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Successfully Negotiate by Thinking Ahead

Guest post by: Mike Martel

Article Overview: If you don’t know what you want, it’s impossible to know when you’ve been successful. Before you enter into any exchange, you need to know what you want, specifically. And you need to know what’s critical (as in, a “must-have”), and what’s not.

Successfully Negotiate by Thinking Ahead

There’s a famous exchange from Lewis Carroll’s “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” where Alice asks the Cheshire Cat an important question and gets a life lesson in return:

“Cheshire-Puss,” she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider.

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”

“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.

“I don’t much care where—” said Alice.

“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.



We would do well to take this advice to heart when thinking about negotiation. If you don’t know what you want, it’s impossible to know when you’ve been successful. Before you enter into any exchange, you need to know what you want, specifically. And you need to know what’s critical (as in, a “must-have”), and what’s not.

What’s Critical and What’s Not For instance, a client has purchased a consulting package worth $2000 that is non-refundable. She’s decided to change her business plan and no longer wants the package. You may be willing to let her transfer the package to someone else, but you are not willing to give her a full refund.

In discussions with your teenage daughter about curfew, you may be a bit flexible on the time (11:30 versus 12 midnight), but it’s an absolute requirement that you or another adult do the driving.

Knowing what’s critical to your definition of success and what isn’t allows you some leeway to make concessions to the other person without feeling like you’re giving away the store. It also protects against making an agreement that isn’t in your best interest. In my book, Get ER Done: The Green Beret Guide to Productivity I talk about Commander’s Intent and why it is important to know what the ultimate goal is. This is the same thing, you need to know what you ultimately want.

My Story and I’m Sticking to It In the heat of the moment, there’s a tendency to react emotionally rather than logically; you back down because you don’t want to upset someone else, or you hold your ground because you feel threatened. Deciding beforehand – and sticking to it – protects against these emotional reactions.

Call a Cease-Fire If you find yourself in a negotiation before you know what’s happening, remember that you can always take a minute to gather your thoughts or ask to delay the decision. We can feel pushed into a corner, like we have no choice but to respond, but that’s rarely the case. In the military during training exercises we could always call a “cease-fire” if things got out of hand. That meant everyone stopped immediately what we were doing and we reevaluate the situation to make sure everything was safe. You can do the same for yourself.

Try saying, “Let me call you back in five minutes,” or “I’m not sure – I need to check my schedule/give this more thought/check with my spouse.” If the person you’re in discussions with doesn’t want to let you take the time to think things through, that’s a strong signal that you’re dealing with someone who does not have your best interests at heart. You may want to avoid dealing with them altogether.

The biggest mistakes in negotiating come from responding emotionally rather than logically. Take the time beforehand to ask yourself your true desires before you get wrapped up in a discussion when you’re not even sure what you really want. By having goals, you can start the basis for a successful negotiation.

What do you think about before you go into a negotiation?

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Article Tags: goals, negotiation, results



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Hiring introverts vs. extroverts - Hi Kevin - interesting topic! Thinking back over my career as an entrepreneur and the people I've brought on, most of them have been introverts. The exception usually comes with the sales function (but not always). It's generally hard to be a good salesperson if you are an introvert.
Re: Essential Leadership skills - Vision Values Mission Strategic Thinking Decision Making Communication Team Bonding People Development Coaching / Mentoring / Guiding / Grooming Presentation Thanks Robert
Re: Getting ready to sell by childhood baseball card collection. - Sounds like we're in a similar situation Mal. For me it just got to a point where I realized if I took my top 20 or 30 cards that meant the most to me I could actually display them and cherish them instead of keeping them in boxes with all the others. Plus I knew others could benefit and get new happiness from the other cards. Thinking about those 2 points made it a lot easier to part with them.
Re: Who inspired you to start? - Hi Evan, I was inspired by Mr. Bill Gates ever since I was a student learning Computers. But I was motivated for Internet as my Business, when I read his book "The Road Ahead" in 1995. It was in this book that Gates laid out his vision of an interconnected world built around the Internet. Based on the premise that life will be transformed by the convergence of inexpensive computing and inexpensive communications, Gates drew from his experience at the center of the personal computer revolution to give insights on the growth, evolution and impact of technology. I had always looked up to Bill Gates as my idol. When I read this book, it made me more focussed on Microsoft and Internet, The Internet was one of the upcoming things in this time. So I took over to the Internet as my primary business. Regards,


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