How To Recapture The Optimism Of Youth

I wonder if it's because our thoughts are both so familiar and invisible that we don't always appreciate their serious effect.

Imagine that every negative thought we had was represented visually and stuck permanently right in front of our noses. Like pasting up a sheet of gloomy wallpaper each time we are down on ourselves. I bet we'd be shocked at how quickly we'd be living in the most depressing house!

That's why I like psychologist Martin Seligman's ABCDE model for developing a more optimistic outlook. It forces us to understand the consequences of our negative thoughts...and this slap-in-the face realisation is a powerful motivating force for change.

Here's an example of how Seligman's model works:

A stands for adversity. Identify an adverse or difficult situation

e.g. you don't like your job, but previous attempts to change career have been unsuccessful.

B listen for the beliefs you automatically have when the difficult situation occurs.

"I tried to change before and it didn't work. I'll never earn what I need to doing something I like. People can't have it all - no-one likes their job that much anyway." (note the black and white, all or nothing thinking - characteristic of negative beliefs).

C realise the consequences of those beliefs.

You don't try again. Or you try half-heartedly because you don't really believe there's a viable alternative - and that semi attempt naturally ends in another failure, affirming your original belief. Effectively, you accept the status quo for the rest of your life.

D stands for disputation. Dispute or argue with your negative belief, using logic and evidence.

"It's not true that no-one likes their jobs. My sister's flatmate does. So does that bloke I met at that party last week. So if it's possible for them, why not for me?

And why should one failure pre-determine the outcome of my next attempt? I must be able to draw lessons from that last experience that I can put to use this time.

As to the money, have I really properly investigated that or am I just assuming the worst? What are the facts?"
(Notice the use of evidence and logic)

E stands for the energy that you get when you dispute your negative belief successfully. Notice how much lighter, more energetic, and positive you feel.

In my view, the C in this model - consequences - is the crucial turning point. Without C, you're stuck expressing B, all those negative beliefs, in just another evening of moaning down the pub. But the problem is you're anaesthetised to it.

If we can steel ourselves to look the consequences of our negativity square in the face, the grimness of that picture forces us to adopt a more optimistic outlook, and act.