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Values: Your Compass for Life - Part II

Written by: Todd Linaman

Article Overview: While there’s no guarantee that your offspring and heirs will follow your example in life or wholeheartedly embrace your beliefs, methods or values, don’t underestimate the impact you can have on your family. It’s always worthwhile to make the effort to pass a compass for life to the next generation. Here are some practical ways you and your loved ones will benefit from living by clearly defined values.

Values: Your Compass for Life - Part II

Why Passing on A Life Compass Matters

While there’s no guarantee that your offspring and heirs will follow your example in life or wholeheartedly embrace your beliefs, methods or values, don’t underestimate the impact you can have on your family. It’s always worthwhile to make the effort to pass a compass for life to the next generation. Here are some practical ways you and your loved ones will benefit from living by clearly defined values.

Being directed by a values-based life compass…

1. Helps you to make better quality decisions

Once you know and understand your personal values, you can consult them whenever you need to make an important decision. Should you accept the new job you've been offered? Should you start a new business? Should you begin or end a relationship? Should you move your family to another state? These can be tough decisions that, in and of themselves, may not have a clear right or wrong answer.

Too often, decisions are based upon or motivated by fear rather than values. You are more likely to second-guess or even regret fear-based decisions, but you will generally feel much more confident about value-based decisions because they are consistent with the way you view yourself and want to live your life.

2. Identifies the circumstances and people that do and don’t support your values

If you’re values-focused, you want to associate with people who will add to your life in positive ways. As they say, it is better to soar with eagles than to run around with turkeys.

3. Gives you greater peace and a clear conscience

If you have ever made a decision and/or engaged in a behavior and then afterwards had a sense of uneasiness or discomfort, chances are it’s because what you did was not consistent with what you value. Living in alignment with your values will produce a peace and sense of satisfaction that will greatly improve your quality of life.

“There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience.” French Proverb

4. Gives clearer direction to goal setting

As with decision making, our values provide a highly effective template for our personal and professional goals. Once you decide to live with the end in mind, your goals could change radically.

5. Fuels passion and enthusiasm

In order to exude passion and enthusiasm day in and day out in your business and personal life, your attitudes and actions must be aligned with your values. It takes far too much energy to “fake it” for the long haul, and constantly ignoring, or fighting, what you value will eventually take its toll.

So you see, values serve as your compass for life. Faithfully trust and rely upon them and you will reach your desired destination. Ignore them and you will experience conflict, confusion, distraction and derailment. In short, you’ll get lost.

How to Help Others Chart Their Course

Know and tell your own story

Everyone has a story. What’s yours? How did you get where you are today? What worked and what didn’t? Failure is often a better teacher than success. Don’t be afraid to admit you goofed, because your legacy will grow deeper if others can relate. My father was very good at telling his story; in fact I often tell people that I remember my dad’s childhood better than my own!

Spend the time and effort to build a quality compass

I’m not going to tell you that creating a legacy is easy, but it’s doable and it’s worth it. Here are some practical ways to build a compass that will guide your family for years to come.

1. Walk the talk - Modeling

Children are natural imitators. The degree to which our children and grandchildren learn what we attempt to teach them is in direct proportion to how consistent our actions are with our words.

• If you value generosity – never stop giving
• If you value education – never stop learning
• If you value honesty – always tell the truth
• If you value family – consistently spend time with them and speak well of them whether they’re present or not
• If you value compassion – always help others in need

Life’s most important lessons are more often caught than taught.

2. Confront misdirection

Don’t stand by when you see the signs and symptoms of misdirection. Children who are behaving in a way that doesn’t reflect your family’s values need consistent reminders: “I don’t expect this behavior from you. Stop and think about who you are and what we value, and then behave accordingly.”

3. Talk, and ask good questions – Family Meetings

Take advantage of teachable moments. Life events, movies, TV, news stories, song lyrics and school lessons are all rich sources of opportunity to discuss how your family’s values compare and contrast to the world around you.

