Having Inner Strength
Written by:
Victoria Cook
Article Overview: Sometimes we hear things rattling around in our own minds or coming from our own lips that aren’t true. Have you ever made an off the cuff disparaging remark about yourself in front of someone and have them counter what you just said? This article helps you change your inner dialogue and beliefs about yourself into positive messages that will help you succeed instead of negative messages that will hold you back.
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Having Inner Strength
Is what you think true?
The other day I was driving in the car with my 3-year old son, listening to my iPod through the car radio. The song Ballroom Blitz by Sweet (circa) came on and I started jamming "old school". Aidan was singing right along! Curious what he was singing, I turned down the radio and cracked up listening to him sing , "On the list......on the list".
Chuckling, I explained that the words were "Ballroom Blitz". He was ADAMANT that I was wrong and the words were "On the list"! No matter how hard I tried to convince him, he wouldn't hear of it.
This happens to us too! Sometimes WE hear things rattling around in our own minds or coming from our own lips that aren't true. Have you ever made an off the cuff disparaging remark about yourself in front of someone and have them counter what you just said. Maybe you said something like, "I'm just not good at public speaking like you" and they disagreed. Perhaps they even shared a time they thought you were quite inspiring. No matter how hard your friend may try to convince you that your public speaking is great, you won't hear of it. When the negative thought is so prominent it's hard to believe the truth just like Aidan not believing me about the song lyrics.
I've been reflecting a lot on this as I prepare for a talk I'm giving next week on Being a Woman of Strength Inside and Out, where I'll be covering the inner strength portion. We cannot have inner strength if we don't master our inner dialogue.
Mastering our inner dialogue is much more than just a positive attitude. It's about the subconscious and conscious beliefs we have, how they make us feel, and how they either empower or sabotage our actions. The conscious and subconscious must be in alignment. If you are saying "I want that promotion", but your subconscious dialogue is saying "Yeah, but, that will mean a whole lot more hours" or "But I probably won't get it, Linda is much more qualified" or "I'm not sure I have what it takes", guess what? You DON'T! I'm not trying to be mean, but rather help you understand how important it is to believe in what it is you say you want. Napoleon Hill says it best: "Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve".
I often give a talk titled What's on Your Inner MP3 Player? in which I share more on this subject. I use the example of an MP3 player to represent our mind with a variety "songs or thoughts".
The cycle goes something like this:
- The playlist starts and we hear the internal negative or limiting thought.
- We begin to buy into it.
- This alters our beliefs and can cause fears.
- These fears bring forth more negative thoughts and feelings that hold us back.
- From there, we begin making excuses for why we can't achieve our goal or be who we want to be.
- These excuses then keep us from taking the actions that really can create the results of our heart's desire.
It's a sabotaging playlist and negative cycle often repeated over and over again. The good news is that while we all struggle with this to one degree or another, we CAN change our tunes and create greater success!
Your Guilt-Free Assignment (should you wish to accept it)
So, how do we go about changing those tunes?
I'm glad you asked!
- Start by being more conscious about those thoughts. Notice when they pop up. Often a particular situation or experience can magically press the PLAY button on the negative playlist.
- Make a list of the negative thoughts and fears you've identified. Raising your awareness is the first step towards making change.
- Pick one belief or fear and work on changing it.
© 2009 Victoria Cook. All Rights Reserved.
Want to use this article on your website or your own ezine? No problem! But you MUST include my bio and a link to my website.
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Related Forum Posts
Re: your personality type?
- Hi Michelle!
If you are the present-moment focused, this is your result. If it doesn't seem spot on, I'll give you the big-picture focused result.
The Enjoyer of Life. You enthusiastically enjoy experiencing the five senses, creative pursuits and social harmony in the here-and-now. You are independent, socially upbeat, and enjoy creating a positive and happy atmosphere. Despite your outgoing “persona,” you are a private person and few people truly know you well). #1 Strength:
Comfort Creator #2 Strength: Expressing Social Feeling
1) Comfort Creator -- Creating a comfortable physical environment. Feels the ?ve senses vividly. Adept at using objects, or ?nding or building objects, to make a physical space the most soothing to all ?ve senses. Also organizing so objects are easily found in a convenient way. Both the physical comfort of self, and others, is important. Often feel a need to ensure those close to them are warm enough, fed, rested, etc. Will easily offer help to others in these areas, lending a jacket, or offering a snack.
