Three Steps To Befriending Your Mind

During our conversation, Jim mentioned how he’d love to someday learn to fly a plane and then without stopping for air, stated that it’s too expensive, he wouldn’t know where to begin, and therefore, didn’t think it would happen in this lifetime.

Have you ever done that: talk yourself out of something before you had even given the dream the opportunity to take flight? Most of us have. We make excuses as to why we cannot possibly be happy, cannot have the things we want, and why things never seem to be as we want them to be. What else does your mind do to keep you from happiness, from pursuing your dreams, and from living your life to the fullest?

What goes on in the privacy of your own mind? Often it can be a very scary place to visit. In recovery from addictions, it is said, “Never go upstairs without adult supervision.” The mind is not a good place to visit alone or without direction. We are negative—about ourselves, others, and our position in life. We never seem to be content just where we are. We doubt ourselves and act out of some sense of obligation rather than desire, and focus on what pleases others rather than what pleases ourselves. And because of these thoughts and the actions that follow, we don’t trust ourselves to act in our own best interest.

Somehow, you’ve learned to put yourself down, beat yourself up, and question who you are in relation to the person you should be. This perfect “Self” is elusive because it’s based on what you think other people think you should be. It’s never who you are now. It’s utterly impossible to achieve this because no matter what you do, you always think you should be doing something else, leaving you unsatisfied and unfulfilled.

Your mind, if left on its own devices, will run amuck. There is an affinity for listening to and believing the negatives. There is some part of your ego that either feeds on the negatives, savoring the generation of more distrust and self-loathing, or the pendulum is swung too far to the humble side so you are unable to see and accept the positives. Either way, your inner environment is not being nice to you!

The good news is that there is a way to control this inner mess and no matter how positive you are, how many self-help books you read, how much work you do on yourself, there is always room for improvement. The more aware you are of what goes on “upstairs,” the more you can learn to recognize the negatives and choose to think differently. Each of us has an inner world that requires some degree of attention and mastery. The more you align your mind to be a supportive environment, the easier it will be for you to fly—to do what you love, enjoy yourself along the way, and create a meaningful life experience. There are three simple—yet critical—steps to befriending your mind.

Step One: Become the observer of your thoughts. You will have thousands of thoughts every day. Which ones are you paying attention to? Your thoughts influence your actions. What thoughts are you thinking? Are they helpful or hurtful? Are they moving you in the direction of your happiness or into stress and struggle? By learning to observe your thoughts, you can learn to choose which thoughts to listen to.

Step Two: Separate yourself from your thoughts. You are not your thoughts. Your mind is a tool given to you for your use. Part of your responsibility is to understand your mind and the way you think and learn to maximize your mind so that it can serve you well.

Step Three: Choose your thoughts wisely. If you are not your thoughts and if you can notice when your thoughts start running amuck, then you can stop and choose which thoughts to pay attention to. You can choose to spend your day listening to the positive and encouraging thoughts rather than the negative, berating ones.

The reality is that if your mind is a friend, then you will think your way into success — whatever that success looks like for you. It could be a new car, a new relationship, a better relationship with your spouse, a better job, more financial position, or improved health.

Your thoughts create your reality because you listen to them all day long. Thoughts determine your actions and actions over time produce your results. With you in charge, you can change the direction of your life and bring more happiness your way.

Mastering your mind, like anything worthwhile, takes time and attention. Just remember, you needn’t go upstairs alone.

Three Steps To Befriending Your Mind - To learn more about this author, visit Juli Fuimano's Website.

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