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Values: Your Compass for Life - Part I

Written by: Todd Linaman

Article Overview: If you know where you want to go and how you want to get there, you are much more likely to reach your destination. And it’s also much more likely that you will have enjoyed the journey along the way.

Values: Your Compass for Life - Part I

If you know where you want to go and how you want to get there, you are much more likely to reach your destination. And it’s also much more likely that you will have enjoyed the journey along the way.

But most people today live life by default. In other words, they are not directed by a clear map that guides them to where they want to go – one with the destination circled in red and the planned route highlighted. They just take things as they come, often assuming they don’t have any control over what happens anyway. Unfortunately, I can virtually guarantee that many people living in a passive default mode will one day look back and regret many missed opportunities.

Whatever route you choose in life, you are not only making decisions for yourself, but for the generations that follow you and the people you impact along the way. With that in mind, consider one of my favorite quotes:

“An inheritance is what you leave for your loved ones. A legacy is what you leave in your loved ones.”

How do you want to be remembered?

Picture yourself 10, 20, 50 years down the road, and you have slipped quietly into the back row of a funeral. As you listen to the people sharing memories about the “dearly departed” you discover that they are talking about… you!

If you could eavesdrop on your own memorial, wouldn’t you be gratified to hear comments like these?

“I never heard her say anything mean or critical.”
“I knew he was as good as his word.”
“Our children loved her because she took time with them.”
“He was always there to help if you needed something.”
“She faced challenges with courage and optimism.”
“You always knew where he stood. He was true to his convictions.”

Return now to the present and consider what kinds of comments you’d want to hear about yourself from your family, friends, co-workers and associates. When you give this serious thought, you will begin tapping into some of the deep, fundamental values that direct your life today.

In his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey’s habit #2 is “Begin with the End in Mind.” This encourages you to picture the end of your life so that everything you do today, tomorrow, next week or next month can be examined in the context of the whole scope of what really matters most to you.

Although you may want to leave an inheritance for those you love, I believe it is much more valuable to focus on building a legacy while you are still here. While a material or financial inheritance is a genuine blessing for most people, it should be a bonus, added to a rich store of memories, values, and relationship.

Here are some great quotes that inspire a desire for a meaningful legacy:

“The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.” William James

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Oliver Wendell Holmes

So, to effectively pass on a compass for life you must first be aware of what lies within you.

Benjamin Franklin once wrote, "We stand at the crossroads, each minute, each hour, each day, making choices. We choose the thoughts we allow ourselves to think, the passions we allow ourselves to feel, and the actions we allow ourselves to perform. Each choice is made in the context of whatever value system we've selected to govern our lives. In selecting that value system, we are, in a very real way, making the most important choice we will ever make." — The Art of Virtue

Why is it up to you?

Regardless of your family’s history or your personal past, the future of your family begins with you. As parents, we can no longer sit back and passively hope our children “choose” to grow up to become caring, responsible and decent human beings. If you care about your legacy in them and their legacies, in turn, passed to future generations, you must deliberately and passionately teach and model the traits of strong character so they can become the best people they can be.

Most people’s enduring values develop in the pre-adolescent and adolescent years, but they are reinforced and strengthened our whole lives long. This is great news for families that are diligent in instilling strong ethics, character and responsibility in their kids, but overall, many people aren’t convinced that we’re headed in the right direction. In a survey sponsored by the National Commission on Children, adults (both parents and non-parents) expressed the opinion that important values are not being emphasized in today's families.

One factor is that many families are living farther and farther apart than at any other time in history. Most of us tend to reflect the mindset of the group or community we spend time and identify with, so if family isn’t nearby, the influence comes from somewhere else. With the amazing convenience of accessing popular media today - movies, television, music, blogs, and websites - more and more people identify with the “community” of TV and Hollywood and the Web. Unless we get involved in our families’ lives, influence from outside will take over as the default.

From what I’ve heard and seen, that “value” system includes:

• Don’t wait, get it now – instant gratification
• Don’t suffer – pain is bad, pleasure is good, even mild discomfort or inconvenience is intolerable
• You deserve it – you are entitled to it
• If it feels good do it
• It’s every man or woman for themselves
• Disappointment is a bad thing and you shouldn’t have to experience it

If you are planning to pass anything of material value down to your children and grandchildren, this is not necessarily comforting news. Studies show that parents and grandparents who have significant investable assets worry a great deal about whether or not their children or grandchildren will…

• Place too much emphasis on material possessions
• Be naïve about the value of money
• Be naïve about how hard it is to earn
• Spend beyond their means
• Have their initiative undermined

Another study confirmed the validity of their concern in that an estimated 77% of inherited money – often the result of a lifetime of work, frugality and sacrifice – is lost by family members within three years. The solution to this worry is to focus on giving your family a compass for life.

Senate chaplain, Peter Marshall (1902–67) once prayed, “Give to us clear vision that we may know where to stand and what to stand for—because unless we stand for something, we shall fall for anything.”

What do you value?

You can’t intentionally pass something on if you don’t have it – or if you have it and don’t clarify and communicate it. Here’s a short list to get you started clarifying what you, personally, value most.

• Individuality: Being confident about yourself
• Integrity and Responsibility: Doing the right things for the right reasons
• Compassion: Helping others
• Respect: Accepting other people's differences
• Honesty: Being truthful to others and to yourself
• Courage: Willingness to try new things and take risks
• Generosity: Sharing and giving to others
• Faith: Trusting Someone or something bigger than yourself
• Contribution: Striving to make a difference in our world
• Education: Nurturing a love of learning and pursuing wisdom

Feel free to add to or subtract from this list or start with a blank paper, but take a few moments right now and write down some of your personal values.

Ultimately, what the people you love value will have a great impact on how they manage and make decisions about their resources, as well as yours, after you are gone.

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Article Tags: challenges, co workers, convictions, courage, default mode, family friends, favorite quotes, fundamental values, generations, inheritance, journey, legacy, life today, making decisions, map, memories, optimism



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