Emotions Drive Behavior Emotional Intelligence Training
Emotions Drive Behavior Emotional Intelligence Training
Recently, we were designing a training program at the Institute for Health and Human Potential, and we began our meeting as we always do - by asking ourselves the question:
“What do we want people to be able to do differently after the program?”
It’s interesting that no matter what kind of program we design, and no matter the methods we use (training, assessment, coaching, e-learning, etc), the answer almost always goes like this: “We want people to better understand and manage the emotions that drive their own behavior and the behavior of others.”
This really is the basic foundation of Emotional Intelligence - the notion of emotions driving behavior. Most leaders and individuals that we work with don’t understand this (I used to be one of them) and they focus on observing and managing behaviors. For example, we worked with a leader - lets call her Jane - who was not doing well at holding her people accountable to deadlines. Her boss had spent considerable time explaining to her why it’s important to do this (which it is) and how to do it (i.e. the behavior).
But Jane was still struggling with it. She was fortunate enough to have attended an Emotional Intelligence program that included a 360 degree assessment, training and follow up coaching. During the training, Jane learned that we all have certain triggers – things that cause us to have an emotional reaction and trigger our innate “fight of flight” response. This limits our capacity to think clearly and causes us to move to default behaviors that may no be skillful or effective. Here are some default behaviors you might see (and experience yourself!)
• Someone get defensive when they feel criticized
• Avoiding difficult conversations (as Jane did)
• A person gives in to a strongly worded demand when they really don’t want to
• Someone becomes controlling and directive when they are feeling overwhelmed
• A person “shuts down” and becomes quiet when there is conflict in a meeting
These are examples of emotional reactions that can force us into unskillful default behaviors. For Jane, her default behavior was to avoid discussions about deadlines, because they trigger her emotionally. Jane’s 360 assessment actually reinforced this as she got feedback from others that they were noticing this behavior (of course nobody had the courage to give her that feedback directly, but that’s a whole other conversation!).
The foundation of Emotional Intelligence is self-awareness. During the training program, Jane came to realize that the reason she wasn’t holding people accountable (a behavior she knew she was supposed to do), was because she was afraid that the people on her team would get upset, and that they wouldn’t like her. Avoiding conflict and needing acceptance from others are fundamental emotional needs we all have.
Gaining this awareness made a huge difference for Jane as it explained to her why she had not been able to hold her people accountable effectively. Jane learned techniques she could use to soothe her emotions and stop herself from moving toward her default behavior of avoiding these discussions.
With the coaching, she was able to identify low risk situations where she could practice stepping into tough conversations, even when she felt uncomfortable. She was eventually able to learn to manage her emotions (her fear of conflict and wanting to be liked) so that she could step in and have those really tough conversations with people who were not meeting deadlines.
If you want to gain self-awareness of what emotions are driving your behaviors, you can start by asking yourself some of these questions:
- When you are feeling emotionally triggered, what specifically was the trigger (a person, a situation, etc)
- In the moment when you felt triggered, what were you thinking to yourself
- What emotions may be affecting you? e.g. not feeling valued or respected, being disappointed, feeling criticized, needing to be right, etc.
If you can figure out what emotions are driving your behaviors – as Jane did - you have made a big first step in getting to a higher level of performance
Are you managing yourself, your team and the people around you for behavior without looking for the underlying emotions? I know I was only managing behaviors ten years ago, and by doing so, I was missing the biggest piece of the people-puzzle!
Bill Benjamin
CEO
Institute for Health and Human Potential IHHP
Emotions Drive Behavior Emotional Intelligence Training - To learn more about this author, visit Bill Benjamin's Website.
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Emotions Drive Behavior
Recently, we were designing a training program at the Institute for Health and Human Potential, and we began our meeting as we always do - by asking ourselves the question:
“What do we want people to be able to do differently after the program?”
It’s interesting that no matter what kind of program we design, and no matter the methods we use (training, assessment, coaching, e-learning, etc), the answer almost always goes like this: “We want people to better understand and manage the emotions that drive their own behavior and the behavior of others.”
This really is the basic foundation of Emotional Intelligence - the notion of emotions driving behavior. Most leaders and individuals that we work with don’t understand this (I used to be one of them) and they focus on observing and managing behaviors. For example, we worked with a leader - lets call her Jane - who was not doing well at holding her people accountable to deadlines. Her boss had spent considerable time explaining to her why it’s important to do this (which it is) and how to do it (i.e. the behavior).
