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Mary Allen Articles

Written by: Mary Allen

The 5 Love Languages - Click To Read Article
People express and receive love in different ways. Dr. Gary Chapman identifies these as the five languages of love.

The DANGERS of Living UNCONSCIOUSLY - Click To Read Article
We can all relate to that "trance-like" state where we're going through the motions, not 100% there. We all have our favorite or habitual places to "check-out" and go unconscious. And, here's what I've found fascinating. When we bring our full-on, conscious attention to ANY aspect of our lives...it naturally falls into greater alignment with our highest ideals and dreams. Our lives WORK, and are more fulfilling when we're fully conscious. It's our lack of attention, our "unconsciousness" that is at the root of nearly everyone of our problems.

The Power of NOW during Chaos and Transformation: A Personal Story of Peace under Fire. - Click To Read Article
The first lesson in my book The Power of Inner Choice is "The Power of the NOW." In cultivating "living in the present," you are invited to identify current "practices" in your life...a practice being something that you do on a regular basis. For example, working out, showering, driving, listening to spouse, walking the dog, doing the dishes, eating, sex...are all examples of practices -- to turn into NOW Practices. The idea being, as we consciously cultivate "being present" when it's EASY, during a task we already have mastered, we naturally become more present throughout our lives.

Selfless Contribution - Click To Read Article
Contributing is the act of GIVING one's energy for the good of another, whether it's a listening ear, sharing our expertise, wisdom, a skill or labor, a large financial donation, a genuine smile, a word of encouragement, coaching a friend, authentic feedback or volunteering your time and energy. Contribution makes the world go round. When we give, there is a typically a reward... sometimes a paycheck or monetary compensation, and other times we know we'll receive appreciation, acknowledgment or love from the recipient. Yet, how often to we truly contribute SELFLESSLY?? -- Where the focus is solely on GIVING with NO CONCERN of receiving ANYTHING in return.

The Dance of Control - Click To Read Article
How many things in your life do you attempt to control? Schedules. Time. Relationships. Children. Money. Business transactions. Performance. People's opinions and beliefs about you. Your emotions. Others emotions. Your thoughts. Creating more fulfillment. Clutter. Reducing stress. Outcomes. Your health. Your environment. Your future. Some may argue about the value and necessity of control. If we aren't exerting our influence on others, taking decisive action and managing our time - wouldn't that lead to disaster? What would happen if you let go of control? Or loosened the grips of control?

Thoughts: Our Greatest Addiction?! - Click To Read Article
Thoughts don't require an external stimulus to be elicited, which means we can indulge in any thought repeatedly - at any time we choose. As human beings we experience and enjoy a VARIETY of emotions on a daily basis, yet we also innately seek FAMILIARITY...even if it's NOT positive. The emotions we experience consistently become a part of our comfort zones and our identities...as they are habitually conditioned into our lives. Until we get conscious about them we remain victims to these patterns.

Your Circle of Influence: What is their impact on your life? - Click To Read Article
As human beings, our lives are shaped and influenced by a myriad of factors, and relationships is at the top of the list. Think about how much of "who you are today" was influenced by a specific parent, sibling, relative, teacher, coach, neighbor, author, speaker, boss, co-worker, spouse or friend. Values, habits, behavior, knowledge, skills, passions, hobbies, tastes and attitudes are typically learned through association with others. Yet, as influential as relationships are, most people haven't consciously chosen their greatest "circle of influence".

Bikram Yoga - Click To Read Article
There was a Bikram Yoga Studio next to my gym, and I thought I'd like to try it. However, the idea of doing yoga postures in a heated room -- didn't sound fun at all. Then, I was visiting my friend Wendy in New Jersey, who owns a Bikram Yoga Studio. And, I tried it. 26 postures, designed to scientifically warm and stretch muscles, ligaments and tendons in the order in which they should be stretched. The heat of the room allows for deeper stretching, and stimulates those sweat glands for maximum detoxification.