Ask open-ended questions that draw more than a “yes” or “no” response, like “what if…” and “what are your thoughts about…” Ask questions about what your loved one would do or how they would act under specific circumstances.

Talk openly about your wealth and what it means to you. The amount of detail you share regarding amounts, sources, expenses, etc., is up to you, based on your comfort level. But the role it plays in your life and decisions, as well as your opportunities and responsibilities, needs to be communicated. While this principle applies to the whole spectrum of “wealth” – from families who are just getting by to billionaires - parents with large incomes and significant assets need to be more open with their kids at earlier ages in order to start preparing them earlier and better for the realities of managing wealth.

4. Give and recommend inspiring books, audio CD’s and DVD’s

The books my mother gave me starting in childhood strongly influenced the development of my compass for life. I enjoyed reading about people – real and fictional – who overcame terrible odds, who chose the high road, and who learned great lessons from their lives and circumstances. Learning about heroes made me want to be heroic. Good guys made me want to make wrong things right. People who achieved great things made me want to succeed.

5. Create an audio, written or video journal

Leaving something tangible for posterity can be priceless. My mother told her story verbally and she journaled regularly. This gave her children and grandchildren a real sense of where we came from.

My grandmother created a video of her story and what she valued most and a copy will be given to each of my children. There is no doubt they will treasure it.

You can do the same for your family. Write a brief autobiography emphasizing the values that guided your decisions. Tape yourself talking to your children and future generations. Keep a journal of your day to day life or just the high points. Not only will it benefit your children, but it will also help you keep your own life heading in the right direction.

6. Create a family mission statement

A growing number of families are drawing up family mission statements – documents filled with words like "legacy," "values" and "stewardship" that aim to carry their families and their wealth safely through the generations.

These statements, also known as family constitutions, strategic plans or family codes of conduct, can range in length from a single sentence to multiple pages. They can address everything from inheritance and philanthropy to religion, education and the purpose of material wealth. Some even define what constitutes "the family" (i.e., in-laws sometimes don't count).

One goal of mission statements is to draw up moral guides for future generations, so that kids and grandkids will inherit values as well as money.

7. Give visual reminders - Symbolize your values

Life offers many opportunities for gift-giving. Birthdays, holidays, milestones, accomplishments, or “just because I love you.” These occasions can be a great time to reinforce your family values through symbols. For example, I have always had a fascination with hour-glasses. To me, they represent the passing of time and the importance of measuring every hour and not wasting this precious, finite resource. My office décor now includes several beautiful hour-glasses I have been given over the years. Other gifts I have treasured include bookends that support my love of reading and a wooden gavel that appeals to my sense of justice for all. These articles serve as a daily reminder of some things that are important to me. I especially love receiving thoughtful, value-based gifts from my children because I know that the process of selecting the gift also reminded them of things I want them to learn.

Construct Your Life Compass Using VALUES

If you are already intentionally navigating your life with a compass of strong values, I congratulate you – and your heirs will thank you! If you’ve been drifting, today is the day to begin planning how you will influence the generations that will follow you. It’s not too late to be sure people will say good things about you, and mean them, at the funeral!

In Conclusion…

Verbalize - Talk about what’s important to you openly and consistently.

Act - Demonstrate your values through your behavior and lifestyle.

Love - Consistently express love. It gives you a greater position of influence.
“People won’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”


Understand - Know what really matters and avoid majoring on the minors. A lack of understanding can alienate and undermine your relationship.

Expect - Maintain positive expectations for those you love.
“People often receive from life exactly what they expect.”

Support - Encourage, affirm and reinforce positive decisions and actions.

“Do not walk through time without leaving worthy evidence of your passage.” - Pope John XXIII

Related Articles
  The Compass or The Clock
  THE VALUES OF SUCCESS
  Are You Searching for the Summit
  Finding True North With the Help of a Child
  Here's How To Live Your Life Money Values

Article Tags: alignment, circumstances, clear conscience, compass, eagles, fear, french proverb, heirs, new business, new job, next generation, offspring, peace, personal values, quality decisions, quality of life, satisfaction, second guess, turkeys, wrong answer



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