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How to Build Strong Relationhips

How to Build Strong Relationhips

In my work as an executive coach, I have found that interpersonally competent people share at least three things in common:

1. Interpersonally competent people are self aware. They understand themselves, and as a result they understand others.
2. Interpersonally competent people build solid, long lasting mutually beneficial relationships with the people in their lives.
3. Interpersonally competent people are able to resolve conflicts with a minimal amount of problems and upset to relationships.

In this article, I’d like to focus on relationships. To begin, I’d like to share a story about the importance of relationships.

A few months ago, I had a meeting with a potential client. I have known this guy for about 20 years. He was a new HR rep at the company where I worked prior to starting my consulting and coaching business. Now, he is a senior HR person with that same company and I am an executive coach.

A few weeks previous, we had a chance meeting. I followed up and asked if I could have a few minutes of his time to tell him what I’ve been doing recently. He said “sure”.

As we were chatting, he said something that really hit home. “When I was a young guy here, a lot of the people at your level didn’t pay a lot of attention to me. That wasn’t true of you. You were nice to me. I can remember you asking me if I’d like to go to lunch or dinner a few times. I was never able to make it, but I really appreciated you asking. Quite frankly, that’s the whole reason you’re here now. You treated me well many years ago when you didn’t have to.”
I told him that I really didn’t remember those things. He said, “I do, and they meant a lot to me.”

There is a common sense point here. Interpersonal competence comes from within. Build relationships, and treat people well because it’s the right thing to do – not because you have something to gain from it. People can spot a phony a mile away.

Here are some thoughts to help you become more interpersonally competent. If you use them, you will be able to build strong, lasting relationships with the people around you.

• Work hard at relating well with all kinds of people. People who are different from you, might make you feel uncomfortable at first. However, they also have the potential for teaching you something you didn’t know.
• Listen well and demonstrate your understanding of others’ points of view. As questions if you don’t understand, repeat your understanding to make sure you got it right.
• Be a consensus builder. If you focus on where you agree with another person, you’ll find that it will be easier to resolve differences and come to agreement.
• Learn how to relate to all kinds of people. Focus on building mutually beneficial relationships.
• Put others at ease. Be diplomatic and tactful.
• Be warm, pleasant and gracious and sensitive to the interpersonal needs and anxieties of others.
• Be receptive to feedback.
• Take a deep breath when you are angry. Don’t blow up. Present your side of things in a measured tone of voice.
• Take responsibility for your feelings. Don’t blame others if you are unhappy.
• Be easy to get to know. Share your feelings. Be open about your personal beliefs.
• Be attentive to the needs of others. Listen actively. Set a goal of listening twice as much as you speak.
• Avoid judging and criticizing and preparing your response while the other person is speaking. Instead, focus on understanding what they are saying, and the emotions behind what they are saying.
• Show others the respect they deserve as human beings – listen to them and do your best to put yourself in their shoes. Respond to the feelings they share with you before responding with facts.
• Be humble, not a know it all. Apologize when you’re at fault. Give people credit when they are correct.
• Speak only when you have something to add to the conversation. Don’t make comments just to hear yourself speak. Don’t state the obvious.
• Look people in the eye when you are speaking with them. Ask questions to clarify things that are not clear to you.
• Acknowledge other people for their contributions and talents. Everyone likes to hear nice thing about themselves.

The common sense point here is simple, and a little zen-like. People can spot a phony. So, don’t just act in an interpersonally competent manner. Be interpersonally competent. Treat people with respect. Engage them. Listen to what they have to say. Avoid being judgmental and overly critical.





How to Build Strong Relationhips - To learn more about this author, visit Bud Bilanich's Website.

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Dianne Crampton
Dianne Crampton is an executive leadership coach, team consultant, author and president of TIGERS Success Series, Inc. Dianne has been helping CEO's and Executives connect their employees to their core values and goals for over 20 years using the trademarked TIGERS team culture process, which stands for trust, interdependence, genuineness, empathy, risk and success. To download a free white paper on behaviors that build strong teams and behaviors that will predictably tear them down go here. - Visit Dianne Crampton's Website

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Are your sales where you want them to be? Will you be one of the few who achieves sales or business success or one of the many who have failed to change? Are you tired of being told you are like everyone else? Then you may find my first book on sales of interest. Be the Red Jacket in the Sea of Gray Suits, The Keys to Unlocking Sales available at Amazon or at http://www.processspecialist.com/red-jacket.htm. This book is a reflection of my no-nonsense approach to improving sales to overall business results. If you are truly committed to making sustainable changes, then I can help you secure a positive return on your investment because I focus on executable solutions not telling you the problems you already know you have. From training to corporate (group) coaching to executive one on one coaching, my approach is to assess, create awareness, build a goal driven action plan and then execute. The bottom line question is "Not do you or your employees know it, but do you or they want to do it?" Please call for a free strategy session at 219.759.5601. - Visit Leanne Hoagland-Smith's Website


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Bud Bilanich
(Visit Bud's Website) Bud Bilanich, The Common Sense Guy, is an executive coach, motivational speaker, author and blogger. He is the Official Executive Coaching Guide at SelfGrowth.com. He helps his coaching clients succeed by applying their common sense. Dr. Bilanich is Harvard educated but has a no nonsense approach to his work to goes back to his roots in the steel country of Western Pennsylvania. His approach to career and life success is a result of over 35 years of business experience, 10 years of research and study of successful people and the application of common sense. He is the author of seven books, including Straight Talk for Success: Common Sense Ideas That Won’t Let You Down, where he presents his blueprint for career and life success: • Develop your self confidence. • Create positive personal impact. • Become an outstanding performer. • Become a dynamic communicator. • Become interpersonally competent. His clients include Pfizer, Glaxo SmithKline, Johnson and Johnson, Abbot Laboratories, PepsiCo, AT&T, Chase Manhattan Bank, Citigroup, General Motors, UBS, AXA Advisors, Cabot Corporation, The Aetna, PECO Energy, Olin Corporation, Minerals Technologies, The Boys and Girls Clubs of America and a number of small and family owned businesses. Bud is a cancer survivor and lives in Denver Colorado with his wife Cathy. He is a retired rugby player and an avid cyclist. He likes movies, live theatre and crime fiction.

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