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| About Keith Ferrazzi |
| Widely hailed as one of the world’s most “connected” people, Keith Ferrazzi is the author of Never Eat Alone, the international bestselling book about building relationships for success. Ferrazzi is also an acclaimed speaker and CEO of Ferrazzi Greenlight, a consulting and professional development firm that helps organizations drive growth through relationships. Earlier in his career, he was chief marketing officer at Deloitte Consulting and the youngest to be tapped for partner in the firm's history. Then, upon joining Starwood Hotels and Resorts, Ferrazzi was the youngest CMO in the Fortune 500. He also served as CEO of YaYa Media before founding Ferrazzi Greenlight. |
Recent Article:
Get Strong by Getting Vulnerable
- For more on Keith Ferrazzi visit www.ferrazzigreenlight.com
Recently I wrote about how trusted advisors can - should, must! - be on hand if you want to achieve your wildest dreams.
But how do you take friends and relationships that may have so far been superficial - "my work's great, just great, but more importantly, how's that new skinny latte?" - and turn them into true compatriots who will not just support you but help you course-correct when you need it?
First and foremost, you need to really know and understand each other. "Really know someone" might sound vague, but it's not. You know it when it happens. And the way you get there isn't vague at all: You need to take some risks. I don't mean saving someone from a burning building - I'm talking emotional risks. Getting outside your comfort zone. I'm talking about vulnerability, a word some people practically like to whisper so it won't get them.
Hear me out: You need to be vulnerable. Vulnerability means opening yourself up to someone else, and acknowledging that you need help. It does you no good if you gloss the situation. That's like lying to your therapist! What's the point?
I held back information about myself for years. Ever since I was a kid, I projected an image of being completely together. I was the guy who always did well in school, pleased his parents, sprinted the last mile up the hill, ran for office, led the company, dominated the conference. And it worked--in the sense that people really believed I was the Man of Steel. But the trouble with being Superman is, who offers a superhero help? Nobody!
But man did I need help, with my business goals, my behaviors, and my relationships. Suddenly I realized that while I had become an expert at connecting with other people to build business networks, I hadn't gone deep enough with anyone to cultivate trusted advisors. It was time to shed my red cape and get vulnerable.
Unfortunately, people who dump their baggage on others without "permission" have given vulnerability its bad name. For years, behavioral scientists noticed that people who regularly expressed negative emotions tended to be less likable and less social. Big surprise, nobody likes a whiner. But a 2008 report funded by the National Science Foundation and the National Institute of Mental Health suggests there are strong positive feelings associated with people who express negative emotions in an appropriate manner. The research team, led by Steven Graham of Florida State University, cited four studies to support their conclusion that expressing negative emotions "within the context of a communal or potential communal relationship...provides partners with information about one's needs, thereby helping the partner respond in an appropriate and caring manner."
In other words, vulnerability that's part of an evolving relationship of trusted mutual advisors leads to positive results. To work your way up to appropriate vulnerability, start slow, by sharing your passions and interests with someone else. Then move up to sharing hopes and dreams, and finally your struggles and fears. Also remember, this is a two way street - you need to find someone who wants to share back. Not everyone will be ready. Pay attention to others' feelings and go slow. (In my book, we'll be going much further with the "how to"s of embracing vulnerability.)
Is vulnerability already a behavior you practice with good results? Or maybe you've read the above and thought, "Vulnerable? Me? Never." Let's talk about it in the blog comments, or shoot me an email. If you're game, it's possible I'll include your story in my next book.
Get Strong by Getting Vulnerable - To learn more about this author, visit Keith Ferrazzi's Website.
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Dianne CramptonDianne Crampton is an executive leadership coach, team culture consultant, author and president of TIGERS Success Series, Inc. Dianne has been helping CEO's and Executives connect their employees to their core values and goals for over 20 years using the trademarked TIGERS team culture process, which stands for trust, interdependence, genuineness, empathy, risk and success. To download a free white paper on behaviors that build strong teams and behaviors that will predictably tear them down go here. Dianne's contribution to the 2010 Pfeiffer Consulting Journal (an imprint of John Wiley and Sons Publishers) entitled TIGERS Hearted Teams is available in November 2009. Her new book TIGERS Among Us: 5 Winning Business Team Cultures And Why, Three Creeks Publishing will release in March 2010. To receive publishing discounts, subscribe to the free TigerTracks Newsletter here. - Visit Dianne Crampton's Website |
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