Tweet

Strength In Being Human

Guest post by: Julie Donley

Article Overview: An article of 1349 words focusing on sharing your story and your pain with another individual so you can connect more deeply with others and develop richer, more rewarding relationships.

Strength In Being Human

“I am seen as a pillar of strength. I was brought up this way. I don’t show my emotions or to talk about the bad stuff going on in my life. When people ask how I’m doing, I say, ‘I’m fine.’ As a nurse, I am always there for others. I don’t want to have to ask for help or lean on others for support. I always thought of this as a sign of weakness.”

This was a statement made recently by a client who is going through a pretty rough time in her life. Does it sound familiar to you? Do you also believe it’s “weak” to show emotion or to talk about the “bad stuff” going on? What might you be afraid of?

Many people complain about their lot in life. They go on and on telling long stories about what they’re going through. The difference here is that these people are coming from a place of victimhood and are often seeking attention or sympathy. When you listen to their tales, there’s a lot of drama, often whining and self-pity, and as the listener, you might feel uncomfortable and not know what to do or say. So when things are going rough in your life, you keep it to yourself for fear of sounding like the moaning Myrtle.

Sometimes, you minimize your issue or problem. “It’s not so bad.” The little voice in your head tells you that other people have bigger problems and they don’t need to hear yours. Or that voice might have you believe that you are not worthy to share your problems; that people don’t need to hear what you are going through. Perhaps you’ve been taught to believe that you are supposed to handle all of your problems by yourself; like my client, you received the message that it’s weak or wrong to ask for help or to share your feelings. Or perhaps you believe that you are the only one who feels the way you do and that something must be wrong with you.

Health care professionals in particular are at risk for falling into this trap because they care for others all day. Their problems may seem small compared to people who are dealing with pain and death. But the reality is that your feelings are just as important to you as someone else’s feelings are to them. Your pain is your pain and it’s not to be compared to another’s pain.

Is it strength then to be closed up and not share your feelings with another? You might fear that others will discover you are human mistakenly thinking that “being human” equates to being “weak”. But holding it all in keeps you stressed out, hiding, and alone. You cannot run from the pain that exists within you. Holding back and holding onto your pain only keeps you in pain longer and makes the pain more pronounced.

The story itself is not what we are concerned with here. “The story itself can be distracting. The story is the shield that keeps you from you-from your Truth. It’s not strength to hold onto the story; that only keeps you in pain and keeps you struggling for answers.” (from “The Journey Called YOU: A Roadmap to Self-Discovery and Acceptance”) The story is your way in to discover and assess all of the emotions you are experiencing as you go through whatever it is you are going through. We all have stories to tell. It’s not the story but how we feel about what is happening to us, what we learn from the experience, and how we grow as a result that is important.

When you do share your story and your pain with another, what you find is that people can relate to you. They listen intently. They are thrilled that you shared and often will have a story of their own to share that lets you know you’re not alone and gives you hope. Hey, if they got through it, so can you! You don’t always know what to do with your pain regarding the problem. Just processing your feelings by talking about them helps you work through them and after, you feel relieved.












You might fear sharing your pain with someone who ridicules, judges, or tries to fix you or the problem. Often people have been hurt in the past by telling the wrong people their stories or their pain and in doing so were rebuffed. You might have heard things like, “Oh quit your complaining/whining.” Or “That’s nothing! What happened to me was…” What messages have you heard when you have made other attempts to share the pain of your story?

People want to be able tell their story to someone who will listen without trying to correct, fix, or take away their pain. Sometimes, it’s simply about sharing the pain with someone who can empathize with you and help you be with the pain. Have you ever tried to share your story with someone who jumped right in to try to fix things for you, give you their opinion or advice, or tell you how you should feel? How did it feel when this happened? Did you feel connected to them? Have you ever done this to someone else who wanted to just be heard?

When you open up to someone, you are able to connect with that person on a deeper level. You connect as human beings. When you refuse to open up, although you might see yourself as a pillar of strength, you are viewed as different, unfeeling, and all-powerful which places you on a different plane than the rest of us. We know you’re human but there is no way for us to connect with your humanness if you refuse to allow your humanness out.

