Does YOUR Elevator Take People Up?

Does YOUR Elevator Take People Up?
By Victoria Cook , The Guilt-Free Coach

Would it surprise you to know research shows that 80% of people have increased
productivity after being praised for their work? Or that when children are
praised for their efforts, and not their intelligence, they have improved scores
on some tests by 30% and were eager to tackle harder tests? What about hair
stylists garnering better tips by giving customers compliments on their new
look?* What is the common thread in all of these examples? Specific compliments,
affirmation, and encouragement.

How's your elevator ride?

Who doesn't enjoy receiving kudos for a job well done, or good effort put forth,
but how often do we think to dole them out to others. I know I strive to do so
in my daily life but occasionally fall short. The other evening I was watching
the bonus features from the movie bella, and was again confronted with the
importance of praise. Director/Writer, Alejandro Monteverde, said, "To me,
people are elevators. You get in with them and they take you up, or you get in with them and they take
you down." That really struck a chord causing me to evaluate my words and
actions. I had to ask myself is my elevator regularly taking people up or down.

It's easy to get caught up in the flurry of work and home activities, and
checking off the to-do list; taking dear family and friends a bit for granted.
It's not unusual to focus on what needs improving and forget to praise, affirm
and compliment what's right!

My best example

My Great Grandmother, Marie, was a person in my life who best exemplified
Alejandro's sentiment above. She's pictured to the right on her 97th Birthday.
For as long as I can remember she always had a kind word, specific affirmations
and encouragement to tell you. Even when I'd visit her in her late 90's (she
lived to be 100 years and 4 months young) armed with the latest happenings in my
life or photos to share thinking I'd brighten HER day, I'd be the one leaving
our visits feeling better about myself and uplifted!

Here are a few principles I'm still learning to help ensure
my elevator takes people up:

Lavish praise three to four times more often than correction or criticism

I'm not sure where I heard it, but it makes sense. It's easy to find an elevator
going down, so we need to combat them with praise. I sometimes get those ratios
turned up-side-down, especially with my teen when he's being, well, a teen. But
it's important to remember to be generous with our praise.

Be specific & personal

I can attest to how important and lasting praise can be when following this
principle. I was 19 or 20 living on the North side of Chicago and often visited
my Great Grandmother at her Oak Brook Terrace home. She would always introduce
me to whatever friends happened to be in the elevator or building as we passed,
boasting how proud she was of me. She'd tell anyone who would listen (and a few
who didn't) how impressed she was with my living on my own and that I'd drive
anywhere in any kind of weather. She often told me that many of her friends wouldn't drive past Cass
Avenue but she'd tell them how her Great Granddaughter drove all over.

It was a small thing, and I was 19 and didn't have the sense not to drive in
sleet or torrential downpours, but it always stuck with me. So much so that when
I'm feeling a little apprehensive driving during inclement weather, I remember
my Great Grandma's words and am encouraged to keep going.

Leave a lasting impression

It's not so much about the words, but the way in which they make the recipient
feel. They may not always remember verbatim what was said or written, but they
WILL remember the feelings they experienced, I still remember feeling special
and loved by the note my Dad wrote me before I attended my first Prom (titled
"As You Are Promed" - - you have to know my Dad's sense of humor!). I don't
remember exactly all the words he wrote (though I have it tucked away in a
scrapbook and could look it up), but I do remember the feelings felt. What feelings and lasting impressions do your words leave?

These are the 3 principles I'm learning, and would love to hear any additional
ones you know. Please e-mail me with your ideas. I may even share them in my
next e-zine.

"Going up?!"