Being Connected or Disconnected: Coming from LOVE or "???" - Click To Read Article
We've all had that feeling of "being connected". This could be described as "coming from a place of love" or "being in your power". Perhaps it's when we're with a significant other, playing with a child, performing at work, or doing something you're confident at. This isn't necessarily "romantic in-love"...it's just open, warm and giving to others. You're confident and centered in yourself. Unconditional love and acceptance. Isn't this the energy we'd like to live from all the time??

Adopt an Emotion: WILLINGNESS - Click To Read Article
Willingness is a powerful resource to access. Willingness is associated with one of the higher energy levels described in Dr. David Hawkins’ book Power vs. Force. At the level of Willingness, work is done well and success in all endeavors is common. Growth is rapid here; these are people chosen for advancement. Willingness implies that one has overcome inner resistance to life and is committed to participation.

Adopt an Emotion: PEACE - Click To Read Article
PEACE can be described as a calm, tranquil feeling that exudes an internal state that "all is well". Even in "turbulent" times, the feeling of peace can be cultivated by a knowing that "this too will pass"...and everything will ultimately work itself out.

The Compounding Effect of Choices - Click To Read Article
Most people are familiar with the compounding effect of money, as its key to the long-term accumulation of wealth. Saving a few hundred dollars each month grows into tens of thousands over time. The principles of compounding also apply in every area of our lives, whether we like it or not. Internalize the simple principles in this article and adopt them for a lifetime. Doing so will allow you to more easily stay focused on what is most important to you and take the necessary action steps to realize your desires. Willingness is the key

Truth-Telling Game - Click To Read Article
Intimacy is one of the most fulfilling aspects of relating with another. In opening oneself and revealing your innermost thoughts to another creates intimacy, understanding and deepens any relationship. The feeling of "being known" and "knowing another" authentically is fulfilling. One fun way to stir up the intimacy quotient is by playing the "Truth-Telling Game". It’s simple and easy, but not for the faint of heart. It’s about connecting to your truth in the moment, and then sharing that with another

The Power of CHOICE - Click To Read Article
We are ALWAYS at CHOICE. Sounds simple. For many things, this is an easy and empowering concept to embrace. Someone asks you out to dinner. Do you really want to go? You decide "yes" or "no". You're at choice. Someone asks you to do something you DON'T want to do. Again, you're at choice..."yes" or "no".

The Power of Acknowledgment and Appreciation - Click To Read Article
Whether you are male or female, young or old… confidant or insecure, everyone LOVES to be appreciated and acknowledged. Loves it!!

The Importance of Celebration - Click To Read Article
Have you ever achieved an important goal or dream, yet quickly moved on to the next task? Or maybe you boldly took a risk, yet your performance didn't meet your expectations or others? Or maybe the perfectionist in you felt the accomplishment wasn't big enough or worthy of celebration? Do you generously celebrate your wins?

The Magic of Commitment - Click To Read Article
Commitment has always been a HEAVY word to me. It tampers with my sense of freedom, and always seemed to limit my choices in life. Yet, I’ve come to experience the magic and power of “commitment”, as it brings focus, energy, resources and a different kind of freedom.

Special Days - Click To Read Article
We have birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays to celebrate. But, wouldn't it be nice to be honored on just an "ordinary" day?

SPIRIT vs. EGO - Click To Read Article
Spirit is the "life force energy" that is about experiencing, creating, expressing and connecting in this world, while the ego is more like a "body guard" or "tour guide". The Ego’s job is to keep the physical body safe, and guide your "spirit" through the journey of life. However, it often oversteps its duties and responsibilities. Most people don’t realize the nature of these two individual forces, and continue to struggle between these two energies.

Smiling at Strangers - Click To Read Article
Smiling at Strangers - I can't tell you how many countless times I've found myself grocery shopping or in the mall feeling like a grouch not wanting to talk with anyone at all. I'd tell myself, "it's too big of a hassle to 'be nice' and friendly, or I didn't have the TIME or energy. Fiddlesticks. After years of this unfulfilling practice, I decided this wasn't a true reflection of who I really am. I consider myself a loving human being, and I genuinely care about people. This old behavior was a poor reflection of me, AND it didn't make me feel good. So, I created a new practice when roaming with strangers, clerks and salespeople on my shopping excursions and errands.

