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Stories and Stress

Guest post by: Aly Pain

Article Overview: “What someone else thinks of me, is none of my business” ~ Wayne Dyer

Stories and Stress

Everything I am to myself and others is made up. Everything you think about me from what you know is also a made up story. We are all doing it all the time about everything and everyone around us including ourselves in relation to our world.

I am realizing more and more the BS (basic stories, of course) that I make up not only stresses me out, it creates distance between me and other people and has me live outside of the moment.

For instance, in a relationship with another coach friend Gord and I, I have a lot of stories. I make up who he is based on what I know and what I don’t (oh yes, we all make up stories about what we don’t know to fill in gaps). I have stories about who I am in that relationship, what Gord thinks of me and what I think about our relationship. All these stories create my reality and have me be conditioned to stimulus of every kind. My reality is at least 50% made up and yet I hold it at the Truth in order to feel safe and sorted.

“Change your thoughts and change your world.”

~ Norman Vincent Peale

This quote was made even more popular from the movie “The Secret”. What if it were possible? I am not just talking about getting new stories, I am talking about going beyond the stories and conditioning.

My friend Gord and I were doing a coaching dyad at a workshop and got to a stuck place in the 10 minute assignment. I put up my hand to ask for clarification. When I was asked what we needed, I said, “Well, Gord and I already know each other really well…”. The facilitator looked me in the eye and clearly stated, “That is your problem”. You see, it was all the stories that were getting in the way. I needed to come from a place of not knowing in order to access what more was there (the Johari window is a great diagram for this). A place where I could go beyond all my stories about Gord, myself and our relationship. I turned back to look at Gord and felt the tears well up in my eyes. I felt a deep sadness about what I had been missing and the gap I had created. In that moment I crossed the gap to experience a deep peace, love and curiosity about this other being across from me. I really got how we are spiritual beings having a human experience. What a moment!

“What someone else thinks of me, is none of my business”

~ Wayne Dyer

I think this quote really speaks to staying out of the story and being present to myself and others.

Stress is all just stories and conditioning too. I make up all kinds of things about how I am going to feel based on how my day went or how my kids did (or did not :)) behave and what that will say about me. Oh, and I have to clean my house for the play date today or what will other people think?? I make up BS stories all the time that do nothing other than stress me out. So, with this new realization about going beyond the story what is available?

Well, I am sure willing to let go of a bunch of stories. Nothing outside of me matters so much and I feel enormously empowered to fight my perfectionist and all her stories. I want to be in the moment with myself and others and nature. The other day I watched the steam rising, swirling and dancing off my hot tea as the sun beam from my window brought it even more alive. Now that was being in the moment and the story about the state of my kitchen felt galaxies away.

How do you go beyond your stories that stress you out? Start by writing them down or talking them through. You will be amazed how many you have and particularly your emotional reaction to some of them. Choose different stories or better yet, let them go and make it none of your business from here on. Pretend it is all unknown and get curious. I know this will profoundly change my coaching as I now choose a perspective of not knowing anything at all and step more fully into curiosity. Try it on!

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Article Tags: stories
Referred by: http://www.infinity-pr.com



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