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Keys to Confronting Well
Written by: Todd LinamanArticle Overview: Most people fear confrontation. The thought of speaking up – especially during a conflict or uncomfortable situation – can be almost paralyzing. However, the ability to effectively confront tough issues by clearly stating what you think, feel, and want can be one of the most valuable interpersonal skills a person can possess. The ten keys listed below can help prepare you for those difficult conversations.
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Keys to Confronting Well
Most people fear confrontation. The thought of speaking up – especially during a conflict or uncomfortable situation – can be almost paralyzing. However, the ability to effectively confront tough issues by clearly stating what you think, feel, and want can be one of the most valuable interpersonal skills a person can possess. The ten keys listed below can help prepare you for those difficult conversations.
1. Objectively describe your concern
Stick to the facts only when describing your concern or complaint. If you begin by talking about the other person’s motives or intentions, you’re likely to trigger a defensive or angry reaction.
2. Avoid making it personal
Address the action or behavior without attacking the person with criticism, name calling or blame. Negative personal comments can damage your relationship, even into the future.
3. Keep your comments brief and to the point
Reserve the lectures for the classroom because they never benefit relationships. If your goal is to influence positive behavioral change and resolution, less is more.
4. Resist getting sucked into an argument
If your comments are met with hostility, blame or defensiveness, fight the temptation to argue your position. Instead, state what you believe needs to be said and then end the conversation. Arguing is often destructive and will likely make the situation worse.
5. Avoid getting sidetracked
It’s easy for irrelevant or unrelated issues to sneak into a discussion when confronting a difficult issue. Commit to only addressing one concern or complaint at a time, and it will increase the likelihood of an acceptable outcome.
6. Express your thoughts and feelings
Expressing what you feel openly and honestly at the outset of a difficult conversation will help to reduce anxiety and diffuse pent up emotion that might otherwise escalate during the discussion. For example, stating, “I am angry” will actually help prevent anger from controlling your responses.
7. Remember that it’s far better to be respected than to be liked
Although the person you are confronting may not like what you have to say, if you appropriately communicate your concerns, they are much more likely to respect you and be willing to cooperate with you to resolve the conflict.
8. Keep your emotions, especially anger, under control
Increased volume and hostility are never good substitutes for reason and self-control.
9. Clearly state what you want or need
When confronting an issue, people are often quick to identify what they don’t want, but tend to forget to clearly communicate what they do want. Remember, if what you want or need is understood, you are more likely to get it.
10. Keep your expectations realistic
Unmet expectations lead to disappointment, so keep them realistic, both for yourself and the one you are confronting.
Article Tags: acceptable outcome, angry reaction, anxiety, attacking the person, brief and to the point, confrontation, defensiveness, difficult conversations, emotion, hostility, interpersonal skills, likelihood, motives, outset, personal address, personal comments, temptation, thoughts and feelings, uncomfortable situation, unrelated issues
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About the Author: Todd Linaman RSS for Todd's articles - Visit Todd's website As the President and Founder of Relational Advantage, Inc., Dr. Todd E. Linaman is committed to developing personal and organizational potential into a higher level of quality performance. For fifteen years prior to launching Relational Advantage, Inc., Dr. Linaman gained extensive business and professional experience serving as the Executive Director of a multi-state network of behavioral health clinics and the Vice President of a national non-profit educational media corporation. He is a licensed psychologist, an executive and personal coach and a respected authority in the area of personal and professional development. Dr. Linaman has worked with corporate executives, business owners, pastors, attorneys, and other professionals in his coaching and consulting practice. He is a national conference and seminar speaker and has authored numerous articles on personal and professional development topics. He has been featured as an expert on national and local radio talk shows and local television news programs. Click here to visit Todd's website Overcoming the Fear of Change Are You Putting on an Act Values Your Compass for Life Part II Bend or Break Which Will You Do 10 Tips for Improving Staff Morale |
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