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Keys to Confronting Well

Written by: Todd Linaman

Article Overview: Most people fear confrontation. The thought of speaking up – especially during a conflict or uncomfortable situation – can be almost paralyzing. However, the ability to effectively confront tough issues by clearly stating what you think, feel, and want can be one of the most valuable interpersonal skills a person can possess. The ten keys listed below can help prepare you for those difficult conversations.

Keys to Confronting Well

Most people fear confrontation. The thought of speaking up – especially during a conflict or uncomfortable situation – can be almost paralyzing. However, the ability to effectively confront tough issues by clearly stating what you think, feel, and want can be one of the most valuable interpersonal skills a person can possess. The ten keys listed below can help prepare you for those difficult conversations.

1. Objectively describe your concern

Stick to the facts only when describing your concern or complaint. If you begin by talking about the other person’s motives or intentions, you’re likely to trigger a defensive or angry reaction.

2. Avoid making it personal

Address the action or behavior without attacking the person with criticism, name calling or blame. Negative personal comments can damage your relationship, even into the future.

3. Keep your comments brief and to the point

Reserve the lectures for the classroom because they never benefit relationships. If your goal is to influence positive behavioral change and resolution, less is more.

4. Resist getting sucked into an argument

If your comments are met with hostility, blame or defensiveness, fight the temptation to argue your position. Instead, state what you believe needs to be said and then end the conversation. Arguing is often destructive and will likely make the situation worse.

5. Avoid getting sidetracked

It’s easy for irrelevant or unrelated issues to sneak into a discussion when confronting a difficult issue. Commit to only addressing one concern or complaint at a time, and it will increase the likelihood of an acceptable outcome.

6. Express your thoughts and feelings

Expressing what you feel openly and honestly at the outset of a difficult conversation will help to reduce anxiety and diffuse pent up emotion that might otherwise escalate during the discussion. For example, stating, “I am angry” will actually help prevent anger from controlling your responses.

7. Remember that it’s far better to be respected than to be liked

Although the person you are confronting may not like what you have to say, if you appropriately communicate your concerns, they are much more likely to respect you and be willing to cooperate with you to resolve the conflict.

8. Keep your emotions, especially anger, under control

Increased volume and hostility are never good substitutes for reason and self-control.

9. Clearly state what you want or need

When confronting an issue, people are often quick to identify what they don’t want, but tend to forget to clearly communicate what they do want. Remember, if what you want or need is understood, you are more likely to get it.

10. Keep your expectations realistic

Unmet expectations lead to disappointment, so keep them realistic, both for yourself and the one you are confronting.

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Article Tags: acceptable outcome, angry reaction, anxiety, attacking the person, brief and to the point, confrontation, defensiveness, difficult conversations, emotion, hostility, interpersonal skills, likelihood, motives, outset, personal address, personal comments, temptation, thoughts and feelings, uncomfortable situation, unrelated issues



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