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Your Thinking Creates Your Reality!
| Guest post by: Jim Smith |
Article Overview: Stuff happens – and then you make up reasons about why it happened, often creating a “story” that brings up all kinds of negative emotions. Change your story to change your reality.
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Free Download - Down Time is Productive Time By Jim Smith |
Your Thinking Creates Your Reality!
Events are just events. Stuff happens. That's it.
Then you make up reasons why it happened, and your "story" evokes an emotional response. The event is labeled good, bad, ugly, and you feel sadness, optimism, fear, anger, appreciation, frustration, concern...
Not from the event, but from your thinking about the event.
I recent had a coaching conversation in which the subject was betrayal. My client showed up in the coaching conversation with a bubbling stew of negative emotions. I coached her to step away from her story and consider other possibilities.
The Fact: Person "X" failed to keep a promise.
Interpretations:
- (the original story) X did it on purpose to hurt me. X is always trying to make me look bad. I'm gonna get back at X. (The path of rage and vengeance.)
- X let me down. I'm not ready for my big presentation because of X. This is going to be a disaster. (The path of betrayal and embarrassment.)
- This is not like X. I hope everything is OK with X. Maybe I should call X. (The path of concern/empathy.)
- X is unreliable. Why did I believe X would do as promised? I am such an idiot for believing X. I'm so bad at reading people. (The path of self-loathing.)
- I need to sit down with X and understand why this happened. I must renegotiate the promise. (The path to determination.)
- I know from past experience that X's promises are not meaningful. I was not really surprised when X did not deliver. (The path to acceptance.)
Notice how each "story" evokes different emotions and responses.
I was not saying that one story was ‘more true' than another. I simply invited my client to explore other possible stories and consider valid explanations other than the one that was keeping her emotional stew on a slow boil.
My client - after creating the above options - chose to pursue the path of determination. Instead of simmering in her office she sat down with X to express disappointment and then renegotiate ("What's it going to take to complete this by close of business tomorrow?"). Hanging on to her anger was hurting only her. X was blissfully unaware of the concern. When approached about the broken promise, X apologized and confessed to not realizing how important the project was.
In the end, much of my client's original story was fiction, and the emotional stew was self-cooked.
When you find yourself stewing in your own emotional juices, turn down the heat! Step out of the situation for a moment and consider other interpretations for the event. Select a different story that allows you more control of the situation. Let go of blaming the other person for your own emotional reaction.
Then take a deep breath. Remember, it's only your thinking that makes it good or bad. Change your thinking when you need to and have a happier day.
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Article Tags: control, emotion, interpretation, story
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About the Author: Jim Smith RSS for Jim's articles - Visit Jim's website Hi, I'm Jim Smith, PCC, The Executive Happiness Coach®. I have helped thousands of leaders and business owners to increase effectiveness at work AND live a happier, more balanced life. What I learned from working with leaders in 18 countries and across five continents is that the competencies needed for leadership success in today's world are universal - yet nobody seems to pay attention to them! That is why I work with smart, successful people like you, who secretly struggle with stress and overwhelm as you strive to succeed at the next level. I help you become a better leader AND dump the stress. My clients develop a more powerful personal presence as they improve the morale, teamwork, and outcomes in their organizations. To download a free report on the Ten Terrible Habits That Undermine Leadership Impact, visit http://www.TheExecutiveHappinessCoach.com. To learn how you can nurture those universal leadership competencies and create a less-stress leadership presence, contact me through my website. Click here to visit Jim's website   Advice for Happier Performance Appraisals Youre never too old to learn and grow I hope Remove Barriers to Happiness at Work Tell the Truth to Get Through Unhappy Times Increase Motivation by Using Questions to Lead Your Team |
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