Real Weight Loss for Real People - Click To Read Article
Many people struggle with weight loss, it can be overwhelming and confusing. Yet, dozens are losing weight in a variety of healthy ways. What makes the difference between success or failure when it comes to weight loss? Let's take a closer look.

Personal Achievement or Spiritual Evolution: Can you have both? - Click To Read Article
In the world of personal development, there seem to be two distinct camps. Both approaches seem to lead to the same thing -- happiness and INNER PEACE. Is one approach, more effective than the other? How can we make sense of the sometimes contradicting approaches?

Owning Your Value - Click To Read Article
Whether you're doing big things or little things, who you are in this world makes a difference every day, in countless ways. Maybe you know this intellectually. But, do you really, really feel the value and worth of your individual magnificence? Do you own it in all areas of your life?

Move 21 Items - Click To Read Article
Feeling stuck? In a holding pattern in your work, health or relationships? Are you ready to "stir up the energy" and create some momentum? Here’s a simple assignment that will help you "unclog" stuck…and get the energy moving in your life.

Making Stuff Up... - Click To Read Article
What do you do when you don't have all the information or communication with someone? Something feels "off", AND you haven't spoken directly about it. Maybe THEY didn't return a call or respond to an email, plans to get together never materialized, or were cancelled unexpectedly. Or suddenly all communication has disappeared. Maybe THEY haven't reminded you lately that they "love you", or responded in the manner you had hoped or expected. What do you do?

Loving What Is - Click To Read Article
How many times have you heard "your thoughts create your reality?" Lots? Me too. I understood this conceptually, but often time my thoughts simply dominated my reality and I felt helpless, stuck and tortured by them. Yes, I knew they were lousy, disempowering thoughts ruining my life...but, they felt REAL. As much as I TRIED to consciously release them, I couldn't. Even techniques in NLP, "changing my focus" and using positive language only seemed to work temporarily. The idea of having a "still mind" sounded great, but my meditation practice was filled with lots of swimming thoughts, and little "stillness". Then I was introduced to "the work" of Byron Katie, called Loving What Is.

Letting it all in. Are YOU? - Click To Read Article
We strive for goals and aim for perfection. Why? So, we can experience a peak moment of accomplishment, a loving relationship, ideal health or fulfillment? But, are we EVER really "letting in" the joy of it all?

Integrity as a Catalyst - Click To Read Article
Integrity has always been one of the qualities I admire and respect most in others. The definition of integrity is: The quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness. Simply put, someone who lives in integrity honors their personal values - actions and choices align with an internal code. There is nothing inside that is divided; they are whole. Honesty is another dimension to integrity -- spoken words reflecting the inner world without distortion. Integrity is also about honoring your word and following through with commitments. defi

Goal Realization - Click To Read Article
Every year about this time, New Year's Resolutions become popular. Many people THINK about setting goals, and a few people actually write them down. An even smaller percentage of people do what it takes to achieve them. So, what is the difference between those who REALIZE their goals, and those who don't?

HAI Principles - Click To Read Article
HAI - Human Awareness Institute - If you are intrigued with the idea of opening your heart more fully, moving past fears around intimacy, healing core relationships, getting beyond issues of body image or packaging, becoming more comfortable with both men and women, and/or would like to learn how to "love" people without necessarily "liking" their behavior, I highly recommend their program.

Excellence, Integrity, and Standards - Click To Read Article
Human beings are drawn to excellence, integrity and high standards. We know it when we see it. We are naturally attracted to these qualities. They are easy words to say, and sometimes harder words to live, especially consistently. Yet, when we do live these words, there are great rewards -- externally and internally. People admire and trust those who exude these qualities, and want to associate with them and buy their products and services. Yet, perhaps the biggest reward of all is a "deeper and more respectful connection" to ourselves, and a greater sense of personal power and fulfillment. Sometimes the short-term pain is worth the long-term gain.

