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Great Public Speakers Don't Talk to Groups!

Guest post by: N. R. Brown

Article Overview: The truth of what makes an audience fond of their speaker is they feel as though they are being spoken to personally!

Great Public Speakers Don't Talk to Groups!



The

Secret

of

Communication

by

N. R. Brown

SECOND REVISED LIMITED ADVANCE EDITION

January, 2012

·



Part III - Speaking Publically

Chapter Twenty-four

Great Speakers Don’t Talk to Groups

It’s true; the really great speakers in history never treated their audiences as a mob! Good speakers make you feel like they are talking to you personally. There is a loss of personal identity unless the speaker counters uses phrases which burst the bubble of anonymity. The best public speakers speak to a crowd as though speaking to a single individual. They are concerned with penetrating the bubble of anonymity and overtaking the audience with feelings of a personal conversation. Being anonymous among others makes audience members feel impersonal and prevents them as individuals from relating on a personal basis to the speaker; it can even cast a shadow of doubt upon what the speaker is saying. A loss of personal identity can turn a group into an unruly mob.

The reality is that in a room full of people each person there wants to be addressed personally, individually, as if you were talking one-on-one with them. Remember how in the western movies and television shows the Marshall always dealt with the lynch mob by handling one of the men at the front of the pack? It is impossible to talk to a roomful of minds; but you can talk to a single mind and fortunately all minds work about the same way even though what’s in them differs; we all think in logical progressions. As fellow members of the human species, we all have similar concerns, considerations, and desires. When you grasp what people have in common and then speak as though talking to just one person, all who are listening will feel included. Top talk show hosts, commentators, and interviewers view any gathering of people not as a group but as a collection of individuals. They move their gaze from the eyes of one audience member to another, while mentally they are speaking to one person and allowing others to listen in.

You can quickly spot the speaker who doesn’t get this. Their dialogue gives them away. They talk to the crowd instead of to an individual and use phrases like, “look under your seat everybody you’re all going to receive…,” “all you viewers and listeners,” “all the people at home,” “you people at home”. Impersonal phrasing alienates individual audience members because it breaks the spell of feeling you have a direct connection with the speaker, and that the speaker has a personal interest in you! The use of a single impersonal phrase can pop the bubble and make the audience suddenly aware the speaker is not really talking to you. This is what keeps speakers from winning support. The audience wants to feel a direct connection with the speaker.

A speaker must make that connection or may find it impossible to influence or to persuade the audience to support him or her. Talk as though speaking to a single individual. The most classic example of this excellent personal-connection style of public speaking was President Franklin Delano Roosevelt delivering his fireside chats over the radio to the homes of war-torn families across America during World War II. He mastered the art of saying “you” in a manner that made you feel he meant just you. He never used phrases like, “…all of you out there,” “everyone who is listening,” or “you folks who are tuned in…,” Groups are a mythical entity; they do not really exist! What we call a “group” is really a collection of individuals, which for the sake of convenience we call a “group”. A group does not have a single mind. As a body it can break up at any moment; which means it is not stable. Even when every individual there is in agreement with the speaker, among the individuals present many differences exist in what is being thought, felt, or hoped.

If you want the audience members to support you then you need to focus your speaking and style towards a fictitious person who in the speaker’s mind represents how any person may think or feel about the speaker’s subject. By speaking to that fictitious person you will sound as though they are talking to just one individual. As a result, the speaker comes across more warmly and sincerely reaching and touching audience members the same as if they were a room alone in with the speaker.

Great speaking ability comes from being able to converse well with individuals. The more good conversations you have with individuals the better able you will be as a public speaker. Those who have acquired the insights needed for public speaking are usually people who practice interviewing others either formally or informally. Forming and asking questions cultivates those insights.

Most public speakers write out and rehearse what they are going to say and then stick to their script. Those are instances when a speaker has no chance to write out or edit their speech and speaking off-the-cuff can be a disaster. It’s too easy to say something you didn’t mean when being extemporaneous, whether it’s a formal situation or an unexpected gathering. The flip side is that you had better be spontaneous when talking with your colleagues, partner, lover, best friend, or a close family member. They expect you to be natural and will be offended if you aren’t.

Prepare your talk or presentation by writing it out. Once you are settled on the content, practice your delivery in front of a mirror. Do not use mannerisms which some people may find offensive. Keep your normal mannerisms unless a communication coach tells you otherwise. Being natural allows you to inject passion into your voice, which your audience needs to see, hear, and feel. Check your phrasing to ensure you aren’t using “group-speak”.

What’s wrong with this opening line from a television commercial, “A lot of you people out there…”? Or how about the old man who used to do diabetes commercials and now makes donations pitches for PBS and starts with, “More than half of you are viewing this broadcast on …….” In his mind he is talking to a huge group of people. That “group-speak” style and approach is fine for farmers who are calling their cows home but it fails as a public speaking technique because it robs the individuals in the audience of their personal identity and makes them a faceless figure in a crowd. Here are more examples of “group-speak”.

I just got a letter from a lady and my excitement rose as I began to read it. I was so pleased that this lady was inviting me to a party she was going to have, but then my heart sank in my chest because the fourth paragraph began, “Many of you are actually in a position where …. “ Suddenly it was obvious she had sent this letter to a number of people. Her style showed she was inviting a bunch of people, talking to the mass of contacts she had on file. That was enough for me to change my mind about going. It puts me off when someone talks to the crowd rather than to me. I want to feel that whatever you are saying you want me to pay attention, listen, and understand it. You aren’t going to get my attention if all you are doing is talking to the masses. It’s the same with Birthday, Christmas or holiday cards that have no personal message written inside. If someone really cares, they jot a line or two inside.