But Jane was still struggling with it. She was fortunate enough to have attended an Emotional Intelligence program that included a 360 degree assessment, training and follow up coaching. During the training, Jane learned that we all have certain triggers – things that cause us to have an emotional reaction and trigger our innate “fight of flight” response. This limits our capacity to think clearly and causes us to move to default behaviors that may no be skillful or effective. Here are some default behaviors you might see (and experience yourself!)
• Someone get defensive when they feel criticized
• Avoiding difficult conversations (as Jane did)
• A person gives in to a strongly worded demand when they really don’t want to
• Someone becomes controlling and directive when they are feeling overwhelmed
• A person “shuts down” and becomes quiet when there is conflict in a meeting
These are examples of emotional reactions that can force us into unskillful default behaviors. For Jane, her default behavior was to avoid discussions about deadlines, because they trigger her emotionally. Jane’s 360 assessment actually reinforced this as she got feedback from others that they were noticing this behavior (of course nobody had the courage to give her that feedback directly, but that’s a whole other conversation!).
The foundation of Emotional Intelligence is self-awareness. During the training program, Jane came to realize that the reason she wasn’t holding people accountable (a behavior she knew she was supposed to do), was because she was afraid that the people on her team would get upset, and that they wouldn’t like her. Avoiding conflict and needing acceptance from others are fundamental emotional needs we all have.
Gaining this awareness made a huge difference for Jane as it explained to her why she had not been able to hold her people accountable effectively. Jane learned techniques she could use to soothe her emotions and stop herself from moving toward her default behavior of avoiding these discussions.
With the coaching, she was able to identify low risk situations where she could practice stepping into tough conversations, even when she felt uncomfortable. She was eventually able to learn to manage her emotions (her fear of conflict and wanting to be liked) so that she could step in and have those really tough conversations with people who were not meeting deadlines.
If you want to gain self-awareness of what emotions are driving your behaviors, you can start by asking yourself some of these questions:
- When you are feeling emotionally triggered, what specifically was the trigger (a person, a situation, etc)
- In the moment when you felt triggered, what were you thinking to yourself
- What emotions may be affecting you? e.g. not feeling valued or respected, being disappointed, feeling criticized, needing to be right, etc.
If you can figure out what emotions are driving your behaviors – as Jane did - you have made a big first step in getting to a higher level of performance
Are you managing yourself, your team and the people around you for behavior without looking for the underlying emotions? I know I was only managing behaviors ten years ago, and by doing so, I was missing the biggest piece of the people-puzzle!
Bill Benjamin
CEO
Institute for Health and Human Potential IHHP
Emotions Drive Behavior Emotional Intelligence Training - To learn more about this author, visit Bill Benjamin's Website.
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John BrennanJohn Brennan Ed.D. Dr. Brennan is President of Interpersonal Development, LLC, a training and development firm. Interpersonal Development has provided sales training and coaching to more than 3,000 sales reps from over 100 companies. A native of Australia, Dr. Brennan received his doctorate from the University of Rochester. His dissertation researched the effectiveness of Behavioral Modeling Technology in training people in interpersonal skills. While he has spent most of his career designing or delivering training, he was also a Vice-President of Sales of a training and development franchise with operations in 25 markets. Dr. Brennan has designed and delivered sales training in North America, Asia, Europe, Australia and the Middle East. He has been a guest speaker at numerous national and regional professional conferences. When Microsoft wanted Best Practices articles on sales for their web site, they called Dr. Brennan. The results are at http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/FX011387391033.aspx His firm’s clients have included Volvo, The Prudential, Merrill Lynch, Eastman Kodak, Gannett, Equifax Europe, the Economist Group and countless small businesses. - Visit John Brennan's Website |
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Cheryl MatthynssensCheryl is a life skills coach, licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor and a 20 year entrepreneur. Cheryl's dedication to achieving a life of balance led to her expanding her teaching from the simple managing of life's daily challenges to adding financial well being as well. A direct marketer with DrinkACT, she is gaining ground in the online community with her concepts of making sure business owners, entreprenuers and employees have well rounded life styles. She opened up a small affiliate site - The Balance Guide- to help others find resources for mental and emotional well being. Visit Cheryl's blog to see more of the diversity beyond business she has began offering online at www.thebalanceguide.blogspot.com - Visit Cheryl Matthynssens's Website |