2) Expressing Social Feeling Setting an emotional tone, vibrant, energetic, or serious, etc. Concerned with the emotional environment as it?s happening -- the vibe of people at a party, the tone of a situation, other people?s responses. Setting the tone -- dramatic and serious, or lighthearted and a celebration. Emotional displays are important for knowing how others are feeling, whether bad or good. Someone talking in a monotone about feelings seems insincere. Feels should be shown, so they can be read by others.
Your best type would be:
The Conceptualizer. You are an inventive creator of logical systems of possibilities that you use to create processes,
products or strategies. Socially, you are sometimes quiet, but also find yourself acting as the life of the party,
especially when you get caught up in a debate or entertaining topic of conversation. #1 Strength: Generating
Future Possibilities #2 Strength: Systematic/Rule Logic
Re: your personality type?
- Hi Zac,
If you're on the fence about 2 and 3, I'd think more about them. Big picture people tend to be oblivious to the detail of what is happening NOW -- the colors on a restaurant wall, the layout of someone's apartment, the color of people's shirts at a party, etc. They instead notice the "theme" -- an upscale restaurant (who knows what color), casual shirts at a party (not sure what style), etc. A "trendy" apartment, but who knows where the bathroom was.
Gut feeling people tend to act w/o all the facts, and are comfortable following that instinct. "Thinker" people will choose something even if they HATE it, just because it "makes sense." Where as that makes no sense to a gut person. Thinkers are more "black and white" where as gut instinct feelers are more "gray area" people.
But going with your selections...
1. Within
2. Big Picture
3. Gut Feeling
4. Spontaneous
The Reflective Seeker of Truth. You are a passionate searcher of big-picture meaning and strive to help others with your empathetic listening skills. Socially, you are usually quiet, but can be a social butterfly when you feel like it, though it can be draining to do so for too long. You have a very silly and goofy side, enjoy people and need time to quietly reflect #1 Strength: Predicting Future Likelihoods #2 Strength: Expressing Social Feeling
Predicting Future Likelihoods Predicting what is likely to happen, based on past events, themes, or
what has historically been true. Deciding what will happen, based on past events. These predictions are usually spoken with con?dence and certainty. A thread or common idea is drawn from the past, and these ideas are used to decide what will happen in the future. Authorities and past situations are extremely important for deciding what will happen in the future.
Expressing Social Feeling Setting an emotional tone, vibrant, energetic, or serious, etc. Concerned with the emotional environment as it?s happening -- the vibe of people at a party, the tone of a situation, other people?s responses. Setting the tone -- dramatic and serious, or lighthearted and a celebration. Emotional displays are important for knowing how others are feeling, whether bad or good. Someone talking in a monotone about feelings seems insincere. Feels should be shown, so they can be read by others.
If that is your type, your #1 match would be...
The Strong-Willed Go-Getter. You are a bold sculptor of the here-and-now in order to achieve immediate results following a logical system for making decisions. You add a fun, upbeat vibe to social events and are often the most gregarious person in the room. #1 Strength: Commander of Physical Space #2 Strength: Systematic/Rule Logic
Meet Kim Kleeman - Shakespeare Squared: Named one of Inc.'s
- THIS IS PRETTY INTERESTING. WISH I'D THOUGHT OF IT FIRST!!!!
Meet Kim Kleeman: Shakespeare Squared: Named one of Inc.'s 500 Fastest Growing Private Companies in America.
Recognized as one of Working Mother magazine's 25 Best Small Companies. Awarded the title of Illinois Family Business of the Year. Lofty accomplishments for company founder Kim Kleeman, a woman who just a few short years ago swore she would never own her own business!
Having grown up the child of business-owner parents, Kleeman knew well the stresses and demands that entrepreneurial life can place upon a family. She met her husband, Jay, on the first day of college, and together they earned their teaching degrees and started making plans for a modest but happy life. When Jay's stint as a student teacher strained the family budget, though, they both started doing subcontract work proofing elementary school textbooks. Before long, they were taking on bigger jobs and hiring other teachers to freelance on various projects, and from that point on, they never looked back.
