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What is There About You that You dont Want Anyone to Know

Written by: Deborah Baker-Receniello

Article Overview: A Shadow Belief is the unconscious belief that influences our entire lives, tell us what we can and cannot do, while driving our behaviors. What is the result of turning our backs on our dark side-- A life only half lived. Dreams that are never realized, or worse, that lay buried under years of resignation and shame. The shadow is the keeper of all the aspects that we dislike and the qualities that we judge as unacceptable. Most of us are convinced that we are flawed and inadequate so we become masters of disguise, and go to great lengths to hide our bad qualities from those around us – even from ourselves.

What is There About You that You dont Want Anyone to Know

What is There About You that You don’t Want Anyone to Know?

Do you give away your power? Do you pretend to be cute or sweet when you know you are really tough and smart? As a woman do you pretend to be easily persuaded and understanding when you are really are determined and can produce results?
A Shadow Belief is the unconscious belief that influences our entire lives, tell us what we can and cannot do, while driving our behaviors. What is the result of turning our backs on our dark side-- A life only half lived. Dreams that are never realized, or worse, that lay buried under years of resignation and shame. The shadow is the keeper of all the aspects that we dislike and the qualities that we judge as unacceptable. Most of us are convinced that we are flawed and inadequate so we become masters of disguise, and go to great lengths to hide our bad qualities from those around us – even from ourselves.
The shadow wears many faces: not worthy, unlovable, not good enough, shame, anger, critical, fearful, lazy, controlling, selfish, weak, or pathetic. Most of us expend huge amounts of energy trying to get rid of or control these unwanted aspects of ourselves. What we resist persists – and we will create and attract from others that which we most dislike in ourselves. We have to be willing to step into the darkness in order to own it, acknowledge it and begin to heal the pain, fear, shame, perceived sins of the past that lurk in the shadows.
In business, as well as in life, being a fraud diminishes who you are and what you want to accomplish. Here are some examples of what I hear:
· Sometimes I pretend I don’t know, and others want to help me, especially when I work with men. I feel my ideas are not as important and I am not good enough.
· I am terrified someone will discover I don’t have a clue about what I’m doing.
· Since I’m just starting, I have to fake it, until I make it. I promise I can do anything to get hired and it’s all new to me. I’m terrified I can’t. I’m terrified that I am not as successful, yet.
· If they knew the truth, they would not want to work with me. I’m supposed to have the answers and help others. I’m not supposed to have problems.
· If I show that I am smart, strong or powerful, they (men) will call me bitchy, controlling or demanding. I won’t fit in.
· Being a southern girl, I was taught to be polite and wait my turn. Sometimes in meetings, I don’t speak. I wait my turn. Next thing I know, the meeting is over.
How to identify what beliefs are holding you back? Somewhere in your life you made a decision about yourself. It may have been by the time you were five or six years old. Perhaps some authority figure made a comment to you and you bought it. You made a judgment about yourself and it has been driving your life ever since. It is so powerful that you believe that you are it and not your true, beautiful essence. The comment could be—“you are just like your dad, I’m sorry you got the fat gene, you have no creativity, stupid, you know that’s not real.”

Ø Think about your childhood and see if you can identify a situation where you made a judgment because of some circumstance. When I was in the first grade, my teacher told me I had no imagination. Imagine the impact that had on me. I made a judgment that I wasn’t good enough.
Ø Ask people around you, what do you see that holds me back? Think about what you are good with and look at the opposite. I love to tell stories and use metaphors, ignite imagination in others because I was overcompensating not being imaginative.
Ø Think about what you see in other people that you really dislike or pushed your buttons. Whatever that trait is, that is what is inside us.
Ø Do not judge your discovery good or bad, remember this is the thinking of a child and now as an adult, you will realize that the belief isn’t real.
Ø Realize how this belief has limited you or held you back
Acknowledge that this is a part of you and as you become more and more aware of its presence, it diminishes. My example: If I don’t feel good enough, I could say I’m writing a book and it will never manifest in the world because it is not good enough and never will be. It could take years to write. If I acknowledge that I am an extraordinary essence with imagination and the ability to express myself confidently, then I realize that ‘not good enough’ is an aspect or illusion I created to keep me from doing what I really want to do. This actually happened to me. I was in the middle of my new book and I froze. I couldn’t write. I couldn’t meet the deadline. I found every excuse I could not to finish. Then I discovered my shadow side, not good enough and a fraud. Of course writing a book would really made this true, right--Of course not! If I know the book is good enough and can help others, then my shadow side or insecurity trying to prevent me has no chance at all in stopping me. It then becomes a game. I can laughingly say, “oh, that’s just my insecurity showing up and I can move forward now.” When you do this, you will be energized and passionate. I finished my first draft in three weeks, writing only two hours each evening.
The aspect of you that has fears, limiting beliefs, and desires to control, is your dark or shadow side, not because it is bad but because it is cut off from purpose, your heart’s expression. It lives in fear and the heaviness of false beliefs instead of the energy of love and truth. Enlightenment is being in light of truth. When you release your fears and false beliefs, your energy lightens and become electric and dynamic.
Today, on a frosty February morning I find myself peering through the iced covered window. As the sun’s rays melt the glistening mosaic patterns of perceived illusion, I find the magnificence of a hopeful, more beautiful landscape.
From the little girl pushed to be great in academia – to the young girl feeling not good enough and a fraud, knowing it’s not all intellect—to the young woman seeking more, finding spirit and a different love, and integrating experience –to the maturing woman mastering oneness. I now choose to stay the course with my guideposts in place without limitations.

Find out what really frightens you about being honest. What do you think will happen if you get ‘caught’? Practice with other businesswomen about your situation and ask them to do the same with you. Stop settling for less. Stop pretending that everything is just fine, and let others know how you feel and stop pretending. Know that it is rare that anyone is completely OK. Envision your own model of success!
Scarcity thinkers see the cup as half empty
Positive thinkers see the cup as half full
People in abundance see the cup as overflowing
People who are living their greatness are the cup…Where are you?
Now, as Ram Dass, told me when I met him at Stanford University, even though we become enlightened we still have to do the laundry!

Deborah Baker-Receniello is CEO of DBR Life Strategies & Business Coach, Inc. She authored: “Why It Works! The Science Behind Manifesting Everything You Desire”. ”Play a Bigger Game! Proven Strategies to Design and grow Your Successful Small Business” premieres in 2006. She is a noted speaker, author, workshop leader and facilitator. If you are serious about playing a bigger game contact Deborah to assist you design and grow yourself personally and your businesses, attracting more clients and making more money. www.dbrlifecoach.com or email: deborah@dbrlifecoach.com

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