Any gathering of two or more people makes a group, and if you are talking to two or more people you are engaged in public speaking. Whatever size your audience may be, they will always enjoy hearing what you have to say if you talk to them as individuals, rather than a group.

When you make each person in the audience feel you are speaking just to them they give you their full attention and your message will be much more effective. That cannot happen when a speaker talks to the masses. As a public speaker, to accomplish a real personal-connection with your audience members is a matter of phrasing rather than your style.

To begin you need to adopt an attitude and sincere desire to reach every person in the audience. Let me put this into perspective: I recently attended a seminar on how to earn income as a consultant and the speaker’s first question to the audience was, “How many in the room would like to be able to earn $10,000 in 3 hours about a month from now?” His questions were the same for the entire time; I call them “shotgun questions” because they are so broad: “Does anyone in the room ……? and, “Who here wants to…?...” The phrasings of his questions were as if he was talking to a mob, not real people. He did not make anyone there feel like he has a sincere personal interest in them. If he had put more thought into how to make his message feel more personal he would have made a much greater impact, and more sales. If he used personalized questions like, “Would you like to be able to earn $10,000 in 3 hours by a month from now?” and made eye contact with several individuals in the room with every paragraph he spoke, he would have been far more effective.

Ever been in an elementary school when the public speaking system blared out general messages to the massive student body such as: “Now people we must not linger in the hallways. Let’s all move right along. Not too loud everybody, please.” Even programmed robots personalize their communications. Public speaking courses don’t seem to teach that talking to a crowd, group, or a mob can never be more than marginally successful. That’s because when you view and speak to an audience as just a bunch, mass, or horde, people never take you as seriously as when you sound and feel like you really are talking to them.

Barrack Obama in his 2008 campaign speeches tried hard to emulate that style, but didn’t quite get there because of the way he identified different individual situations and concerns. Roosevelt learned to avoid saying anything that would make him sound like he was talking to more than one person; he mastered referring to individual stories by describing circumstances, which our neighbors were having; and the way he said, it you felt like he was talking about neighbors you both shared. His tight focus convinced every listener he was having an intimate talk directly with them. His strong speaking talent got him re-elected to the office of President eight times; and inspired a work effort that defeated a world enemy, Hitler. Roosevelt kept the war from American shores and away from those streets and cities, while Hitler invaded Paris and other places. Roosevelt’s best weapon was his communication skill. He spoke directly to the heart and mind of individuals.

Done successfully this style wins audience members over for both the speaker and the message. Some say it was easier for Roosevelt to reach his audience using the radio instead of having to sit or stand in front of television cameras during a live broadcast. However, photos of his posture and manners during those “fireside talks” indicate that had there been television in those days the impact of his style of talking to just one person probably may have been even greater.

He never used “group-speak” phrases like, “Everyone listening”, “all of you” or “those of you”. He was even careful to address the political affiliation of audience members with a bipartisan touch by saying, “if you are Republican or Democrat”.

This style is definitely worth developing if your career requires that you frequently speak to groups. When you plan your talk consider that you are addressing just one individual(s) instead of talking to a group; emulating the Roosevelt style will help you make a great connection with every audience member.

The queen of television comes close to emulating the Roosevelt style, but she needs to stop treating her audiences as a mass of people, and speak in a personalized manner. She reminds people they are a group, an audience, by saying things like, “For all you people in the audience …” From time to time she uses phrases like, “Everybody here today is going to take home their own beautiful cast iron widget,” and “All of you here today …..”

In her defense I have to say that perhaps she would rather have audience members feel they are a group rather than treat them as individuals. But if she wants to make each audience members feel like she is talking just to them, and no one else, she will have to change her style.

Then there is Dr. “P” who viewers have seen look into the camera and address them with the classic, “I say to all you parents at home”, instead of “I want you, the parent at home, to …” Even the beloved Dr. “Oz” asks his audience, “How many of you have ____?” when he could personalize it by saying, “Raise your hand if you have ____ .” Do you see what I mean?

I love Andy Rooney and think he was the best part of the Sixty Minutes television program. He and I were both from Albany, New York. But he said things like, “As many of you know who have watched me over the years ….” If he had said, “As you know if you’ve been watching me over the years” he would have made audience members feel he was talking to them individually.

Ellen DeGeneris is a great comedienne and television show host who would have an even stronger audience following is she didn’t phrase things so impersonally like, “How many people here are light sleepers?” She could just as easily say, “Are you a light sleeper?” Maybe she thinks her television audience will be impressed if she conveys reminders that she has attracted a mob of people to fill the seats on her show?

To do this properly and smoothly just remember you are talking to just one person. Once you get the knack of keeping your talk focused this way it will feel relaxed and natural. Those celebrities probably aren’t hurting themselves by not using the personal-connection style ala Roosevelt and Churchill because they have electric personalities and a huge following. It’s far more important for new pubic speakers, employers, performers and comedians to give themselves this edge. It can improve their chances of building a loyal following in a shorter period of time. If you are in the spotlight it can help to get private coaching in how to integrate this approach into your style. Work at it and it will improve!

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