My client admitted, “I shared my story and my pain with my dad who had no idea of what I was going through. I also shared with a friend and she still thinks highly of me. She still likes me. She even shared a story of the worst time in her life. I didn’t know that she had gone through that.” By sharing our own humanity with others, we open the door for others to share as well. As we let down the walls of resistance that keep us separate and alone, the other person is free to do the same.

Pain, like anything else including happiness, is transient. It too will pass. When you ignore your pain, it remains with you until you are ready, willing, and able to acknowledge it. What you resist persists. Once acknowledged, you are able then to move through the pain and learn from it. But like everything else in life, when we share our experiences with others, life becomes more meaningful and enjoyable. If there is something you are holding onto, find someone safe and share. You will feel so much lighter, freer, and more at peace. And you will connect more deeply with the person you share with.

Related Articles
  Human and Physical Capital: The Effects of Human Capital on Economic Development
  Article #46 What Do Leaders Strive Everyday For?
  If Nature Castigates Those Who Don’t Masticate, Could It Also Misshape Midriffs of Those Without Knife and Forklifts?
  Discovering Your True Self-Worth
  Getting to the Middle of it: Building a Business From its Core

Article Tags: bad stuff, emotion, emotions, fear, feelings, health care professionals, listener, little voice, moaning myrtle, nurse, pillar, risk, rough time, self pity, sympathy, victimhood



