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In The Right

Guest post by: Keith Hanna

Article Overview: One of the things that deep down most of like is the experience of being right, in the right and in full contrast to being in the wrong.

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In The Right

One of the things that deep down most of like is the experience of being right, in the right and in full contrast to being in the wrong.

But the classification of behaviour and thinking and decisions and statements as either being right or wrong is very limiting. As the saying goes: "do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?" It's a choice.

I'm not saying that classifying things as either right or wrong is wrong. That would be a disastrous irony. What I am saying is that it can be more useful to judge the merit of something by how well it's aligned with what I say I want.

This right/wrong duality seems most destructive in human relationships. For example: one person does something in a relationship and the other feels wronged in someway. So, naturally that person reacts by doing something to retaliate and the other person feels wronged, for which the most satisfying short-term response seems to be to lash back in return. This starts a vicious and potentially hugely destructive downward cycle.

Either person can end the destructive cycle. A way out of this is to ask the questions: "what serves my higher purpose here?" or "what is it that I have in common with the party with whom I'm in conflict?" or "Is what I'm about to do aligned with the vision I have for the relationship or am I just lashing out in defense of a perceived attack?"

Many of the stands we take reflect a fight for some principle. To "admit I'm wrong" is untenable. This is potentially a perversion of integrity–a weaker stance. True integrity means acting in accordance with my values, in a way that creates the most value for everyone involved. It does not take admitting that I'm wrong; it takes admitting what's most important to me and then acting accordingly.

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Article Tags: relationships, right, wrong
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About the Author: Keith Hanna
RSS for Keith's articles - Visit Keith's website

Keith Hanna’s experience as a coach spans over 15 years and includes helping entrepreneurs and growing companies identify and implement the changes needed to take their success to the next level. With a commitment to creating tangible value for his clients, Keith has worked with leaders in a wide variety of industries and at every stage of their careers and personal lives. His career as a coach began as a natural extension of his work as a product designer helping entrepreneurs turn their vision into innovative products. Through that work, Keith realized the most important innovations entrepreneurs had to make were inward focused. Those who were able to deal with the stresses caused by personal and business changes around them were able to make those changes work for them, and were able to live greater lives and build greater businesses. Keith holds a Master’s Degree in Environmental Design from the University of Calgary, with a specialization in industrial design and new venture development. He is author of two books, StepUp and Higher Purpose, Higher Profit, as well as an accomplished speaker and facilitator. Keith lives with his wife and two children at the foot of the Rocky Mountains in Bragg Creek, Alberta, from which he makes mountain climbing excursions in the summer and dog sledding trips in the winter.

Click here to visit Keith's website Dashed Line

More from Keith Hanna
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In The Right
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