In 2003, the couple founded Shakespeare Squared, an educational development company that employs an army of freelancers to write and edit materials such as textbooks, lesson plans, teacher guides, activity workbooks, and test-preparation materials. Initially a home-based business managed by Kim while Jay continued his work as a high school teacher, the company now has a full-time staff of 20 and is branching out in new directions, publishing its own materials and offering an educational editing certification process. In three years' time, the company has grown by an incredible 815 percent, bringing in $2.3 million in revenue last year.
What we learned from Kim: That the most incredible resource for launching might very well be your own friends and family. Kim started this business with her husband; her best friend since high school is her director of human resources; her sister is a remote project coordinator; her lawyer brother weighs in on various matters; her mom is a managing editor; and her parents are her de facto advisory board, with whom she meets every morning to share a cup of tea and conversation in their backyard.
Words of Wisdom
"Trust your instincts and empower your people."
From Teacher to Tycoon
"I don't know if I had a big 'aha' moment about starting a business; our growth was really organic. After my second child I immediately got pregnant with my third and there was no turning back, because we weren't going to be able to afford day care for two babies on two teachers' salaries. I had been working from home and continuously had one or two projects going, and I set a goal of having 10 projects running simultaneously. So after my son was born, I enacted my own guerilla marketing plan and e-mailed every editorial director at the big publishing companies, looking for projects. We soon landed our first big client, HarperCollins Children's Books."
Not About the Money
"I just wanted to make the best company that I could and be happy doing it. If that included millions of dollars, great, but that wasn't really the goal. I didn't know at first how much work we would end up getting, but I think the extensive classroom experience of our people sets us apart in this field. As teachers ourselves, we understand the needs of our clients and we deliver on that."
It Takes a Village
"We employ over 400 freelance writers. Most are former teachers but we pull from publishing, journalism, and other fields as well. We developed a writing test that covers everything from copyrighting to educational taboos, and prospective freelancers must earn at least a B+. A nice plus with our business is the opportunity we can offer teachers for life beyond teaching. I really promote teachers in the classroom, but if the classroom just isn't your thing and you're still passionate about education, there is a place for you here."
Those Who Can, Teach
"Educators in this country are getting a bad rap. We ask them to perform many roles and yet we're not supporting them as a society. Prospective teachers must student teach to become certified and are expected to not work while doing so, but there are so many people from diverse backgrounds who would love to teach-and who would be great teachers-who can't afford to do that. The Shakespeare Squared Foundation helps pay for prospective teachers to student teach. My passion is to get the right teachers in place, because that makes all the difference for students."
The Best and the Brightest
"It is definitely a challenge to find and retain the best talent, because I am up against large publishers. I have to provide a different culture and be creative in the way I offer benefits. We really believe in the work/life balance and offer such things as flex hours, remote work capabilities, and a working-parents room in the office. We've been recognized for these efforts, and because of them, our turnover is very low."
Networking 101
"You have to go into a networking situation with the idea in mind that there will be one person in the crowd who can make a difference to you, and you have to find that person. You may be talking to someone who makes shoelaces and has nothing in common with your business, but she may know someone in your field or know about an interesting business practice that could translate to your own. But the bottom line is that if it's not the right conversation, you politely cut it short and move on."
Strength in Numbers
"There is so much value in the process of incubating an idea with other women. I am always looking for women who are coming together creatively and collaboratively because things flow from it that you would never dream. When women support other women, we empower each other to take charge of our lives, whether by owning our own businesses or making a career change or making decisions about our families."
Best Advice
"I read in Working Mother magazine that women CEOs need to take the ability that they have in their work life to delegate responsibility and create a management team and apply that to their home life as well. So I really try to think of running my household the same way I run my business; whether it's cleaning ladies or repairmen, I find people I trust and have them take care of tasks that I don't need to spend time on. This has relieved a lot of guilt and allowed me to focus on the things that are really important."
Most Rewarding Moments
"Winning the Working Mother award as one of the 25 Best Small Companies felt pretty great because it showed that having a unique workplace does pay off. But even better is realizing that your message is getting across to your people. I love seeing quotes at my team's desks about goals and achieving your dreams, all of the exact things I say to empower them. It's cool to realize that there isn't a lot of cynicism, and that people are really buying into these ideas and making them their own."
Parting Thoughts ...
"My secret weapon is the news articles that I send to my team."
"I will retire when I have no more dreams to accomplish."
"I will always think of myself as a teacher."
"My greatest strength is my enthusiasm."
This featured lady was profiled by Noelle Pechar Hale, a freelance writer living in Los Angeles.
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