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Linda RichardsonLinda Richardson is the Founder and Executive Chairwoman of Richardson, a global sales training and performance improvement company. As a recognized leader in the industry, she has won the coveted Stevie Award for Lifetime Achievement in Sales Excellence and she was identified by Training Industry, Inc. as one of the “Top 20 Most Influential Training Professionals.” Ms. Richardson is credited with the movement to Consultative Selling and is the author of ten books on selling and sales management, including Sales Coaching — Making the Great Leap from Sales Manager to Sales Coach, and Stop Telling, Start Selling. She teaches sales and management at the Wharton Graduate School of the University of Pennsylvania and the Wharton Executive Development Center. Linda is a frequent speaker at industry and client conferences, has been published extensively in industry and training journals, and has been featured in numerous publications, including The Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Nation’s Business, Selling Power, Success, and The Conference Board Magazine. Learn more about Richardson's sales training and performance improvement solutions at http://www.richardson.com web - Visit Linda Richardson's Website |
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Kim CastleWith nearly two decades in the advertising and design business, with clients like Domino's Pizza, General Motors, Direct TV, Pedigree, Wolfgang Puck, Higher Octave Music, Hollywood Celebrity Products, Disney, and Paramount, as well as thousands of entrepreneurs around the world define, structure, communicate, and position their business for greater profits, BrandU(R) co-creators Kim Castle and W. Vito Montone discovered that entrepreneurs could experience the same power that big brands command for a fraction of the cost with the world's only process-based results-drive Integral approach to business creation. BrandU(R) is helping entrepreneurs grow with the power of extreme clarity from idea...to brand...to market(TM) and helping one million entrepreneurs become successful and whole so that they can make a difference in the world. Are you one of them? If you want to experience clarity all the way to the bank(TM), get started now at http://www.brandu.com. - Visit Kim Castle's Website |
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David AchesonDavid Acheson is the founder of DCJA Consultancy. DCJA Consultancy is a management consultancy business specialising in B2B sales consultancy. They offer bespoke and packaged sales consultancy including Sales Optimisation Review, Interim Sales Management, Sales & Marketing Review, 1:1 Sales & Management Staff Analysis, Management Training, Solution Sales Training, Creation of New Pay Plan, KPI's, run Customer Feedback Campaigns, assist with Recruitment, Coaching, Appraisals and set up Strategic Marketing Campaigns. David spent his early career in accountancy and then moved into sales in 1982, working in Office Equipment, IT, Advertising, Training, Outsourcing and Consultancy. He has held many Senior Positions in SMBs and Global Organisations including Head of Sales Operations & Head of Business Development. His knowledge, skills and great experience of the Sales Industry has led to David making keynote speeches and running educational sessions to key businesses through organisations including The Chamber of Commerce and Business Link. - Visit David Acheson's Website |
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John AlexanderJohn has taught keyword research and SEO skills to small groups of business owners and Webmasters from over 80 different countries world wide since 2002. John is also the Director of Search Engine Academy ; Co-director of Training at Search Engine Workshops offering live, SEO Workshops with his partner SEO educator Robin Nobles, author of the very first comprehensive online search engine marketing courses at SEO Training Online and the SEO Workshop Resource Center. I look forward to hearing from you! - Visit John Alexander's Website |
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Staging DivaDebra Gould, aka The Staging Diva®, is President of Six Elements Inc., an internationally recognized home staging company. Inspired by many requests from aspiring home stagers wanting to start similar businesses, Gould created the Staging Diva Home Staging Business Training Program. Gould has trained over 1000 Staging Diva Graduates worldwide to start staging businesses. Buying decorating and selling six of her own homes in four years lead to an interest in real estate staging which she turned into a career with the launch of sixelements.com in 2002. Since then she has staged hundreds of homes in addition to teaching home staging training. Gould is the author of several home staging resources including a series of popular ebooks made up of a Design Guide, Color Guide and Portfolio Guide. For more information about Debra Gould visit stagingdiva.com. - Visit Staging Diva's Website |
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Leanne Hoagland-SmithAre your sales where you want them to be? Will you be one of the few who achieves sales or business success or one of the many who have failed to change? Are you tired of being told you are like everyone else? Then you may find my first book on sales of interest. Be the Red Jacket in the Sea of Gray Suits, The Keys to Unlocking Sales available at Amazon or at http://www.processspecialist.com/red-jacket.htm. This book is a reflection of my no-nonsense approach to improving sales to overall business results. If you are truly committed to making sustainable changes, then I can help you secure a positive return on your investment because I focus on executable solutions not telling you the problems you already know you have. From training to corporate (group) coaching to executive one on one coaching, my approach is to assess, create awareness, build a goal driven action plan and then execute. The bottom line question is "Not do you or your employees know it, but do you or they want to do it?" Please call for a free strategy session at 219.759.5601. - Visit Leanne Hoagland-Smith's Website |
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