Emotional Muscles - Click To Read Article
EMOTIONS are a huge element in our lives. They affect how we experience the world... and, each emotion serves as a unique filter for our life's experiences. Sometimes it feels that we're at the mercy of our emotions. I'd like to suggest how we can take greater control of our lives by more consciously choosing some of our emotions. I believe emotions play a powerful role in helping us achieve our goals, dreams, and in creating fulfilling lives. The more we "feel" an emotion... the more we attract that into our lives. Simply put....joy breeds joy. Stress breeds stress. Peace breeds peace. Essentially, it's Law of Attraction.

Daily Flossing - Click To Read Article
Daily Flossing. We all hear it. Twice a year, our dentist and dental hygienists tell us to "floss daily." They tell us it will make a difference. If you're like me, and millions of other Americans, somehow we don't get sufficiently inspired enough to remember to pull out the waxy string each day. Does it really matter? I was on an Open Coaching Forum with my Success and Inner Peace Bootcamp. One of my participants wanted to get inspired to floss his teeth everyday. He knew it was good for him, but wasn't doing it. Fortunately, another Bootcamp participant shared her personal story. It had a profound impact on this participant (and me too), so I'm sharing it with you.

Depressed or Depleted? - Click To Read Article
There are times when coaching borders the line of therapy - addictions, mention of suicide (yikes!), and sometimes depression. Patrick Williams raised an important distinction, "Is it REALLY depression, or is it DEPLETION?" Discerning this is the first step. How can one tell the difference? There are many free assessments online to quickly determine if speaking with a professional psychologist is the next step or if other strategies may prove effective.

Conscious Connections: Are you FULLY Connected? - Click To Read Article
When activity is high, it can be easy to lose connection with what is most important. We may diminish the big and little successes occurring along the way. We may not stop and fully connect with those we love - enough or at all. We may set goals and objectives haphazardly, not owning or connecting to them at the core of our being. We may avoid connecting to the underlying feelings that haven't been expressed. We may lose connection with ourselves. Whether you fit the "busy" description, or are just casually pacing through life - STOPPING and taking the time to "consciously connect" is essential to maximizing fulfillment AND productivity.

Choice or Habit? - Click To Read Article
When life delivers a plethora of unexpected and unpleasant surprises, it can be easy and automatic to react negatively. Many of these reactions are unconscious and engrained in us as human beings. Throughout our lives, most of us are taught and conditioned to react to disappointments with sadness, unkindness from others with anger or defensiveness, heavy traffic with stress and frustration, illness and death with fear, and our mistakes with judgment. If I listed twenty activities, most would agree on the "common way" to react to each situation. But, who says this is how we "should" be reacting? Is there an alternative choice? Is there a more effective way? Or are we truly helpless victims to life's circumstances?

Being FULLY PRESENT to Life - Click To Read Article
Fulfillment happens in the present moment. Most people spend their time fretting about the past OR worrying about the future. Do you know anyone like this? We live in a fast-paced world, and the concept of slowing down and appreciating each moment may seem like a waste of time. However, it is in the present moment where you will find FULFILLMENT and joy.

BALANCE. - Click To Read Article
There's a buzz word of today. It seems that everyone is always striving toward that elusive ideal of BALANCE. Can it really be achieved?

Being Calm in the Eye of the Storm - Click To Read Article
Your life is going reasonably well. You're focused, "on track" and feeling centered...yet all of a sudden your workload triples, an employee leaves, or a significant person in your life becomes emotionally distraught, or perhaps a death or illness surprises the family. Your outside world doesn't have to equal your inside world. Life is always presenting new challenges to strengthen our spirit, expand our consciousness, and foster growth. Learning how to master accessing the "calm" in any storm is worthy goal, but it is obtainable. What is your current "storm"? I challenge you to find your center in the eye of it all.

Adopt an Emotion: JOY - Click To Read Article
JOY is a state of happiness or an expression of delight. Kids have great access to this emotion, and as an adult, somehow JOY doesn’t always feel "appropriate". That’s ridiculous.

Adopt an Emotion: COMPASSION - Click To Read Article
How can you respond “at the highest energetic level” when someone is frustrating you? Being unresourceful? Hurting you? Being difficult or pissing you off? The answer is… with “compassion."

