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Getting my beauty sleep between emails

Written by: Karole Sutherland

Article Overview: The ubiquity of email and our reliance on the web as an information source is well ingrained in our lives. We have little tolerance for slow servers and are easily frustrated when we can’t just hit ‘send’ with instant results. I recently had ample opportunity to sit and reflect on the speed of communication and how it’s changed so much in our lives. It was the change in rooms, however, that helped me change my point of view.

Getting my beauty sleep between emails

It's been a long time since I connected to the internet via dial-up. I'm used to instantaneous page-turns and seamless navigation between websites. A recent stay in a hotel had me reminiscing about the halcyon days of dial-up while waiting for web pages to load at glacial speed. I gave up on my email after counting to 27-one thousand- I just don't have the patience to wait minutes for my email to come in. The gracious hotel staff understood the difficulties and quickly assigned me to a new room. The thick adobe-style walls of the charming architecture were the problem; beautiful to look at but hopeless for transmitting wireless internet. My room was too far from the router for the wireless signal to reach my computer.

I happily packed my things and moved in exchange for the convenience of getting emails and browsing the web at what I consider 'normal' speeds. As promised, in my new room emails appeared in seconds and I was able to access information without taking a nap between page turns.

The experience made me wonder where else in our lives are we located too far from the router, slowing down information and frustrating others when messages don't get through. What thick walls have we built, that might look attractive and meet 'design' guidelines, but actually hinder our relationships by filtering our intended meaning?

Where might you be too far from the sources of information that help you effectively manage your responsibilities and relationships?

IDEAS YOU CAN USE

1. Get up close and personal: Giving and receiving direct feedback is one of the most difficult things to do well. We substitute with triangle conversations, complaining about the behavior of others in the hope that the listener will deliver our message for us. "Someone should tell Rebecca to refill the printer with paper after she uses it - she always leaves it empty." Anonymous feedback is how we tell our colleagues what we like and don't like about their performance despite our professed values of transparency. The real truth is we would all be better off if we had open, honest and direct conversations about the impact of our behavior on others, rather than relying on complied results from 360° evaluations. As Susan Scott explains in her marvellous book Fierce Leadership, "anonymous feedback rarely creates real or lasting impetus for change." By learning to give specific feedback in the moment we not only help others to improve their performance, we also inspire them by acknowledging all the wonderful things they do effectively, encouraging them to grow and develop.
2. Understand the real reality: As we become further removed from the source, the messages inevitably get modified, losing their meaning and their impact. In some instances we try to soften the blow, sandwiching our real message in between upbeat sound bites - the so-called feedback sandwich. In other conversations we hang so many verbal ornaments on our message the tree falls over under the weight of the metaphors and niceties. We need to get in the habit of describing our reality and then invite others to tell us about their reality while we listen attentively. With an understanding of both perspectives the solutions created will be based on what's really going on and are more likely to be successful.
3. Build relationships, personally. A recent article in the Wall Street Journal suggests that because we live in 'always-on' era, email is becoming as outdated as the snail-mail it replaced. Facebook and Twitter are changing the way we communicate by posting updates in real time, eliminating the need to wait for messages to be transmitted. While I don't think email is going to disappear anytime soon, I believe we should send fewer emails and take more opportunities to speak to each other in person or at the very least via phone. The impersonal nature of email and the propensity to misconstrue the meaning and intent of email messages is well known. Despite awareness that email is a thin medium with almost no ability to transmit emotion, an essential component for effective communication, it's become the default method in business. The only way to create effective relationships is through personal interaction; relationships are at the heart of leadership, organizational performance and human connectivity.

What walls should you eliminate to deepen relationships and communicate more effectively?

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Article Tags: anonymous feedback, charming architecture, colleagues, conversations, email, glacial speed, halcyon days, hotel staff, listener, patience, rebecca, router, seamless navigation, sources of information, taking a nap, thick walls, triangle, web pages, wireless internet, wireless signal



Related Forum Posts
Sleep needs - [quote:2fxfspfi]Military does that to you it seems, and it sticks with you lol.[/quote:2fxfspfi] I wish I only needed to sleep 4-6 hours a day. Heck, I wish I didn't have to sleep at all. I could accomplish so much more that way. I know Winston Churchill is famous for not sleeping much, especiallly during WWII, but I believe he took catnaps during the day... Which would never work for me... For myself, though, I need 8 hours a day at least. If I deprive myself of that it catches up to me and makes me sick... Supposedly they've done studies that kids don't get enough sleep, and there's plans afoot to move school times to later so they don't have to get up so early.... (I may be out of touch on that development as I have no kids and don't know if it ever went into effect...)
Re: When is your interest peaked by unsolicited mail? - The worth spammers are like the one I got today. They have no shame, they will subscribe to your newsletter and use it to reply and spam you. The subject line is usually "RE:your subject", I recognize my emails, and this just make me so angry, because I am opening these emails, maybe one of my readers need my help, and this "lady" today, saying thank you for a valuable info, and then writing more and more and some more on her business, and how she made money, when we know she didn't, otherwise why is she sending me spam? 4 emails like this, the same text, from the same person, replying to 4 emails sent by my autoresponder. I have other things to do with my time, like sleeping!
Re: What i hate... - [quote="Trent Brownrigg":3srgv506]It does suck when people don't reply to emails. However, you need to take into consideration that some of them probably get hundreds of emails per day that they would have to reply to if they replied to them all. And with all the spam these days it's easy for a legitimate email to get overlooked or lost. I'm sure more often than not they are just not replying because they don't want to but there are some good reasons that might be the case.[/quote:3srgv506] I agree with Trent on this point. Also I think a lot of emails are sent from auto responders and they are general ones that go out to everyone one on the list, so many of these don't require answers. It's true that I also don't open emails if they come from someone I don't know. Who know what kind of virus can be in there. MichelleJ
good rest tips - I generally can get good sleep most nights. As much as I don't like developing predictable routines, I have to say that getting to bed same time each night helps a bit. Insomnia seems to be affecting a lot of people these days. Plenty of exercise the day before does wonders for your sleep... If stress is the culprit, then I suggest listening to relaxing music before going to bed, learning meditation, and finding other ways to calm the busyness of the mind.
Re: Getting up earlier - Hi Julie, Great post, now that I have to put this into words it will look a bit sad but even if I am not engaged in IM activities which is rare, I still don’t go to bed much before midnight because I know that most nights I’m wasting my time.. When I do go to bed I struggle to get to sleep and when the alarm goes off at 6.00 I would kill for another hours sleep and then get annoyed with myself for not going to bed sooner. I think the problem with me is that if I am really involved with an article or posting or whatever, my mind is so active that I can’t just go to bed and switch off. I guess I am an insomniac in denial, I need help,LOL, regards, Mal.


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