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Speaking with Heart at Funerals

Guest post by: Barbara Garro

Article Overview: Likely, there will come a time when you feel motivated to speak at the funeral of a loved one, business associate, or you are requested to do so by bosses or family. Here are some guidelines that can be helpful.

Speaking with Heart at Funerals

As owners and managers, you speak to customers, employees and a variety of professionals and groups all the time. I ask you not to let over-confident business-as-usual assumptions creep into crafting funeral speeches, commonly called eulogies.

Funeral speeches are unique and allow those who knew the deceased to reflect on their relationship, share highlights of the person’s life and offer comfort to mourners. It is an honor to be asked or chosen to deliver a eulogy.

Likely you have heard beautiful eulogies that showed you the heart of the deceased spoken from the heart. Did you wonder how a grieving loved one could deliver such a tribute? Do you question whether you could pay such an honor to someone when the time comes?

Whether you speak at the funeral of a close family member, friend or business associate, what you need to know to deliver a spot-on eulogy remains the same. Still, usually you have to do more information gathering for a business associate.

Here are some guidelines to make sure you are ready to create a eulogy you are proud to deliver that will be well received.

What You Need to Keep Uppermost in Your Mind



1. In your life here on earth, you are the only person you will never lose or leave. Stress builds when you are designated, invited or choose to speak at a funeral service in praise of the deceased. Often, you need to act fast on short notice to prepare.

2. For close family and friends, emotions bleed raw at the thought of life here without the deceased. Add to the general funeral discomfort, being the person to say a few words about the deceased feels like a daunting obligation for most people.

3. After services are over, many people wish they had had the courage to share some reflections about the deceased.

4. Funeral commentary is all about the deceased and the people whose lives the deceased touched. The best eulogies speak to the heart of the deceased from the heart of the speaker.

5. Eulogies are as short as three to five minutes or up to fifteen minutes. Less formal reflections, remembrances and informal comments are usually three minutes or less.

Information Needed to Prepare and Deliver a Eulogy

• Names and relationships of immediate family members, spouses, children and grandchildren
• Names of special friends
• Career highlights
• Volunteer highlights
• Hobbies and special interests
• What made this person lovable and likeable
• The time, date you are to deliver your eulogy
• The name of the facility, phone number, address, and the professional in charge of the deceased service
• Ask the person in charge of the service where exactly you will give the eulogy, whether you will speak behind a podium, and whether you will be asked to use a microphone. In addition, the name and contact of any clergy who will preside, a special signal or introduction when it is time for you to give your eulogy, and if you are expected to sit in a certain spot may all be helpful.

Guidelines for Preparing Your Eulogy

· Your purpose: Speak warmly from your heart sincere reflections about the deceased that the mourners can relate to. People love hearing funny stories, unusual habits of the deceased, and how the deceased made a difference in people’s lives.

· Creating Your Eulogy Outline—

1. Begin with who you are and how you know the deceased

2. Give a short biographical history including family, close friends and career or profession

3. Speak about what the deceased like to do and who the deceased like to do it with

4. Touch on the volunteer activities and hobbies that absorbed the deceased’s time

5. Speak about what made the deceased unique and the legacy left for all to remember

Some Traps to Avoid

• Make no assumptions. Not all marriages were happy. Not all people led wonderful lives. In these situations, you can say something like, I have known (name the deceased) for (name the time) and (he or she) touched me in different ways and was blessed in this life with a loving family.
• Avoid inside jokes without explanation that may make some mourners feel like outsiders
• Avoid saying anything that could offend, hurt feelings or make anyone feel left out

How to Practice and Deliver a Eulogy

• After you write out what you plan to say from your outline, create bold printed note cards (3x5” or 8x5”) that highlight what you want to say to practice your speech and have with you when you give your eulogy. Why? Because you want to avoid, if at all possible, reading your eulogy word for word, losing your place or forgetting something you wanted to say
• Use a conversational, natural tone, speaking neither too fast nor too slow
• After important points you want to make about the deceased, use momentary silent pauses to emphasize them
• Practice and time your eulogy to meet the time suggested to you, record it, and listen to how it sounds

Using these guidelines, you can be ready, willing and able to speak about a deceased family member, friend or business associate with at least some level of comfort and confidence.

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Article Tags: Delivering Euologies, Euologies, Funerals, Guidelines for Speaking at Funerals, Speaking at Funerals



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