Adopt an Emotion: CURIOSITY - Click To Read Article
Curiosity is one of those emotions that can be "turned on" at any moment by asking a simple question of inquiry. All one really needs to experience "curiosity" is a willingness to do so.

Adopt an Emotion: GRATITUDE - Click To Read Article
Gratitude is a feeling of thankfulness and appreciation. Appreciation and gratitude are interchangeable. In gratitude there is acceptance, love and acknowledgment of “what is”. In gratitude there is spaciousness and connectedness.

Adopt an Emotion: HUMILITY - Click To Read Article
Humility is a beautiful and powerful emotion, but perhaps misunderstood, overlooked or even avoided by the masses. It is viewed as "weak" by some. Those that practice humility know its power and hold it as one of the most important emotions to embody.

Adopt an Emotion: PLAYFULNESS - Click To Read Article
When you think of the word playfulness, what images come to your mind? As we step out of childhood and mature, the emotion of "playfulness" can become a foreign concept to our nervous system. However, it's never too late to reclaim this emotion, and its ripple affect creates magic.

Adopt an Emotion: LOVE - Click To Read Article
This is truly one of the great emotions in life, isn’t it? The word LOVE is used in numerous ways to capture that special connection that ties us all together as human beings, and to everything we have an affinity for. In our purest state, I believe we love everyone and everything in this world.

Accepting YOU or Accepting YOUR EGO? - Click To Read Article
We LOVE it when everyone in our lives loves and accepts us unconditionally. Have you ever gotten frustrated with someone, when you thought they weren't "accepting who you are"? Is what I want them to ACCEPT, really ME?

"Acceptance"... and growth - Click To Read Article
Acceptance simply means "EMBRACING WHAT IS". Acknowledging the "what is"...may include yourself, your spouse, significant other, job, house, health or a set of circumstances. With ACCEPTANCE, we embrace PEACE. And, it's in this peace that miracles happen. For those of us that thrive on personal growth and are constantly looking for ways to improve, and better ourselves, the idea of "accepting" ourselves may feel like embracing "mediocrity" or "settling". Won't I get complacent if I totally accept myself? Will I lose my edge or drive? If I "accept" my significant other just as he/she is, does that mean I'm encouraging them to stop growing? NO. NO. NO.

5 Minutes of "Doing" Nothing - Click To Read Article
As a coach, I work with numerous over-achieving clients, who are super "doers". Yet, amidst all the success, they desire more balance in their lives and are intrigued with the idea of "being" more. BEING meaning...connecting more to yourself...or your soul. Perhaps you, too, desire more balance and more of that divine connection to YOU. The good news is, it’s easy to begin integrating "beingness" into your life. And, every client who has embarked on this exercise has experienced an immediate positive impact.

10 Paths to Accessing Peace - Click To Read Article
Accessing peace is essential to expanding our ability to receive and live fulfilling lives. Therefore, the quicker and more easily you can return to peace, the better. Below are 10 strategies to utilize when you would like to consciously increase feelings of peace inside of you, whether you are in turmoil or already at peace.

A 365 Day Goal - Click To Read Article
What? A 365 day goal? Yes. A 365 day goal is a year long commitment you make to yourself as a resolution with an ongoing commitment.

7 Keys to Transforming Thought - Click To Read Article
We've all experienced the popular notion that "our thoughts shape our reality". When life is working well, it's easy to focus on thoughts that feel good and perpetuate success and happiness in our lives. However, what do you do when you are attached to thoughts that clearly don't serve you?

7 Keys to Profound Happiness - Click To Read Article
These days my happiness quotient feels like it's sailing off the charts. Maybe it seems I'm always rather cheerful. Trust me, I've ridden my share of emotional roller coasters. I've prided myself in being "very human," which -- in my mind -- meant feeling every human emotion. But, maybe my husband is right. Maybe HAPPINESS IS the default state. Maybe if all resistance is simply removed from life, happiness naturally emerges. Somehow, it seems to be flowing steadily into my life. So why AM I so deliriously happy? Great question. This is the very question I was asking myself last week. What is different? There are several distinct elements which have come together. I imagine if you focused on these elements...you'd be deliriously happy too.





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