Related Forum Posts
Re: your personality type? - Hi Michelle! If you are the present-moment focused, this is your result. If it doesn't seem spot on, I'll give you the big-picture focused result. The Enjoyer of Life. You enthusiastically enjoy experiencing the five senses, creative pursuits and social harmony in the here-and-now. You are independent, socially upbeat, and enjoy creating a positive and happy atmosphere. Despite your outgoing “persona,” you are a private person and few people truly know you well). #1 Strength: Comfort Creator #2 Strength: Expressing Social Feeling 1) Comfort Creator -- Creating a comfortable physical environment. Feels the ?ve senses vividly. Adept at using objects, or ?nding or building objects, to make a physical space the most soothing to all ?ve senses. Also organizing so objects are easily found in a convenient way. Both the physical comfort of self, and others, is important. Often feel a need to ensure those close to them are warm enough, fed, rested, etc. Will easily offer help to others in these areas, lending a jacket, or offering a snack. 2) Expressing Social Feeling Setting an emotional tone, vibrant, energetic, or serious, etc. Concerned with the emotional environment as it?s happening -- the vibe of people at a party, the tone of a situation, other people?s responses. Setting the tone -- dramatic and serious, or lighthearted and a celebration. Emotional displays are important for knowing how others are feeling, whether bad or good. Someone talking in a monotone about feelings seems insincere. Feels should be shown, so they can be read by others. Your best type would be: The Conceptualizer. You are an inventive creator of logical systems of possibilities that you use to create processes, products or strategies. Socially, you are sometimes quiet, but also find yourself acting as the life of the party, especially when you get caught up in a debate or entertaining topic of conversation. #1 Strength: Generating Future Possibilities #2 Strength: Systematic/Rule Logic
HRPreneur - Hi everyone, I am new to the forum and I recently started my own Human Capital (HR) consulting firm called HRPreneur Inc. HRP focuses on making human capital a strategic differentiator for SME's. Below is a summary about HRP; Who We Are: HRP is a Human Capital consulting firm with 30 years of experience that becomes an extension of your company by providing a full array of services to help you create a highly engaged workforce focused on achieving strategic results in order to build a long lasting great company! Mission: HRP provides small and medium sized businesses a Strategic HR Business Partner to increase employee engagement, resulting in cost savings, increased productivity and results at an affordable rate! Vision: To inspire and warrant SME's reach their full competency! Cost Effectiveness: We provide over 30 years of experience at a fraction of the cost at a strategic executive HR business level You will save between 50% to 60% in costs per year on salary, bonus, benefits, training, office space alone We will provide you additional cost efficiencies through our services Services: • Strategic Human Resources Planning • Organizational Redesign • Change Management • Organizational Culture Development • Employee Engagement Programs • Leadership Assessment and Development • Compensation Design • Talent Acquisition • Assimilation and On-Boarding • Performance Management • Talent Management & Succession Planning • Human Resources Due Diligence • Human Resources Audit • Full Service HR Outsourcing
Re: your personality type? - Hi Zac, If you're on the fence about 2 and 3, I'd think more about them. Big picture people tend to be oblivious to the detail of what is happening NOW -- the colors on a restaurant wall, the layout of someone's apartment, the color of people's shirts at a party, etc. They instead notice the "theme" -- an upscale restaurant (who knows what color), casual shirts at a party (not sure what style), etc. A "trendy" apartment, but who knows where the bathroom was. Gut feeling people tend to act w/o all the facts, and are comfortable following that instinct. "Thinker" people will choose something even if they HATE it, just because it "makes sense." Where as that makes no sense to a gut person. Thinkers are more "black and white" where as gut instinct feelers are more "gray area" people. But going with your selections... 1. Within 2. Big Picture 3. Gut Feeling 4. Spontaneous The Reflective Seeker of Truth. You are a passionate searcher of big-picture meaning and strive to help others with your empathetic listening skills. Socially, you are usually quiet, but can be a social butterfly when you feel like it, though it can be draining to do so for too long. You have a very silly and goofy side, enjoy people and need time to quietly reflect #1 Strength: Predicting Future Likelihoods #2 Strength: Expressing Social Feeling Predicting Future Likelihoods Predicting what is likely to happen, based on past events, themes, or what has historically been true. Deciding what will happen, based on past events. These predictions are usually spoken with con?dence and certainty. A thread or common idea is drawn from the past, and these ideas are used to decide what will happen in the future. Authorities and past situations are extremely important for deciding what will happen in the future. Expressing Social Feeling Setting an emotional tone, vibrant, energetic, or serious, etc. Concerned with the emotional environment as it?s happening -- the vibe of people at a party, the tone of a situation, other people?s responses. Setting the tone -- dramatic and serious, or lighthearted and a celebration. Emotional displays are important for knowing how others are feeling, whether bad or good. Someone talking in a monotone about feelings seems insincere. Feels should be shown, so they can be read by others. If that is your type, your #1 match would be... The Strong-Willed Go-Getter. You are a bold sculptor of the here-and-now in order to achieve immediate results following a logical system for making decisions. You add a fun, upbeat vibe to social events and are often the most gregarious person in the room. #1 Strength: Commander of Physical Space #2 Strength: Systematic/Rule Logic
Re: Make Friends...Literally BUILD them! - It's the "prequel " to the Battlestar Galactica TV show. It's how Robots became "Human" and took over the world. Great Show
New topics - Thanks Evan. A Human Resources section would be great. Information and templates for hiring the right people, training, retention ( always an interesting an useful topic), conducting performance appraisals, information on discipline and documentation, conflict resolution, exit interview information, etc. This would be really useful because most small companies don't have set HR guidelines/policies. Thanks!


Share this article with your friends. Fund someone's dream.

Leave a comment below or share on the left and you'll help support entrepreneurs in Africa through our partnership with Kiva. Over $50,000 raised and counting - Please keep sharing! Learn more.

Tweet

Newsletter

Get advice & tips from famous business
owners, new articles by entrepreneur
experts, my latest website updates, &
special sneak peaks at what's to come!

Name:
Email:

Popular Articles

Are You Fulfilled

Do You Deserve To Be Happy and Successful?

Civility in the Workplace---Is it Decreasing?

Suggestions

Email us your ideas on how to make our
website more valuable! Thank you Sharon
from Toronto Salsa Lessons / Classes for
your suggestions to make the newsletter
look like the website and profile younger
entrepreneurs like Jennifer Lopez.