambassadors of new thinking and higher results with their teams despite circumstances. Know this: People want to succeed. They want to be victorious. They also need some guidance to get going in the right direction sometimes.

How Can You Go From Victim to Victorious?

1. Stop. Take a breath. Try to get your distance from what is happening and what you are
feeling. Seek to take a dispassionate look at the situation. Create some space around it.
Is it a lack of will or is it a lack of ability that is keeping you stuck?

2. Write down how you think about it, feel about it.

3. Ask yourself:
• “What haven’t I considered yet?”
• “What opportunity may I be overlooking in this situation?”
• “How am I thinking about this?”
• “Am I clear about what the issue really is?”
• “What hand does my thinking have in what is going wrong here?”
• “How am I thinking when things go well for me?”
• “Is there anyone else who could collaborate with me on this?”
• “What actions are within my sphere of influence and abilities to put into motion?”
• “What is one thought I can focus on right now that will immediately improve this situation even one degree?”

4. From a big picture standpoint, if you were to make the transformation from victim to
victorious, what impact would that have in other areas of your leadership? Team? Life?

Remember, when we are in the midst of fear, we begin to give circumstances power over us and we start telling ourselves stories. These stories become our reality which then determines how we view our options which then guides our actions…or lack thereof. These stories can be limiting or liberating depending on where we place our thinking.

What story are you telling yourself? A victim story or a victorious one?

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Article Tags: 1960s, animals, choices, circumstance, circumstances, decisions, emotional responses, employee population, forefront, healthier lifestyle, learned helplessness, midst, mind and body, psychological condition, psychological experiments, psychologists, scientific experiments



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